Bite Me: A Love Story [Hardcover]

Christopher Moore (Author)

Book Description

Release date: March 23, 2010

The city of San Francisco is being stalked by a huge shaved vampyre cat named Chet, and only I, Abby Normal, emergency backup mistress of the Greater Bay Area night, and my manga-haired love monkey, Foo Dog, stand between the ravenous monster and a bloody massacre of the general public.

Whoa. And this is a love story? Yup. 'Cept there's no whining. See, while some lovers were born to run, Jody and Tommy were born to bite. Well, reborn, that is, now that they're vampires. Good thing theirs is an undying love, since their Goth Girl Friday, Abby Normal, imprisoned them in a bronze statue.

Abby wants to be a bloodsucking fiend, too, but right now she's really busy with other stuff, like breaking in a pair of red vinyl thigh-high Skankenstein® platform boots and wrangling her Ph.D.-candidate boyfriend, Steve (the love monkey). And then there's that vampire cat Chet, who's getting bigger and smarter—and thirstier—by the minute. Abby thought she and Steve could handle the kitty cat on their own, mais non . . .

Before you can say "OMG! WTF?" Tommy and Jody are sprung from captivity, and join forces with Abby, Steve, the frozen-turkey-bowling Safeway crew, the Emperor of San Francisco and his trusty dogs Lazarus and Bummer, Abby's gay Goth friend Jared, and SF's finest Cavuto and Rivera to hunt big cat and save the city. And that's when the fun really begins.

--This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

Editorial Reviews

Review

“Moore’s most hysterical ‘love story’ to date.” (Booklist )

“I can’t emphasize enough how funny BITE ME is.” (Bookreporter.com )

“Moore’s twisted take on the undead comes as a welcome respite from the recent spate of TV, film and book offerings to bombard us.” (Edmonton Journal on BITE ME )

“Moore carved a niche in the horror-comedy genre, and anyone with a fiendish sense of humor will love his writing.” (Florida Times-Union on BITE ME )

“Moore proves he has few rivals on the humour-opus front with this high-larious romp that just might have driven the final nail into old Nosferatu’s coffin.” (Ottawa Citizen on BITE ME )

From the Back Cover

The city of San Francisco is being stalked by a huge shaved vampyre cat named Chet, and only I, Abby Normal, emergency back-up mistress of the great Bay Area night, and my mangahaired love monkey, Foo Dog, stand between the ravenous monster and a bloody massacre of the general public.

Whoa. And this is a love story? Yup. See, while some lovers were born to run, Jody and Tommy were born to bite. Well, reborn, that is, now that they're vampires. Good thing theirs is an undying love, since they're imprisoned in a bronze statue. Their Goth Girl Friday, Abby Normal, wants to be a bloodsucking fiend, too, but right now she's really busy with other stuff like Chet, who's getting bigger and smarter—and thirstier—by the minute.

Before you can say "OMG! WTF?" Tommy and Jody are sprung from captivity, and join forces with Abby and the entire crew to hunt big cat and save the city. And that's when the fun really begins.

--This text refers to the Paperback edition.

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Hardcover: 320 pages
• Publisher: William Morrow; 1 edition (March 23, 2010)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0061779725
• ISBN-13: 978-0061779725
• Product Dimensions: 7.6 x 5.3 x 1.1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 10.4 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 4.1 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (153 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #453,880 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Christopher Moore is the author of eleven previous novels: Practical Demonkeeping, Coyote Blue, Bloodsucking Fiends, Island of the Sequined Love Nun, The Lust Lizard of Melancholy Cove, Lamb, Fluke, The Stupidest Angel, A Dirty Job, You Suck, and Fool. He lives in San Francisco.

Amazon Author Rankbeta 

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#61 in Kindle eBooks > Literature & Fiction > Horror

#61 in Kindle eBooks > Literature & Fiction > Horror

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

78 of 83 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Rawr is totally a thing... January 22, 2010

By Susan Tunis TOP 100 REVIEWERVINE™ VOICE

Format:Hardcover|Amazon Vine™ Review (What's this?)

In my rave review of Moore's last novel, Fool, I implied that his novels inspired by Shakespeare and the Bible are more substantive than his fluffier San Francisco/Pine Cove novels. This latest novel, Bite Me, has me rethinking that statement. Funny, it is. Fluffy, it is not. Bite Me is the third (and final?) novel in the Bloodsucking Fiends series. The first novel in a great series is always special because it's our introduction to a new world. That said, this latest installment just might be the best. What I can tell you is this: I found it to be darker, scarier, more suspenseful, and at least as funny as the previous novels. And in addition to all of the above, it's genuinely moving. These characters have been my friends for more than a decade now. I've grown to care about them.

The novel opens pretty much in the immediate wake of You Suck. The opening chapter is the first of many that are narrated by the unforgettable Abby Normal, self-proclaimed "emergency back-up mistress of the greater Bay Area night." Abby begins by providing a dizzying (and helpful) recap of the first two novels, but I'd strongly suggest you read Bloodsucking Fiends: A Love Story and You Suck: A Love Story before tackling this one. She and Foo Dog still inhabit the "love lair." Jody and Tommy are still encased in bronze. Chet, the huge shaved vampire cat is on the prowl. And all of our favorite San Franciscans are back: the Emperor, Bummer, and Lazarus; the Animals; cops Rivera and Cavuto; the folks from Asher's Secondhand Store; and others. And Moore fans, a beloved past character who's never shown up in San Francisco before makes an unexpected appearance in a supporting role. Be careful what you read about this novel. It would be a shame to ruin the surprise!

I don't want to summarize the plot. It's too crazy, it lurches in all sorts of unexpected directions, and why should I ruin your fun? What I can tell you is that I was completely surprised by the novel's ending. Earlier I said this novel is darker, scarier, and more suspenseful. (At this point I should admit that I'm a total wuss who's afraid of horror movies and rollercoasters.) Still, characters are placed in real jeopardy. Not all will survive. And I was definitely on the edge of my seat for large stretches of the novel. That Moore can maintain this level of tension while being spit-milk-out-your-nose funny is astonishing. I didn't actually spit any milk out of my nose. I read this novel while laid up with the flu. Every time I laughed out loud it started a coughing jag. I nearly coughed up a lung, but I just couldn't put it down! If that's not a recommendation, what is?

Despite aphorisms about old dogs and new tricks, I have to say it: I think Chris Moore is getting better. I've been a hardcore fan for years, and that is saying quite a bit.

23 of 28 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Abby-Dabba-Do! January 30, 2010

By Nicole Del Sesto

Format:Hardcover|Amazon Vine™ Review (What's this?)

Who, but Christopher Moore, can give you a book with both tender moments, and fart jokes? Nobody I can think of, and that's one of the things that makes him so brilliant.

In Bite Me, we return to the streets of San Francisco, (as much a character in the book as the humans ... and the various assorted other creatures), picking up where You Suck: A Love Story left off. Much of the book is told from the perspective of Abby Normal, and OMFG I LOVE HER!

I found this book to be slightly more sophisticated than the previous two. A novel you can really (ready?) sink your teeth into. And I'm not just saying that because the pun works. With all the vampire fiction out there these days, vampire lore can get really tired. There were some unique aspects in this book which really put a fresh spin on things, and frankly some fun kind of sciencey stuff that gave it some of that aforementioned substance.

Never to be taken for granted, and always worthy of mention is Moore's humor. The book started funny, it stayed funny, it ended funny. So many "comic" novels have laugh out loud starts, which sort of dwindle away as the story progresses. Not so with Bite Me. Many, many, laugh out loud moments.

Do you have to have read Bloodsucking Fiends: A Love Story and You Suck to read this one? Probably not, there's enough background information given, but why wouldn't you?

25 of 33 people found the following review helpful

3.0 out of 5 stars Maybe it's just me... February 10, 2010

By Xina143 VINE™ VOICE

Format:Hardcover|Amazon Vine™ Review (What's this?)

But I didn't dig this installment as much as the first two! "Bloodsucking Fiends" was great! It had just the right amount of snarky sarcasm. It wasn't over the top, but it pushed the limits and almost went there. "You Suck" introduced us to Tommy and Jody's minion-Abby Normal. A little goth girl with a hankering to be 'nosferatu' (as she puts it). And finally, we get "Bite Me" and I have to say, I am a bit disappointed.

This book is told from Abby's point of view, and along the way she discover that Abby isn't quite as Goth as she wants us all to think. She is a confused, silly little girl. That isn't to say Moore doesn't slay with a few one liners, and he introduced us to a lonely old man-Okata-that I want to know more about. (Truth be told, he was the most interesting character in the book to me) Jody and Tommy didn't do a whole lot here, but then neither did Abby.

Chet, the giant, shaved vampire cat had a bigger role, but we didn't get to the crux of the story until about 80% of the way into the book, which means for me the ending was a little rushed, and a little too predictable.

It was funny, I will say that, but it didn't have that edge that the earlier two did, not for me anyways.