Customer Reviews

Black Baby White Hands: A View from the Crib

5 star:		(18)
4 star:		(2)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(2)
1 star:		(3)

 

 

As someone who works with adoptive families, I can say that this book is just the kind of truthful, balanced story adoptive families need to be exposed to. The review dated July 3, 2006 must be from a person who did not truly read this book, at least not with an open spirit. There is absolutely no bitterness or negativity in this book. The author is piercingly honest about what he felt and thought AS A CHILD. This should not be confused with his adult perspective. The entire book is a loving testimony to the devoted love of his adoptive family and the very human fragility we all carry within our relationships. Jaiya John absolutely does not conclude anything negative from his experience. Just the opposite, he finds a higher meaning in the purpose and circumstance of his life and his belonging within his family. Anyone who has heard this author speak publically understands that he exudes an incredible level of peace, compassion, and open-heartedness and that he and his adoptive family are close. This book is devoted to sharing one child's truth in a way that should open us all to the truth within every child, including the child within us. Well written, insightful, and full of humor, appreciation, and a hopeful message for families.

I laugh. I shake my head and feel kinship. I cry and take long walks. I sigh and realize my parents didn't know how to protect me-it wasn't malice. I get why I am the way I am. 36 years of baggage is disappearing. I am so thankful that Jaiya John wrote his story and that I was lead to it. I marvel at the similarities in our circumstances that I thought only I owned. I have a new level of understanding about why I do the things I do to this day.

It is such a relief to me that after all these years there is proof that I wasn't making up stories about feeling lost and alone. This book have given me a self-assurance I never had before and because of it I walk in the world differently because I know I deserve to. Conversations about my life are being spoken. I got an apology from my biological father...and felt peace. People have no idea how much this book has changed my life.

As a white sister of an African American boy adopted in 1970,a mother of two Ethiopian children and a soical woker creating multiracially families I have to say this is the most true,painful and amazing book I have read. I painfully made my way through the book for the first time truly understanding the depth of my brother's experience. Wanting to deny what Jaiya was sharing but knowing he was right. Remembering too many painful moments for my brother. However,celebrating the progress we have made and the changes I have made as a mother of black children but also agonizing over the changes we have not made.... It is now required reading for all of my families wanting to adopt across the racial lines.

As an adult adoptee, I am well aware that often people accuse adoptees of being ungrateful or self-pitying whenever they dare to express that their childhood involved challenges. Black Baby White Hands makes the author's gratitude obvious even as it speaks truthfully to the blessings and challenges this child faced. This book is extremely honest. If you are a parent and wish to have a glimpse into the secret thoughts and emotions of your own child, this story is likely to give you that. If you wish to understand your OWN childhood better, this book is likely to provide you that. The author's tone is loving, full of compassion and inviting. The story is full of humor, poetry and a heartwarming conclusion. The family described here seems extremely similar to hundreds of other loving families I have known or met who adopt children and then encounter the unveiling of a private adoptive child's world that this society still poorly understands. When we adoptees tell you our stories, we are not feeling sorry for ourselves, we are trying desperately to get people to understand so that other children will benefit. This book, if read with humility, will advance greatly your understanding. And your soul will be deepened.

My husband read this book and loved it. It also prompted him to buy several jazz CDs, as well as comedy CDs of Chris Rock and Richard Pryor.
I find this book to be self-indulgent, and more than a little repetitive. Jaiya John says the same thing in every chapter: He had a good life, with good parents, but felt disconnected from his family and friends because his race wasn't something he could talk about. This book would have been an excellent memoir, and an important piece of literature for those adopting black children, if it had been better edited.
The poetry in this book is beautiful, and it may be worth reading just for that. Jaiya John overdoes the prose, however, continually using several adjectives, adverbs, metaphors, and similes to describe each detail of his life. A person cannot just say something, he or she "tenderly tells" or "let [words] pass through their lips." The same points are hammered page after page. Somehow, the childhood he conveys is one in which he suffered pain, shame, embarassment, and low self esteem. He writes that his brother Greg (also black) must have had the same thoughts too, but Jaiya John apparently either didn't ask him or Greg didn't want his opinions in the book. Jaiya John often speaks for other people, and we're left with an incomplete picture of his life.
I know I'm going to take a pounding for this, but this book is not the best one about transracial adoption. Other than this man's self-pity, there are maybe a dozen salient points put forth. The rest is redundant and overdone.

Honestly, I only made it half way through the book before I could not stand it anymore. Although the author is a very eloquent writer, his pity party over his life was more then I could bare. He was raised by wonderful loving parents who did the best they could to raise him with all the opportunities, guidance, love and affection they could. He had extended family that loved him and treated him with respect (and by his own admittance, some overcame huge prejudicial upbringings to fully love and accept him as their kin). He had friends that accepted him, and loving siblings. He had a better life then I would say the majority of children growing up in America do. He had enough food on the table, family traditions, safe housing, wonderful memories, and most importantly loving family bonds. Although he was adopted by white parents (the author is black), he himself admits that they rescued him from a neglectful foster home. He came home to them so neglected that his head was flat and his muscles weak. His parents nursed him back to health. He waited 9 long months for a family, and because there were no black placements available, he was adopted by a white family. ANY family is better then living in a negectful foster home. FAMILY is the most important thing! Just ask the children that age out of the foster care sytem without one, 50% end up homeless and on drugs. Yet, this author does nothing but complain about how hard it was to be black in a white family. He gives no real evidence of this, no one treated him badly, he did not have major negative experiences within his family, he just was sensitive and felt insecure. Just think how insecure and unloved he would have felt if he were never adopted. Or stayed with his birthmother who was in no condition to raise another child? His parents moved away from their families to raise their black sons in an environment that was not prejudice. They did the best that they could. But all the author felt was sorry for himself. He was insecure and was always convinced that people did not truly love or accept him, despite their actions. He blamed things like having to share the back, cold room (a room his parents made several attempts to heat and make more comfortable) with his brother because he was black. Please, my husband who was the biological son of white parents slept out in the camper when his family got too big for their home, not because he was unfavored but because he was the eldest boy! I think the author needs to get a life! And realize the blessings that he was given. There is a huge orphan crisis in the world. Millions of children are going to bed hungry with no one to kiss them goodnight. Should we allow them to suffer or should we look beyond race or culture and bring them into good homes, in which they will be loved and valued? Which is the bigger sin, to love someone unconditionally who looks different from you or to allow someone to suffer alone because they are different. This author needs to get over his insecurities and look at all the good things that he had in his life, see how others have to live, and thank his lucky stars. I for one, do not feel sorry for him.

I was excited to read this book, but was very dissapointed and personally feel it is way overrated. The language used is supposedly "poetic", but I just found it pretentious and esoteric. More importantly, however, I feel that the author basically took his own experience as an unhappy, isolated child and searching, hyper-sensitive adult (which seemed to me to be more a function of the author's innate personality than the fact that he was transracially adopted... or at least a combination of the two) and used it to negatively represent/unfairly characterize all trans-racial adoption. It seemed to me that this author's emotional difficulties and struggles growing up would have existed even if he had been raised in a same-race home (not that they weren't exacerbated by his racially-based experiences). The impression given by the author is that he speaks for all trans-racially adopted children, and I do not think this is fair or at all accurate. There are of course some things that will apply to others, but his experience, being an unusually intense, emotional child raised in an isolated all-white environment 30 years ago, is completely different from that of a child raised in a more diverse environment in 2008. It would be fine if he simply presented the book as a personal memoir of his own specific experiences in life and left it at that. But that is certainly not the impression the book leaves... and I think it is being presented in some adoption circles as a universal reflection of the experience of any trans-racially adopted child, much to the detriment of today's trans-racial families and waiting children. I hope potential trans-racial adopters will not be so frightened by this one person's experience that they allow themselves to be discouraged from this path. As long as you are prepared to be culturally sensitive to your child, honor his heritage, and commit to making sure there are plenty of same-race role models in his life, trans-racially adopted children can indeed grow up to be healthy and happy and fully attached to their adoptive family. If you are looking for a more balanced view, two much better choices are "The Color of Water" by James McBride or "In Their Own Voices, Transracial Adoptees Tell Their Stories" by Rita Simon and Rhonda Roorda.

First off, the man is a poet. That would explain the "overdone" prose one reviewer complained about. Before you spend your money, know what it ain't - a quick fix, a bulleted list, transracial adoption for dummies, a Dr. Phil-esque summary of the 10 things, 7 habits or 3 secrets you must know before you transracially adopt ...

It is a memoir written by a man who feels very deeply, it is a man showing & sharing emotional & psychic wounds, it is a journey toward wholeness & spiritual healing. If you have never struggled or searched the deep things of your own emotional & psychic trauma, you may not "get" it.

I got it. I loved it. Deep calls unto deep. I recommend this book to anyone with a mind & spirit open to receive it.

This is a review of the revised second edition, which is shorter in length, more polished and better edited than the first edition. Black Baby White Hands is a story true to its intent: to provide the reader with an intense tunnel-vision of the experience of this child (and many children) on the journey of transracial adoption. Unlike many other memoirs, this storytelling remains focused on the thoughts and feelings of the child, rather than diluting that perspective within those of others in his life. It accomplishes a potent display of the intensity with which children experience their thoughts and emotions. The gold here lies not in the fleshing out of various characters, but in the narrative's disciplined faithfulness to the stream-of-consciousness of the child; and to the child's interpretation of the world around him. This makes the book a touching window into the nature of children, parents and families in general. The poetry throughout is frosting on the cake.

I was just speechless. I had no words to really express the impact this book had on me. It was wonderful. I mean really really wonderful.....on so many different levels. I picked up the book with the intent of reading a little before I went to sleep. I read the whole book before I could go to sleep. Jaiya John is a good story teller. That's a rare and precious gift. I went through the full range of emotions while immersed in the book. I could relate to this family: I had no clue what the foster children in our home felt unless they said something. I thought since I felt like I belonged and was loved, any child who lived in that home would automatically feel that way. I was moved by the connection and pride Jaiya related when finally looking into a face that looked like his own.....how we take that for granted. I have always had my dad's face and have been able to look into it. I have always had the sway of my mother's hips when I walk. I won't ever take those `little' things for granted again. I thank Jaiya for sharing his uplifting story.