Customer Reviews

The Big Book Of Lesbian Horse Stories

5 star:		(3)
4 star:		(0)
3 star:		(2)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(1)

 

 

So I'm a big opponent of all things heteronormative, and so it was nice to finally find some literature that featured horses partaking in a different lifestyle (not that it's a choice, mind you, I just liked that they admitted some lady horses probably liked other lady horses). Except that this book was not at all about homosexual mares.

Rather, it was about these great busty lesbians who seemed to have very little in the way of steady work. Their days consist mostly of sleeping, some horseback riding (but only little walks of twenty minutes through the garden, a loop around the veranda, and then back again), and then stories by a campfire at night (a campfire at a country estate? With no butlers or Indians? What?!?). Inexplicably the ladies' steeds are present at these storytelling sessions as friends and partners, though lacking even the rudimentary body language reading capabilities of Clever Hans it escapes me how they ever thought they might seduce the ladies. Short answer: they don't.

The series of campfire stories are utterly predictable, ranging from the oppressive, homophobic patriarchy to the repressive, bigoted anti-matriarchal forces. Naturally I loved them, but come on, ladies! Alisa and Monica, I know you can do better. Maybe just Monica, actually. Alisa, this was a good effort, but it remains your only book and I worry you may have hit a protracted case of writer's block. Take a cue from Monica, who had some great sequels like "Lois Lenz, Lesbian Secretary," and "Bobby Blanchard, Lesbian Gym Teacher," and who could forget "Program Evaluation Procedure for Leisure Service Agencies?" A distinct lack of equine-related subplots, but then again, so was this, and I presume that it's a mistake you'll soon rectify in "Emily Earheardt, Lesbian Horse."

My main complaint though is that try as one might, it's really hard to suspend disbelief and pretend for even a moment that the horses might be lesbians (and believe me, I tried) when you let it slip that they're actually guy horses. Disgusting.

This collection of short stories is a great read. All the stories are very funny and very entertaining and each one plays off of key bits of lesbian history and culture in clever but appreciative ways. The stories are nicely over the top and campy, making me laugh out loud multiple times, but you also end up actually caring about the characters and what happens to them (both the girls and the horses!). Going along for the ride (sorry) and reimagining a world where girls can keep their horses AND get the girl was loads of fun. The cover is excellent also!

As a young filly I found this tome to be soul-satifying. I did not realize I could have passionate realtionships with anything other than the barn cat (her name is Willow, sigh. . . . . ). It has opened my horizons which I expect to fill with exciting new friends and partners. Thank you The Big Book of Lesbian Horse Stories!

How can you not love this book? It's a silly good time full of lesbians and their horses. My only complaint - too g-rated! Pseudo-pulp is always funnier with x-rated scenes, but I still got many chuckles out of this book. The title alone is worth the purchase!

The authors cannot be serious, can they? It reads like a "little book" for little, or limited minds.
A waste of trees and a kind of insult to those who don't use horse culture as sexual intrigue.
So Meh! How about doing honest relationship for a change?

Alisa Surkis and Monica Nolan, The Big Book of Lesbian Horse Stories (Kensington, 2003)

Okay, so lesbians and horses, and a cover straight off a fifties dime novel. How can you possibly go wrong? Let me count the ways, you wretched thing.

I can't, and probably don't want to, count the number of said dime novels I've read, nor the time I've wasted on them. Some achieve a kind of unintentional, campy humor, and the blurb on the back promises that this is the angle Surkis and Nolan took with The Big Book of Lesbian Horse Stories. Really, I had high hopes. But instead of humor brought on by the lunkheaded and unthinking actions of the protagonists, what emerged from this book was relentless, unending political diatribe. Somehow I knew when I got to the words "oppressed by the Patriarchy" I wasn't going to be going anywhere with this. When two Depression-era teens get into debates about the various faults of marxism and capitalism, it got worse. Stories will occasionally stop for a quick direct-to-reader chat about the evils of (fill in the blank, all the usual suspects are here).

So I guess it makes sense for me, since I would seem to be a member of the Patriarchy thanks to possession of outdoor plumbing, to oppress this book. But, I hold no position of power, so unfortunately for the authors (since, after all, oppression is the quickest route to the bestseller lists these days), the worst I can do is give it an awful review, one which it quite richly deserves. Like the pseudo-fiction of other writers who care about nothing but making a point, the material herein is okay if you feel like reading endless political dialectic. But that doesn't make it art. * ½

Have I read the book?

Neigh!!!!!!!!!

But, the title is so titillating, so provocative, that I am compelled to order the book and partake of what are likely a bevy of unadulterated delights.

I must admit to my rapt curiosity of what makes a horse become a lesbian rather than lusting after the stallions in the herd.

I am hoping the book will answer my question.