Customer Reviews

The Biggest Job We'll Ever Have: The Hyde School Program for Character-Based Education and Parenting

5 star:		(13)
4 star:		(2)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(2)
1 star:		(1)

 

 

First, let me say right off that my younger son attends the Hyde School in Bath, ME. Second, let me state that I could not be more satisfied with the school: how it has helped him and how it has helped me and the other members of my family. I hoped for and expected the former; the latter came as a complete surprise and I am still somewhat amazed (and bemused). But it is part and parcel of the Hyde philosphy and approach. My experience is certainly not unique.

The book was much better than I had expected. It describes the basics of a 'character first' approach to bringing up kids. It is the philosophy used in Hyde's character first approach to education.

The basic philosophy: build character, expect excellence, and the rest will follow. And, the entire family is the unit involved. (Please remember, this is a true nutshell description.)

Academic achievement (or lack thereof) is NOT a criterion of admission to the Hyde schools. Yet, an astounding 97 or 98% of the graduating seniors receive four year college acceptance!

And, from personal experience I can tell you that they walk the walk at Hyde. I've seen it. More than once. So, this is not a book of academic, head-in-the-clouds theorizing about what "should" be done. It is a book grounded in many, many years of actual practice and experience, not only to the students but to the staffs' own children.

The "reader from California" who stated "this school is for kids with substance abuse issues": Well, my son did not and does not have such issues, and a school whose main purpose was to serve such a population would NOT have been appropriate for him. At all. Similarly for most of the students at Hyde. The drug/substance program at Hyde is run independently of the school and is an additional expense payable to that program and not to Hyde. It is only chosen by a minority of parents. Hyde is not, in general, (in my opinion) the proper option for students requiring significant drug intervention such as a 24x7 environment.

In addition, a surprising number of parents send their younger children to Hyde after seeing the success of their older child at the school. I also wonder on what that reviewer based their statement that the Hyde approach can cause "more harm than good" with 'normal' kids.

As for the _Publishers Weekly_ reviewer who criticized the book for not providing an analysis of the "social, economic, and cultural factors that cause the alienation, boredom, underachievement, and family dysfunction", this is pretty ludicrous. I mean, why didn't they also criticize the authors for not solving the problem of world peace?

This is a book on practical parenting. Parents must parent now. Parents can't wait for the Correct Analysis of All the Ills of Society and How It Affects Our Children to issue forth. As if it ever could or will.

I would also recommend _Character First: The Hyde School Difference_ by Joe Gauld, founder of the Hyde schools. I prefer it even more, partly because of its description of his own personal journey of feeling compelled to leave his highly successful career in private schools to begin a 'character first' base school. It's out of print but available used at Amazon. However, its emphasis is not as much into the nuts and bolts.

4 stars but that's saying a lot for me as most other parenting and self-help books get consigned to my "gag me with a spoon" pile. This book is definitely for real and high on my scale. As I said, they walk the walk.

My disclaimer is that I'm a former Hyde Student, one who was not happy while being there but also one who has the benefit of 20 years' hindsight.

I purchased the book a few days ago as I was interested to learn more of the philosophy behind the teaching I experienced first hand. I was curious to understand why I did not like my Hyde experience and what has happened in the intervening years to make me come to understand that I needed character education in my life at that time (and now, too).

While I don't have children of my own, I read the book with fervor and interest as I saw MY childhood and MY parents mirrored in its pages. Flashbacks to various interactions was common - and I had a series of intense emotional responses at times while I read things that hit so close to home I would've sworn that they were writing about my life. The book very clearly lays out the priorities which would've made my childhood more productive (in my humble opinion) and I look forward to being able to put these priorities into practice with my children.

As the title of this review states, I think it's very important to remember that this is a book on parenting. It's a spurious argument to say that if Hyde doesn't practice what they preach 24/7, that the book is inaccurate or that the authors are disingenuous. Living up to these priorities is hard work - and no one is going to be perfect at it, not even Hyde. In fact, the authors clearly detail their DAILY struggle with living up to these priorities in their own personal lives, not to mention helping others do it, too.

Regardless of whether this book is used to market the Hyde programs, whether Hyde is appropriate for you, and whether you've had a good Hyde School experience, the message of the book remains true. I would recommend this book to anyone who is interested in having a relationship with another human being, not just with their children/parents.

This book by Laura and Malcolm Gauld opened my eyes to a new approach to parenting. While they admit that there are no easy answers, they give us a clear and useful guide to raising children of character in today's world. The authors are very candid about their own lives and experiences as parents and educators. Their use of personal anecdotes of their own and parents they have worked with make the book an entertaining read. In addition, the book offers tools to apply these principles to your family. An excellent addition to the literature on parenting- a fresh approach that everyone can relate to!

This book paints an appealing image of an enlightened high school that involves the whole family in developing positive character traits. We do not doubt the authors' sincerity, genuine enthusiasm for, and commitment to the Hyde Schools. Clearly, these authors are eager to spread the good word. However, our actual experience as parents of a Hyde School (in Woodstock, Conn.) student showed us that the practices and policies used to teach "character" often, paradoxically, violate the noble principles articulated in this book and espoused at the school. In our view, it is ironic that a school whose mission is character education is misrepresented in this book, which provides a misleading, partial picture of the Hyde we experienced. Also, it's unfortunate that this book on education, written by educators, does not explicitly refer to the research and theoretical literature on effective behavior management, adolescent development, and education; much of this literature questions methods we saw used at Hyde.

This book does not sufficiently acknowledge that the vast majority of the students enrolled at Hyde have been, in the words of senior administrators who spoke at meetings we attended there, "deported" by parents no longer able to contain their teens at home; these parents hoped Hyde would "fix" the child, "turn the child around." In our opinion, this lack of transparency contradicts the book's stance that honesty and integrity matter.

Further, the book does not accurately describe Hyde's student body. The Hyde student body is not composed solely of willfully disobedient teens who simply need to "shape up" and toe the line. We encountered a significant number of vulnerable teens at Hyde with documented mental health diagnoses that we think the school is not equipped to address; other than a nurse whose job is to dispense medications, there were no trained, licensed professional mental health staff. The authors should be more forthcoming that at Hyde, bona fide mental health struggles are typically viewed as intentional misbehavior, not as legitimate medical issues requiring special care. A youngster with a mental health diagnosis may be struggling with more than just "character flaws" (although we agree with the Hyde perspective presented by the authors that character issues must be addressed as well - a mental health diagnosis does not excuse a teen's conscious choice to behave obnoxiously or break the rules).

Paradoxically, while the book says the school involves parents in the character education process, in our experience at the school parents are often deliberately kept out of the loop. When parents question the school's approach, they are accused of not "buying into the Hyde process," and this in itself is defined as a character flaw; a parent's question is not treated as a legitimate concern worthy of discussion. Alternative perspectives are not tolerated well; in our view, it's ironic that a book that espouses the values of "respect," "integrity," "concern," "conscience," "truth over harmony," and "courage" directly champions a school that often maligns the character and motivations of those who articulate points of view that differ from Hyde's party line.

The authors also emphasize the importance of parents' willingness to participate in family education and seminars. This is an admirable goal. However, the book's portrait of family events differs markedly from the ones we experienced. Mandatory family seminars we attended at the school required, in our view, inappropriate self-disclosures, poor boundaries, and destructive interpersonal behaviors among students, staff, and parents. We witnessed a number of disturbing interactions between staff and families (including students) in which staff made liberal use of shame, blame, intimidation, name calling, demeaning comments, scorn, and humiliation, all in the name of "character education." We would have preferred a more candid report in the book about the tactics and behaviors used by some of Hyde's personnel.

Our concern is that this book by Hyde personnel camouflages and misrepresents what actually goes on at the school (we recognize that there are Hyde families who love the school and feel helped by Hyde's aggressively confrontational, directive, doctrinaire approach). While we do not impugn the authors' character or motives, the book provides only a partial view of the Hyde we experienced.

Much of what the Gaulds try to teach us in this book was inspired by the teachings of Malcolm's father, Joe Gauld (see his book, "Character First: The Hyde School Way and Why It Works"). The original book about Hyde talks in depth about the "Ten Priorities" for developing good character in your children. A few of the ten are, "truth over harmony", "attitude over aptitude," "principles over rules."

The problem I find with this book is the authors' "one size fits all" strategy for resolving students' and families' issues. In a perfect world we could apply these principles at home, as the authors suggest; we could have the prescribed "mandatory fun" within the family, and "fix" our families' dysfunctional patterns. Unfortunately, we don't live in a perfect world and in this sense the authors' framework is unrealistic. Regrettably, the authors do not acknowledge the many well known failures at Hyde.

The authors take pride in how many students enrolled at Hyde are accepted to four year colleges. They do NOT, however, disclose to the reader the percentage of those students who actually graduate from college. As the parent of a former Hyde student I personally saw a large number of graduates at Hyde who did not succeed in college; many clearly had difficulty surviving in the "real world" after leaving Hyde's very controlled (and controlling) environment.

In addition, the book fails to acknowledge or discuss a very significant percentage of Hyde students: adopted children. Many of these students struggle at Hyde and do not respond well to the school's "one size fits all" program. Interested readers would do well to read an alternative book such as "Parenting the Hurt Child." This book will teach you how to love, praise, be patient and consistent with your child.

The Gaulds' book should also be supplemented by "Parenting a Teen with Love and Logic." Although I believe many of the exercises in the Hyde book are good, it concerns me that the Gaulds believe that all problems within a family are based on "character flaws." As we all know there are many psychological disorders with which struggling teens are diagnosed. These complex emotional struggles cannot all be corrected by the Hyde method explained in this book, although I do believe many character flaws can be addressed by the family involvement embraced by the authors. During my family's time at Hyde I saw many students at the school who had eating disorders, were suicidal, bulimic, violent, or addicted to drugs, yet the book's naïve premise is that if students can work on themselves and their parents will work on themselves, all will be well! This is not only untrue, it is extraordinarily risky, especially at a time when violence in schools is so common. Some students struggle with genuine mental health problems that need to be treated as such.

Yes, read the book and get out of it what you can, but don't believe that this book provides an accurate portrait of Hyde. Also make sure your child is not missing out on the proper health and emotional care that comes from high quality mental health professionals.

I am a current student at the Hyde School. I saw this book on amazon.com and immediately thought that I should post a comment on what I felt and truths behind the philosophy and how it is taught.

I recall hearing a statement that someone believes Hyde is viewed by many as something along the lines of a cult. It is true; many students have used that metaphor many times, including me. They believe that they are always right, and there is no way around it. Their philosophy is great; the views and things they try to teach the students are dead-on and I barely have any complaints about them. HOWEVER, they go about teaching them the wrong way. Example: There is a prinipal at Hyde that they call "Brother's Keeper," which is defined as holding eachother to their best. This idea is a great idea and should be practiced, however students should not be penalized and given severe consequences for such petty incidents such as being with someone who is wearing a hat inside a building. They go about dealing with students using profanity by making them do pushups rather than actually seeing the reason behind the profanity and seeing if there was, infact, true justification for it's use.

Example of a severe consequence? "2-4." I believe it stands for 24 hours in a day, in which a student is put on "2-4" for an indefinite period of time. While on "2-4," a student is not permitted to talk to anyone else in the school except for faculty, not allowed to eat hot food on the lunch line (bagels, salads, etc. are allowed), rake leaves/shovel snow/clean all the buildings (depending on the season), and must attend "5:30's" every day. What is a "5:30," you ask? It is when a student is required to be inside the gymnasium at 5:30 in the morning in order to conduct a workout. These include suicides (the type of running, not the taking of one's own life), laps, pushups, situps, wall-sits, and basically every form of physical work you can think of. I have been on "2-4" for weeks at a time because Hyde dean's THOUGHT that I had broken rules and still had them on my consciense, which I clearly did not. I am scared to use my real name on Amazon, my grade, what year I am in at Hyde, or even which campus I am at, because I would most likely be put on "2-4" for attitude and have to deal with multiple confrontations about something along the lines of a "rebel attitude."

I apologize because it seems that this is turning into a whole complaint and argument against Hyde, which is not my intention. This is not the place for that. However, I am just trying to portray some things regarding Hyde that you may not know of by just reading Joe Gauld's (whom I have had the pleasure of meeting, as well as his son, Malcom Gauld) book. I have lived this book for long enough to know what I am talking about.

Basically, my advice is to not look at this review and say "Hyde must be full of bs" because Hyde is far from it. Their views are great and their philosophy is great, but the way they teach it to their students is way too off. I suggest reading this book if you have children and carefully looking at all of the ideas and philosophies in the book. However, I suggest NOT teaching your children those ideas in the ways that may be described in the text, but rather using your own ways and seeing what works on your child, because no technique will work for everyone. Hyde's techniques have worked on a select few individuals in my school (I'd say around 7 out of over 200), and I have seen more negative results than positive results.

2006 Comment: I wrote this review 3 years ago, and have watched with interest how the Amazon reviews for the book have primarily come from people whose families attended Hyde School, where the concepts were developed. If you read through the reviews, many people are delighted with the experience the book represents, while some were disappointed in how their Hyde family experience turned out.

I decided to add to my review to add some context to the patterns I see here, six years after our son graduated from Hyde and three after the review I wrote. My current thoughts:

* If you have never visited Hyde (and even if you never intend to!) the book is a worthwhile read if you're a parent or a teacher. Even if you ultimately disagree with their approach it will be thought-provoking and well worth the time.

* Ignore the ultra-passion on all sides.
-- Some families enter Hyde in crisis and leave there feeling far better about themselves and each other... though still with plenty of issues to work on. That results in a huge sense of relief and gratitude that you hear coming out in the most enthusiastic reviews. I would not assume you'll end up mega-thrilled with the book, nor should you be driven away by such passionate advocates. It's just plain worth reading and you'll emerge thoughtful but neither a crusader nor a cynic. :-)
-- For whatever reason, for some kids and families it doesn't seem to help, and the disappointment hurts. Our family gained tremendously from the experience; some friends who did not feel they benefitted have opinions that are just as valid as mine. But I have seen so many good outcomes that I would not let those bad experiences dissuade you from reading the book, although I can confirm that both the "Hyde changed my life!" stories and the less-numerous "I'm disappointed with Hyde" stories are very real.

On that note my review from 3+ years ago is below. My opinion of the book, the school and its positive impact on our lives remains unchanged. The Gaulds' philosphy continues to impact how I consider problems at home and at work in a common-sense way that I get a lot of results from using.

The 2003 review:
As with a prior reviewer, I should start by saying that our family went through the Hyde School program, which the authors lead. Like everything else in life it isn't perfect, but it left each of us -- parents and kids -- with much better tools to do our best in our lives. My marriage, my relationships with my kids and my work performance all grew because I started growing again as a person... something I had stopped doing for a while without even realizing it. My son was the student there but I got a tremendous gift from my participation.

BTW, the school program has nothing to do with substance abuse, although some kids who go there have had those problems. That's also true for our local high school.

If I had to boil it down in my own words, the Hyde program and the Gaulds' core goals are about figuring out what your dreams really are, and then "walking the walk" about pursuing them. This book talks about these principles and values in the context of parenting, but going through the program I instantly saw practical places where it applied to my marriage and my work life as well.

I have very little patience for flighty theoretical "how to live your life" books. I found this book quite down-to-earth rather than off in some idealized universe, and it gave me ideas I could start to use immediately.

In the end it was inspiring and addresses both mind and spirit, but those benefits come "bottom up" from the practical wisdom rather than from long speeches about how things ought to be inside our heads.

So count me as someone who got tremendous benefits from the program this book represents.

I am currently in Sarasota, FL, visiting my daughter, a former 4-year student and graduate of the Hyde-Bath campus. I was online searching for some resources, as I am considering a private position tutoring a student with dyslexia; although I don't have a lot of direct experience in this area, I am guessing that these students are frustrated, often underappreciated and underestimated...I was adding a copy of the Gauld's book, The Biggest Job, to my shopping cart (even though I was a participant in "the process" for seven consecutive years)when I decided to take a look at the reviews...When I think back on the things I've done as a parent, the choice to become involved with Hyde (please know that I corrected myself and DIDN't write 'send my daughter to' - there's such a difference!)was THE BEST THING I have ever done, absolutely NO REGRETS!! My experience helped me to see my kid for the awesome person she is, rather than focus on a list of shortcomings, which I would subsequently 'FESS UP to being a model for... I must say that I read, WITH AMUSEMENT I might add, a current student's review, and the complaints are typical of one who is not used to the word NO and accepting/establishing limits. I can't wait to share this kid's review with E. - I know she will chuckle...Anyway, my purpose was to revisit the thinking behind the Hyde model as I entertain the possibility of working with a student who has not had much school success, I have learned that there is so much more than meets the eye! My daughter blossomed in this challenging environment, and my own Hyde experience made me re-think just about everything, including my work with students...sooner or later it all comes down to being honest to yourself and others - I am forever inspired and forever grateful. And yes, even after tuition, I am buying the book! For a FRESH way of reflecting on your role as a parent, especially when it seems all that you "do" is for naught, this is so worth it...

This is a fantastic book that focuses on the importance of character development in our children, and it provides an outline of how to achieve it. The book is well written and easy to understand. Suggestions for "homework" at the end of many chapters are highly effective and provide a mechanism to start using the tools that are introduced in the book. Not only has Hyde provided our son the tools to work toward his unique potential; as parents of a Hyde student, the lives of my wife and myself, our relationship, and our relationship with our other children, have been enriched by our efforts to follow these guidelines. In a society where cheating, dishonesty, and self-destructive behavior are all too common, this book is a must read for all educators, all teachers, all parents, and even couples without children! Having read the book, I am now buying copies for all of my friends.

This book, written by the daughter-in-law of the founder of the Hyde Schools, espouses a character-first philosophy of education. This philosophy has much to recommend it, although as other reviewers have pointed out, "The Biggest Job . . ." repeats many of the same old cliches as other books. But it does have its place.

Nonetheless, this book should be used with caution IF you are using it to evaluate the Hyde schools. Because it is given out during family interviews, it functions as a recruiting tool. Of the current eight reviews, three of the most glowing are written by parents of Hyde students. Several earlier negative reviews by former Hyde parents have been removed. What those earlier reviews said, in essence, is that the emperor had no clothes and that Hyde's methods did not always mirror their philosphy.

The bottom line is that if you're looking for help raising your childred, then this is as good a book as any. BUT if you're thinking of sending your child to Hyde, it's only part of the picture. Talk to other parents--including those who have had negative epxeriences with the school