This is a beautifully written and valuable book for our understanding of birthmothers who describe experiences in both closed and open adoptions. Many have grieved; others have felt relief; a number have entirely repressed their emotions. Regardless of what they think about relinquishment, many continue to struggle with the emotional effects of suppressing their maternal drive in the form of rage, frustration, sorrow, guilt, and self-doubt. Many birthmothers emphasized that reunion was not a cure for the regrets, angers, or grief they faced after relinquishing. The author writes that 'even in mutually rewarding reunions, most birthmothers experienced profound sensations of loss.' Yes, I understand this feeling because I have personal experience with the birthmother of our daughter. Relinquishment occurred in 1969, when the baby was 4 days old and 28 years later our birthmother found us. Today, we love one another and our daughter has a cordial relationship with her birthmother, but our birthmother is facing the terrible reality that her grown daughter, now a mother herself, is not the needy little baby she had relinquished and a late mother-child relationship is impossible. 'Even reunions can't make it right.'
I recommend this book to everyone, not just to members of the adoption triad. It is a book about humanity.
Gisela Gasper Fitzgerald, author of ADOPTION: An Open, Semi-Open or Closed Practice?