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32 of 40 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars
Practical character first based parenting, April 21, 2002
First, let me say right off that my younger son attends the Hyde School in Bath, ME. Second, let me state that I could not be more satisfied with the school: how it has helped him and how it has helped me and the other members of my family. I hoped for and expected the former; the latter came as a complete surprise and I am still somewhat amazed (and bemused). But it is part and parcel of the Hyde philosphy and approach. My experience is certainly not unique. The book was much better than I had expected. It describes the basics of a 'character first' approach to bringing up kids. It is the philosophy used in Hyde's character first approach to education. The basic philosophy: build character, expect excellence, and the rest will follow. And, the entire family is the unit involved. (Please remember, this is a true nutshell description.) Academic achievement (or lack thereof) is NOT a criterion of admission to the Hyde schools. Yet, an astounding 97 or 98% of the graduating seniors receive four year college acceptance! And, from personal experience I can tell you that they walk the walk at Hyde. I've seen it. More than once. So, this is not a book of academic, head-in-the-clouds theorizing about what "should" be done. It is a book grounded in many, many years of actual practice and experience, not only to the students but to the staffs' own children. The "reader from California" who stated "this school is for kids with substance abuse issues": Well, my son did not and does not have such issues, and a school whose main purpose was to serve such a population would NOT have been appropriate for him. At all. Similarly for most of the students at Hyde. The drug/substance program at Hyde is run independently of the school and is an additional expense payable to that program and not to Hyde. It is only chosen by a minority of parents. Hyde is not, in general, (in my opinion) the proper option for students requiring significant drug intervention such as a 24x7 environment. In addition, a surprising number of parents send their younger children to Hyde after seeing the success of their older child at the school. I also wonder on what that reviewer based their statement that the Hyde approach can cause "more harm than good" with 'normal' kids. As for the _Publishers Weekly_ reviewer who criticized the book for not providing an analysis of the "social, economic, and cultural factors that cause the alienation, boredom, underachievement, and family dysfunction", this is pretty ludicrous. I mean, why didn't they also criticize the authors for not solving the problem of world peace? This is a book on practical parenting. Parents must parent now. Parents can't wait for the Correct Analysis of All the Ills of Society and How It Affects Our Children to issue forth. As if it ever could or will. I would also recommend _Character First: The Hyde School Difference_ by Joe Gauld, founder of the Hyde schools. I prefer it even more, partly because of its description of his own personal journey of feeling compelled to leave his highly successful career in private schools to begin a 'character first' base school. It's out of print but available used at Amazon. However, its emphasis is not as much into the nuts and bolts. 4 stars but that's saying a lot for me as most other parenting and self-help books get consigned to my "gag me with a spoon" pile. This book is definitely for real and high on my scale. As I said, they walk the walk.
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7 of 8 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars
Book Review, not School Review, August 23, 2006
This review is from: The Biggest Job We'll Ever Have: The Hyde School Program for Character-Based Education and Parenting (Paperback)
My disclaimer is that I'm a former Hyde Student, one who was not happy while being there but also one who has the benefit of 20 years' hindsight.
I purchased the book a few days ago as I was interested to learn more of the philosophy behind the teaching I experienced first hand. I was curious to understand why I did not like my Hyde experience and what has happened in the intervening years to make me come to understand that I needed character education in my life at that time (and now, too).
While I don't have children of my own, I read the book with fervor and interest as I saw MY childhood and MY parents mirrored in its pages. Flashbacks to various interactions was common - and I had a series of intense emotional responses at times while I read things that hit so close to home I would've sworn that they were writing about my life. The book very clearly lays out the priorities which would've made my childhood more productive (in my humble opinion) and I look forward to being able to put these priorities into practice with my children.
As the title of this review states, I think it's very important to remember that this is a book on parenting. It's a spurious argument to say that if Hyde doesn't practice what they preach 24/7, that the book is inaccurate or that the authors are disingenuous. Living up to these priorities is hard work - and no one is going to be perfect at it, not even Hyde. In fact, the authors clearly detail their DAILY struggle with living up to these priorities in their own personal lives, not to mention helping others do it, too.
Regardless of whether this book is used to market the Hyde programs, whether Hyde is appropriate for you, and whether you've had a good Hyde School experience, the message of the book remains true. I would recommend this book to anyone who is interested in having a relationship with another human being, not just with their children/parents.
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15 of 21 people found the following review helpful:
1.0 out of 5 stars
Not the Whole Story, March 31, 2005
This review is from: The Biggest Job We'll Ever Have: The Hyde School Program for Character-Based Education and Parenting (Paperback)
This book paints an appealing image of an enlightened high school that involves the whole family in developing positive character traits. We do not doubt the authors' sincerity, genuine enthusiasm for, and commitment to the Hyde Schools. Clearly, these authors are eager to spread the good word. However, our actual experience as parents of a Hyde School (in Woodstock, Conn.) student showed us that the practices and policies used to teach "character" often, paradoxically, violate the noble principles articulated in this book and espoused at the school. In our view, it is ironic that a school whose mission is character education is misrepresented in this book, which provides a misleading, partial picture of the Hyde we experienced. Also, it's unfortunate that this book on education, written by educators, does not explicitly refer to the research and theoretical literature on effective behavior management, adolescent development, and education; much of this literature questions methods we saw used at Hyde.
This book does not sufficiently acknowledge that the vast majority of the students enrolled at Hyde have been, in the words of senior administrators who spoke at meetings we attended there, "deported" by parents no longer able to contain their teens at home; these parents hoped Hyde would "fix" the child, "turn the child around." In our opinion, this lack of transparency contradicts the book's stance that honesty and integrity matter.
Further, the book does not accurately describe Hyde's student body. The Hyde student body is not composed solely of willfully disobedient teens who simply need to "shape up" and toe the line. We encountered a significant number of vulnerable teens at Hyde with documented mental health diagnoses that we think the school is not equipped to address; other than a nurse whose job is to dispense medications, there were no trained, licensed professional mental health staff. The authors should be more forthcoming that at Hyde, bona fide mental health struggles are typically viewed as intentional misbehavior, not as legitimate medical issues requiring special care. A youngster with a mental health diagnosis may be struggling with more than just "character flaws" (although we agree with the Hyde perspective presented by the authors that character issues must be addressed as well - a mental health diagnosis does not excuse a teen's conscious choice to behave obnoxiously or break the rules).
Paradoxically, while the book says the school involves parents in the character education process, in our experience at the school parents are often deliberately kept out of the loop. When parents question the school's approach, they are accused of not "buying into the Hyde process," and this in itself is defined as a character flaw; a parent's question is not treated as a legitimate concern worthy of discussion. Alternative perspectives are not tolerated well; in our view, it's ironic that a book that espouses the values of "respect," "integrity," "concern," "conscience," "truth over harmony," and "courage" directly champions a school that often maligns the character and motivations of those who articulate points of view that differ from Hyde's party line.
The authors also emphasize the importance of parents' willingness to participate in family education and seminars. This is an admirable goal. However, the book's portrait of family events differs markedly from the ones we experienced. Mandatory family seminars we attended at the school required, in our view, inappropriate self-disclosures, poor boundaries, and destructive interpersonal behaviors among students, staff, and parents. We witnessed a number of disturbing interactions between staff and families (including students) in which staff made liberal use of shame, blame, intimidation, name calling, demeaning comments, scorn, and humiliation, all in the name of "character education." We would have preferred a more candid report in the book about the tactics and behaviors used by some of Hyde's personnel.
Our concern is that this book by Hyde personnel camouflages and misrepresents what actually goes on at the school (we recognize that there are Hyde families who love the school and feel helped by Hyde's aggressively confrontational, directive, doctrinaire approach). While we do not impugn the authors' character or motives, the book provides only a partial view of the Hyde we experienced.
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