11 of 14 people found the following review helpful:
1.0 out of 5 stars
Maybe the worst movie ever - but a must see!, March 15, 2004
This review is from: Black Samurai: Agent For Dragon (DVD)
This is singlehandedly the worst movie I've ever seen. Some movies have bad acting. Some have bad direction, bad writing, or just a bad feel. Black Samurai has all of that in spades, and just as icing, bad sound editing, and bad action scenes. Don't waste your time on this movie if you're expecting a martial arts movie on par with.. well, real martial arts movies.
What this movie is, however, is absolutely, although unintentionally hilarious. I laughed so hard my eyes watered up several times. But let's be clear: there are no jokes in Black Samurai. Black Samurai IS the joke, and I think Jim Kelly was in on it.
First of all, the title is horribly misleading. Jim Kelly, while indeed black, is no samurai. There is one scene where Kelly practices with a katana and some nunchucks, but that was apparently just to keep him sharp for later movies; they never appear again.
Secondly, for a government agent, Black Samurai is one evil dude. Even though Kelly is apparently some manner of law-enforcement official, he doesn't arrest anyone. He deals out his own brand of justice: knocking most people out, while selecting a few at random for life-altering injury. In one instance, Kelly chooses a seemingly random opponent and yells THE single most classic line in '70s film: "You never gonna walk again, sucka!", whilst snapping his spine. You cold as ice, BS.
But you don't just have bad titling or random acts of evil to glean cheap laughs from! You still have the veritable treasure trove of laughter that is the sound editing and effects!
First, the punches and kicks for some reason sound just like gunshots. Actual gunshots sound like gunshots too, which sounds confusing, but when you're watching the movie trust me, it'll be the least of your concerns.
Here's the best part: there are entire scenes complete with dialog where nobodys mouths move. Yes, really. No, I'm not making this up. There's a five minute scene where Kelly and an opponent move around sizing each other up. They're talking the whole time, but no mouths move. Maybe they're doing it telepathically. Also, apparently Kelly saw the movie after it was filmed and refused to do the dubbing for his character, hoping the movie would die, because there are several occasions where Kelly is supposed to be talking, but someone else's voice comes out.
This isn't a B Movie. This is more like an H movie. It's WAY down on the chain. I'm buying it anyway! I want to show it to my kids someday when they tell me classics like Ferris Beuller and Spaceballs suck. "...no little Timmy, THIS sucks."
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6 of 7 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
The Greatest Movie Ever Made, November 10, 2005
This review is from: Black Samurai: Agent For Dragon (DVD)
Black Samurai has everything you could ever want in a movie: Karate, Jim Kelly, midgets, poisonous snakes, shag carpeting, babes, a purple sports car, a gay warlock, the sleaziest Argentinian henchman imaginable, bad Seventies fashion, blue eye shadow, guys in 30's Tarzan movie African outfits, voodoo, samurai swords, snappy dialogue, and an amazing story line.
I only wish that Jim Kelly had made more of this level of screen gem. Jim Kelly is the man!!!!!!!
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6 of 7 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars
Lots of fun and some really good Vulture-Fu, October 16, 2001
This review is from: Black Samurai: Agent For Dragon (DVD)
I once again come to write a review on one of my favorites and find out that the DVD version that I own is all cut up!! How did I miss all these greats on VHS?!?!? Anyway, I'm over it... First off this movie has awesome fight scenes, including a great one of Jim Kelly vs a Vulture, and the final fight scene which is dubbed so horribly, you can't even tell who is supposed to be talking sometimes. And it has the BEST jet pack scene ever in a movie. As much as I'm dissapointed that I missed all the of the nudity and Bad Language, I still love this movie very much. And it will always have a special place on my shelf right next to "Nine Deaths of the Ninja" and "Petey Wheatstraw: The Devil's Son-In-Law"
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