Customer Reviews

The Big Book of Misunderstanding

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"Do I have to end my life to end my childhood?" Josh Royalton asks. Jim Gladstone's first novel is a good-humored flashback on a family maddeningly normal at its disfunctional worst. So why is Josh about to swallow his dad's Clonazepam tablets?

Unlike misunderstood gay kids whose alienation from family is a rite of passage perhaps more painful than their coming out, Josh was nearly loved to death. It's one of the cosmic ironies of the tale-that whatever Joshy, his brother Lewis, or mother `Becca do, they cannot get beyond Harris, the well-intentioned but controlling father, whose blind faith in their Ozzie and Harriet family appears unshakeable. Whatever they feel, dad assures them they're fine, all's well, they'll get over it, or he'll take care of it. As they flounder toward individuation, his obsessive manipulation drives them away. Lew takes to sports his dad can't coach and eventually escapes to California, leaving no address. `Becca takes psychology courses, gets a Ph.D., and divorces Harris to claim herself. And Josh drifts-still bound by his childhood and his dad's smothering influence, until he's on the edge of a nervous breakdown. He writes his book "to live through my twenty-two years again. I would set them to paper and set them to rest." With The Big Book of Misunderstanding he writes himself out of suicide.

But if you think this book doesn't sound like fun, you misunderstand! It is one of the most original, honest, funny, and brilliantly written memoirs in lavender print. Gladstone's writing is irresistible, with refreshing, inimitable phrasing, sparkling verbs that cut like diamonds, and perfectly apt though unexpected new metaphors. His are sentences you underscore and star in the margins so you can find them again. When Josh's mother sends him to a psychiatrist (he was "caught up in a notion that I was probably a space alien ... rather than the true product of my nominal parents' sexual intercourse"), he passes the Rorschach test: " `What do you see here?' [the shrink] asked. Two erect penises, I thought. `Two blue giraffes,' I said. `And here?' Mega-vagina, obviously. `Butterfly,' I said." Dr. Friedman tells Mrs. Royalton that Josh is a pretty normal kid. "Right. He was totally worthless," Josh concludes. In another scene his worrisome mother phones him at college: "Was your trip back OK, honey?" "Yeah, Mom. It was fine. When I went to the snack bar on the train, I wore a condom in your honor." You will love these people, including delusional dad, who even long after the divorce declines invitations, pretending the family's still together. Everything he ever wanted has fallen apart, and he can't see he caused it.

Josh never forgot The Big Book of Safety Fun, his father's gift when he and Lewis were little-another mistake; it terrified them with fables of frightening accidents, like being scalded from not pre-testing shower water. As the boys grew up, the book came to represent all their father's good-intentioned, wrong choices. In Josh's book, dad misunderstands his family; Josh misunderstands his parents and brother; but mostly, Josh misunderstands himself. Writing The Big Book of Misunderstanding reconciles him with his cloying childhood.

Jim Gladstone dedicates his novel to his parents: "Beyond any book,/Beyond all words,/I love you."

The TBBOM is a very well-described memory of a time when Bridget still loved Bernie and mucky-green bell-bottoms were on their first round of fashion. Like a Supressed Memory Recovery artist, Jim GLADSTONE reminds us why we gave up eating Count Chocula, despite the prize at the bottom of the box. He takes us on a journey that some us never wanted to be on in the first place, but had no say in the matter. We've all been through, "If I have to stop this car, my belt's coming off". GLADSTONE reminds us that, regardless of who we've grown into today, our destiny was shaped by a little brother's fear of a Satanic night light or a father's absolute disbelief of a family broken up. After finishing this Psych-Time Travel novel, you will end up right where you should be - asking yourself how you got here but thankful that you do not have to go back.

This is the story of the Royalton family, related by Josh Royalton who, at the age of 22, looks back over his life to date, contemplating whether or not he can continue; recounting the many events that have led to this situation.
It is a most enjoyable book, funny, sad, with very likeable and real characters. The dominating, ambitious, insensitive but loving father; the cynical brother; the restless mother; we have probably meet people like them. And then Josh himself, a most appealing individual, who as he matures gradually comes to recognise and accept his feelings for other men.
There is no great plot to talk of, but that is part of its charm, for it is beautifully written, and one can truly enjoy the experience.

As a huge fan of coming of age stories, this one rates high on my list. It's rare to find an author who is able to speak so beautifully from the perspective of a youngster, a teenager, and as a young man, all in one wonderful book. Jim's novel is poignant, and funny, and touching, and endearing, and all the things that make reading so enjoyable. I can't recommend it highly enough.

Certainly this story of the Royalton family and son Joshua is not a bad novel: the real crime is how great it could have been. Teasing you with son Joshua asking, "Do I have to end my life to end my childhood?" you later wonder what all the angst is about. By the end of the book, why did he feel suicidal at all? It certainly wasn't the coming-out process; that was relatively easy and quick in this story.

The central problem is that the writer wanted this story to be about a young gay man's desire to separate from the terrible environment of his upbringing. Trouble is, his childhood is pretty good. The supposed bad guy, his father, is not bad at all, and his mother has her own trials but they are fairly mild.

This is more of a chronicle of a boy's life and his family than it is a "gay" novel. In fact, readers will be disappointed at the number of pages devoted to Joshua's rather benign upbringing. The plot doesn't get started till nearly the middle of the book so that we can see various (many of them unnecessary) childhood scenes, equipped with frequent "remember that" sort of name-droppings of TV shows, fad toys and brand names. I don't need an author to goose me onto memory lane; it's more effective to organically weave the environment and era into a story.

There were a few problems with dialogue. Sometimes the children spoke too adult-like, and toward the end of the book, Joshua and his father sound like therapists talking to each other. And there's that main problem that nags the reader throughout the book: what's Joshua's problem? A similar, but much more realistic and believable story is "The World of Normal Boys" by K.M. Soehnlein.

My suggestion is to watch for future works by Jim Gladstone, because he is a good writer. The trouble here: he didn't have an editor.

I loved the first 2/3 of this book. The detail of the narrator's childhood, his brother and parents is so real. All
the insecurities, love, childhood memories are captured beautifully. I was very drawn to this family - the father in particular who was guilty maybe of being too loving, too much of a family man -- and I had a hard time dealing with the determined, headstrong way in which the children worked to separate themselves.

Also, as the narrator grows older and accepts his homosexuality in college - everything seems very rushed. It is just one declaration of "this is me and I'm gay (*snap* sometimes)" after another. Not a lot of detail around his college life - it seems a little forced after so much examination of his childhood. It just rang false for me. One other annoying detail (and my time clock could be off)but some of the pop culture references

Bottom line - I think most people would be greatful for such a nurturing, loving upbringing. The fight to get away pulled me into that whole " be yourself, realize yourself" kind of mentality. I mena the parents embraced the kids differences, even separate amicably (if emotionally)...I guess in some ways the story just comes off as kind of selfish.

What is good here, though, is great. And I highly reccommend this for what is good. The other stuff ... maybe it's just me.

Fun, in low-key sort of way, but it has both the strengths and weaknesses of a first novel: cheerful and insouciant, but searching for a solid ground.

Jim Gladstone's The Big Book of Misunderstanding achieves what is nearly impossible in the twenty-first century - - it provides a fresh take on the American Family. In passages filled with humor and nuanced insights, we are introduced to the uniquely flawed, yet sympathetic, members of the Royalton family. At the center of the story is Josh, an awkward, thoughtful boy who stumbles through a painful growing up process. Although Josh is gay, this is only a minor element of his intriguing journey to adulthood. More central is Josh's struggle to maintain independence from an unconventional father who is so thoroughly controlling that he alienates the entire family. This conflict leads to a powerful scene in which Josh must decide the course of his future. Universal themes and smooth, masterful prose make this wise, engrossing novel a must-read.

Once in awhile a book like this comes along and causes me, as a reader, to suspect the author of eavesdropping on some period of my life. Gladstone's charming debut novel was such a book. His recall of childhood emotions and perceptions (and toys, now that I think about it) is uncanny, and the central idea of this book -- an entire family growing up at the same time -- is intriguingly different. This story is more about coming of age than coming out, and the grownups are as interesting as the kids. Yes, there's a gay guy taking his first steps out of the closet, a near-miss suicide, and a Chernobyl-like family meltdown, but you won't find much postadolescent doom and gloom here, just the bittersweet ache of a puzzled young man trying to make sense of his life. Gladstone navigates the rocky dynamics of the Royalton family with great skill and a keen eye for emotional riptides and undercurrents. At times, in the first half of the book, he seems to be trying too hard to make readers like his quirky, endearing, messed-up Royaltons. And I'd have liked to know more about Josh when he was older. Apart from that, this one's a keeper.

Jim Gladstone is a writer to watch... in 3-D if you're lucky enough to see him read from his work...

I feel like I have been waiting for this book for five years. Since I was 15, I've been reading books with young gay characters, but I'm dissappointed because they all center on Coming Out as this HUGE trauma, as if being gay was the only big issue in our lives. In THE BIG BOOK... Josh's parents are very cool about his being gay and that's not the central concern of the novel. Some of my friends have had major issues with their parents about coming out, but plenty haven't, so its great to find a book that focuses on other things. Lots of my friends- guy/girl/straight/gay - have concerns about trying to have independent identities apart from their families, and that's what this book is mainly about. Its funny, too, and the retro details are fun to read about. It's not preachy, or touchy-feely, and it doesn't feel like a "Message" book...Just a really true-feeling story that totally pulls you in.