Customer Reviews

Birthbond: Reunions Between Birthparents and Adoptees - What Happens After

5 star:		(13)
4 star:		(3)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(3)
1 star:		(1)

 

 

My 41 year old daughter, her husband and children, her adoptive parents and I are now into the 8th month of our most joyful reunion and getting acquainted time. This book, which I am now ordering as a gift for her parents, was extremely helpful to me in the early months, when my emotions ran the roller coaster from indescribable joy to deep sadness. In particular, the discussion of the "loss piece" helped me more than anything else to understand how much unresolved grief I had - and, finally -- to put most of it to rest once and for all. Although each person is indeed a unique individual with his/her own reactions, we can all learn from the experiences of others which have been magnificently described in this book.

While this is a very well written book, I found the title misleading. I assumed this would deal with what happens after the renunion for Birhtparents and Adoptees, but the book is heavily weighted towards reporting the aftermath for Birthmothers. If you are an adoptee, or interested in what the consequences of a reunion mean to them, you will be sorely dissapointed. If you are a birthmother, you'll find the book thorough and insightful.

Of all the books on adoption reunion, this one is the best for birthmothers because it describes such a range of reunions and issues that can be raised. It was most helpful to me because I read it early in the reunion with my son, when I knew little or nothing about the emotional turmoil I was experiencing, and it allowed me to see a variety of possibilities. Birthmothers never forget their lost children, and this book helps us to see that each of us is not alone. It was a poor social experiment with people's lives, closed adoption. Now it's time to learn its ugly lessons and move on to happier and more productive lives! This book can help birthparents, adoptees, and adoptive parents to see the results of closed adoption.

This is the first adoption related book I have read, and found my birth mother about a year ago. I was concerned with reading any adoption type books because I had heard others in the triad talk about different books that they had read, and thought it all un-realistic. I took the chance and read this book, and am very glad I did. It opened my eyes to truly how birth mothers felt about relinquishing their children, and mostly about how reunion had affected their lives in positive and negative ways. I recommend this book as a must read!

This book discusses the experiences of 40 reunions primarily from the point of view of adoptee and birthparent. It's the first I've seen that looks at reunions after the 6month mark on to 5+ years. I'm almost 5 years into a positive, joyful reunion. As the birthmother, I've also experienced the bittersweet pain of reunion. This daughter & the one I raised are so alike...flashing on what we missed can be very painful. People outside of a reunion experience do not understand or relate. There is also some material from the adoptive family's perspective. If you are in reunion, positive and joyful, or difficult and painful, do read this book. You will find situations to identify with!

Five Stars ... this book was wonderful. Truly a blessing for anyone in the process of search and reunion. It helps the adoptee understand the feelings and emotions of both their birth family and their adoptive family. For parents (both birth and adoptive), it provides a wonderful sense of not being alone. Other people have and do experience the same emotions. I definitely recommend this book to anyone embarking on the journey of reunion! It provides the reader with an understanding of what they can expect during every point in the reunion process and beyond!

In the late 1980s, there were few books for birthmothers. This book validated the emotional pain I had carried (silently) during the decades after surrendering my child to a system of closed adoption. One of the authors is a birthmother. Thank you, Judith and Linda, for a pioneering work which, I'm sure, helped many people!

I found this book to be thought provoking and a great help in understanding the plight of SOME birth mothers. All adoptions are not the same and whether or not you find your birth mother/father, this book is a very good resource to start thinking outside the box. It gives a viewpoint outside of 'us'. In reality, as adoptees, it really is usually all about 'me'. As an adult, 40+, reunited with my birthmother for the past 2.5 years, this book gave me a clearer understanding of the difficulties that she may be going through in this process as well as opening my mind to view the experience in a different perhaps more profound way. My only advice to younger readers is read EVERY book you can. There are NO clear cut answers. There is no magical answer. BUT every book will give you some insight. You may or may not agree with everything the author says, however, if you can take one thing and learn about the process, or yourself or even your birthmother's experience, then it will be worth the price.

I have read half a dozen books on this subject and I keep referring back to this one. It was not nearly as negative and depressing as some of the other books I read. It gave me hope that my own reunion can be affected by my understanding of my birthmother's feelings.

There are a lot of books about Being Adopted or Finding Your Birthparents, but not enough guides to help you with the minefield/rollercoaster ride (pick your analogy) that is Reunion and Beyond. Everyone has seen that first hug on "Sally", "Oprah" or "Unsolved Mysteries", but the real unsolved mystery is "What now? How do I integrate this new 'blood-but-not-quite-family' person into my life?" The authors of Birthbond (one a researcher and one a birthmother) surveyed about 40 birthmothers and describe their experiences. As an adoptee, it has helped me understand some of what my birthmom is dealing with - I gave her a copy, too. A fine roadmap for emotional terra incognito.