Customer Reviews

Birthmothers: Women Who Have Relinquished Babies for Adoption Tell Their Stories

5 star:		(8)
4 star:		(0)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(3)

 

 

I just last night finished this book. It is one of the best I have read so far. In some places of this book which I underlined or marked it was as if I myself wrote it. I felt alot of the things described and still do. I am a birthmother of 2 daughters from the 70's so I lived in the era that condemned, shamed and lied to us. It is a relief knowing it was NOT me who had all this happen to all alone that there are hundreds of thousands of other women. We birthmothers need to know we are not alone anymore. I highly recommend not only birthmothers to read this but adoptees and adoptive mothers as well. We all in this triad need to learn to feel for each other and understand each others pain. But most of all our adoptees need to be put first. They must no more be made to feel ashamed of who they are, they didn't ask to be adopted did they? PLEASE no one flame me for my opinion here! After all I am human and have a heart.

I wasn't so sure how useful I would find this book since it's about closed adoption birth mothers (and doesn't include research on semi-open or open adoption birth mothers.) However I found that so many things in the book apply to ALL birth mothers!! I especially think the author did a GREAT job talking about the depth of grief and life long effects it has on birth mothers. I haven't read a book on adoption yet that even comes close to being as accurate as this book is on the subject of birth mother grief and pain! Highly recommend this book for ALL members of the Adoption "triad"!

This is a beautifully written and valuable book for our understanding of birthmothers who describe experiences in both closed and open adoptions. Many have grieved; others have felt relief; a number have entirely repressed their emotions. Regardless of what they think about relinquishment, many continue to struggle with the emotional effects of suppressing their maternal drive in the form of rage, frustration, sorrow, guilt, and self-doubt. Many birthmothers emphasized that reunion was not a cure for the regrets, angers, or grief they faced after relinquishing. The author writes that 'even in mutually rewarding reunions, most birthmothers experienced profound sensations of loss.' Yes, I understand this feeling because I have personal experience with the birthmother of our daughter. Relinquishment occurred in 1969, when the baby was 4 days old and 28 years later our birthmother found us. Today, we love one another and our daughter has a cordial relationship with her birthmother, but our birthmother is facing the terrible reality that her grown daughter, now a mother herself, is not the needy little baby she had relinquished and a late mother-child relationship is impossible. 'Even reunions can't make it right.'
I recommend this book to everyone, not just to members of the adoption triad. It is a book about humanity.
Gisela Gasper Fitzgerald, author of ADOPTION: An Open, Semi-Open or Closed Practice?

As a birthmother, I can fully relate to the level of pain and remorse described in this book. Entrusting one's child to adoption is the most heartbreaking decision anyone could ever have to make, and it is further complicated by the fact that for many women, there was no choice. (Coercion in adoption remains widespread.)

All would-be adoptive parents need to read this book to fully understand the grief of their children's birthparents. If they do, they will learn to treat the birthfamily with love and respect, and welcome them in via a truly open adoption.

An important work! I recommend that all triad members and adoption social workers read it. Jones is not a member of the adoption triad (i.e., she's not a birthmother, an adoptee, or an adoptive parent). The author interviewed birthmothers and put important nuggets of their experiences into this book. Though we don't get to know any of the birthmothers in depth, we do learn how they felt about relinquishment long-term, feelings ignored by our entire society for much too long.

I COULD NOT PUT THIS BOOK DOWN. THE INSIGHT'S INTO MYSELF WERE REMARKABLE. I WANTED TO UNDERLINE THE SENTENCES AND SEND THE BOOK TO MY CHILDREN. I FOUND MYSELF ALL OVER THE BOOK. IF OTHERS ONLY KNEW HOW DEEPLY WE DO FEEL. THANK YOU FOR THE WONDERFUL EXPERIENCE.

I really enjoyed this book. I've been in reunion with my son for 6 months now and I'd found him (no contact) 2 months prior to that. This is an extremely emotion time for all involved and it's good to hear other birthmothers' sides/stories, their actions and repercussions, and such. I found it very informative and eye opening. It's also nice to find out that other women feel the same way I do. I highly recommend this book.

As a young woman (Birthmother)who has selected adoption as the best choice for an unplanned pregnancy, I would say that I found this book disturbing at times, downright upsetting at others. I would argue that while there are some common themes that could be drawn upon in writing this acccount; there were too many "scary stories" included in this book to make it credible as any worthwhile reccomendation for the average birthmother, adoptee, or adoptive parent. The author documented incidences of incestuous relationships between birthparents and their relinquished children in a way that made them sound somewhat typical; this was unsupported, and in my opinion a disservice to the entire piece's integrity. She also coined a phrase, "The Birthmother Syndrome" wherein attempts were made at classifying, categorizing, and diagnosing women who have been through a similar experience, but cannot possibly be so easily analyzed as she has done here. Ultimately this book (from my perspective) propagated stereotypes and was a discouraging piece to read

I ordered this book as a future adoptive father to understand the difficulties facing a birthmother. I'm praying that this book is dated and attitudes have changed about adoption. One of the things i find most disturbing is the authors portrayal of all birthmothers as victims, railroaded into their decision (or lack there of) to offer their child up for adoption. It is very clear from some of the stories that this is true or at the very least true in the eyes of the birthmother. Many of the birthmothers appear to suffer from severe psychological problems precipitated by giving their child up. The stories offered by the birthmothers are power enough without the authors unsupported interpretations that litter this book. Its very clear that the author does not support adoption at all. One birthmother explains how she feels that adoption was the best available option (but far from ideal) for a very difficult situation in her case. She goes on to say that through the years she come to terms with her difficult decision. The author then concludes that this birthmother is surely in denial. The positive thing i have taken from this book is some understanding of historical views on adoption. However, the negatives far out weigh the positive. The sampling size from the study this book is based on is very small. As a scientist i would be hesitant to draw any conclusions much less the sweeping conclusions reached by the author.

This book is not a all what I had hoped it would be. It talks about the 60's and 70's and women that were placed in homesand beaten when their parents found out they were pregnant. It seems that 99% of the women didn't want to place their children for adoptionand I was looking for a book where the decision was made with a heavy heart but knowing that it was the right choice. All horror stories and nothing positive or uplifting. Would not recommend if you are looking to place your child for adoption, almost seemed like propaganda to scare you away from one of the most selfless and loving things you could ever do.