Black Women Need Love, Too! is a reality book that details techniques to find and keep the man you want; packed with "how to" rules that work! This manual is the clean version of How To Tame A Dawg.
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17 of 22 people found the following review helpful:
3.0 out of 5 stars
Better as a book on parenting & community activism than dating,
This review is from: Black Women Need Love, Too! (Paperback)
I've spoken with author Pearl Jr. on the phone, and I will be meeting her in person real soon later this month (August 2006).
Overall, she seems like a great, good-hearted young lady with nothing but the best of intentions in her desire to improve dating relationships between Black men and Black women. I am the author of my own book, "Mode One: Let The Women Know What You're REALLY Thinking," so I too have a desire to eliminate some of the obstacles that prevent men and women from achieving their romantic and/or sexual goals and objectives. I won't lie though: Some parts of "Black Women Need Love Too!" I loved, but other parts, I didn't care for too much. I'll first start by highlighting what I DIDN'T LIKE about the book. The book comes across as somewhat "bitter" in its underlying tone, as well as very accusatory towards the male gender. It almost gives you the impression that the author is just sort of "venting" about the men in her past who have left her with hurt feelings and/or a bruised ego. When it comes to criticizing the flaws and weaknesses in male-female relationships, there is no valid way that you can point the finger at one gender over the other. In my opinion, the blame for failed relationships between men and women is 50% men's fault, 50% women's fault. If I were to be `generous', I'd even give relationships a blame ratio of 55-60% men's fault, and 40-45% women's fault. The problem with "Black Women Need Love Too!" is that it makes it seem as though all `bad' relationships between men and women are 80-90% men's fault, and 10-20% women's fault. I don't know if that was the author's specific intention, but that is how I perceived the tone of her book, the contents, and most of her criticisms of Black men's behavior. She also blames the White media, and the subliminal messages that they provide to African-Americans, as another factor in the demise of male-female relationships in the Black Community. (On a sidenote, I personally cannot stand the use of the term "koochie," and Pearl Jr uses this term very liberally) Pearl Jr's book outlines a number of criticisms towards [Black] men who are described as "dawgs" (i.e., men who intentionally, or unintentionally leave women feeling used, hurt, betrayed, and/or manipulated). Pearl Jr's objective is to teach women how to "tame" the "dawg." Reality Check #1: Very few, if any women, are going to be able to "tame" a true "dawg." Not gonna happen. Why? Because there are too many women in society that actually WANT TO experience the romantic and/or sexual companionship of the so-called "dawgs." Men don't accidentally become "dawgs" overnight, just like unknown actors and actresses don't accidentally become "stars" overnight. An actor or an actress doesn't rise to the status of "TV star" or "movie star" simply based on his/her raw acting talents. It is more so the result of HOW APPEALING THEIR AUDIENCE PERCEIVES THEM TO BE. An actor or an actress is someone who can act, and does act. A "star" on the other hand, is simply someone who DRAWS FANS TO THEM. In other words, most men who are popular womanizers are not necessarily men who 'chase' a lot of women. In most instances, it is the OTHER WAY AROUND. Do you think Shemar Moore chases a lot of women, or vice versa? Most men know it's the latter. It's about SUPPLY and DEMAND. Here's my thing, and I told Pearl Jr this in our one phone conversation: There are a lot of "good" men out there. Seriously. There are. The problem is, many women DON'T WANT THOSE MEN. You can debate that if you want to, but it's the truth. Most women (not all, but most) want the guys with the handsome, athletic looks, the magnetic charm, the expensive material possessions/bling-bling, the high-status job, and the irresistible sex appeal. The problem with guys in the latter category is they usually don't attract one or two women. They tend to attract 10, 15, 20+ women at a time. Some men can limit their romantic and/or sexual companionship needs to just one woman. Others, realistically, cannot. Thus, a potential womanizer or 'dawg' is born. (personally, I tend to distinguish between a `player' and a `dog'; a player is a man that is UPFRONT and HONEST about the fact that he's looking for non-monogamous sex rather than monogamous sex; A `dog' or `dawg' is simply a lying womanizer, who tends to mislead women, manipulate women, and/or `trick' them into having sex under the guise that they have emotional feelings for these women, when in reality, they don't) If women don't want to be "dawgged," as Pearl Jr puts it, then they should take the following steps: 1) Don't have sex with a guy that is not your husband, fiancé, or long-time boyfriend. If a guy is really interested in you, and looks at you as potential wife material, he will patiently wait for sex. He will thoroughly enjoy your companionship in non-physical, and non-sexual ways. If all a man wants is a one-night stand, a weekend "fling," or a long-term casual sex relationship, he will not wait for sex. It is really as simple as that. 2) Don't try to turn a guy who has a reputation for being a notorious "dawg" or womanizer into a "nice guy." You're wasting your time. If you genuinely want a 'nice' guy (i.e., a guy who is well-mannered, considerate, and monogamous-minded), there are literally hundreds of Black men out there who already fit the bill. But be realistic: Most of the true "nice guys" are not [usually] going to be quite as handsome, charming, wealthy, and/or as charismatic and popular as the "dawg" types. If they were, more-than-likely, they would cease to be "Mr. Nice Guy" anymore. Remember: SUPPLY and DEMAND. For example, have you ever seen an ugly, obese "golddigger??" Nope. Most women who are effective 'golddiggers' are women who are usually beautiful and sexy. SUPPLY and DEMAND. 3) Don't maintain relationships with men who you know ahead-of-time are married, engaged, or already in a serious relationship. I've seen too many women ... Black, Caucasian, and other races ... make this mistake. They literally believe that they will rise from #2 (or #3) status to #1 status in that man's life and dating totem pole. 99.9% chance, YOU WON'T. Now, my POSITIVE comments: The true gems of wisdom found in this book don't actually come from Pearl Jr's advice on dating, but rather her advice on raising good-natured, obedient kids and her historical references regarding the negative psychological effects of slavery, oppression, and racial prejudice and discrimination. All Black parents, from single mothers to middle-class married couples, need to take steps to keep their children respectful towards others, and well-behaved in public. The current generation of children roughly 13 - 20 is almost out-of-control in their blatant disrespect for others and elders. Good parenting never goes out of style. And all Black men and Black women need to consistently work on improving and maintaining their sense of self-respect and self-esteem in a nation that sends out so many subtle, negative messages about our place and value in this society. But the key thing is: We can't sit around 'whining' about how White people don't treat us right. We have to TAKE CONTROL at improving our OWN PERCEPTIONS OF OURSELVES, and how we want to be perceived by others. I'd give this book 5 stars as a "history" book, a book that encourages community activism among African-Americans, and a "how to raise better children" book, but only one or two stars as an advice book for dating. Any woman ... Black, Caucasian, Asian, Hispanic, or otherwise ... is going to always experience anger, frustration, and bitterness towards men when they continuously try to "change" men, and then subsequently fail. Women's behavior is under THEIR CONTROL, just like a man's behavior is under HIS CONTROL. Women cannot attempt to directly `change' a man's behavior, just like a man cannot attempt to directly `change' a woman's behavior (read Stephen R. Covey's "Seven Habits of Highly Effective People" about concentrating on changing/improving your OWN behavior). Pick the RIGHT MAN in the first place, and you'll never have any regrets.
3 of 3 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Provocative Inspiring Refreshing,
This review is from: Black Women Need Love, Too! (Paperback)
Pearl Jr has done it again! With Black Women Need Love, Too she has firmly established herself as one of the nation's top experts on building and repairing the fractured relationships between black men and women. Pearl gives a no-holds, barred, tough love prescription for the ailments of marital unhappiness, ill health, dysfunctional child rearing, and financial mismanagement among blacks. She warns that far too many black men have abandoned their historic and noble role as tender lover, care giver, nurturer, and family provider. This has done severe damage to the psyches and wellness of countless numbers of black women who need and long for a healthy relationship with a black man. This a refreshing, must read for all black men and women who are looking for the keys to joy, stability and health in their relationships.
Dr. Earl Ofari Hutchinson Author The Crisis in Black and Black The Assassination of the Black Male Image
2 of 2 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
History has shaped our relationships,
By Marshall (Atlanta, Ga., United States) - See all my reviews
This review is from: Black Women Need Love, Too! (Paperback)
They call it a manual for women. It tells women how to deal with
men. But its a lot more than that. It explains how history has shaped our relationships with on another. I'm a man and it has made me look at women in a different light. It will give you a better understanding of how women think. But at the same time it will force you to look at yourself in a more critical manner. Definitely a must read for all. A rare find and an excellent read.
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