Customer Reviews

The Blonde

5 star:		(22)
4 star:		(7)
3 star:		(3)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

...unless you've no plans for the rest of the day.

Trust me - this is about as good as modern pulp crime fiction gets - a frantic, dark, and cynical half day romp through a Philadelphia night that combines the lean, no nonsense tough guy style of the classic masters of crime with a neat pop science fiction twist. This is the bizarre offspring of Raymond Chandler, were he writing for the iPod generation, and Michael Crichton, without the tedious baggage of scientific supporting detail.

Jack Eisley is a Chicago newsman, traveling to Philly to meet his wife's divorce lawyer. Meeting beautiful blonde Kelly Whyte on the flight, Jack succumbs to a drink in the airport bar. And from the "I poisoned your drink" opening line to a satisfyingly twisted climax 226 pages later that will come too soon, this is a rock-`em, sock-`em, in-your-face thriller that will keep you as close to this book as Kelly, you'll learn, needs to keep Jack. Rising above the crowd in this solid cast is Mike Kowalski, an ultra-secret government operative and part time vigilante who, in his spare time, is assassinating the Philadelphia mob, goomba-by-goomba, to settle an old score. Kowalski is a memorable thug, an indestructible, larger than life lethal weapon of a man who'd be comfortable knocking around with Bennie and the biker in Sam Peckinpah's "Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Garcia." And though Swiercynski is not one to allow plot complexities to slow down the not stop mayhem, the players and pieces do eventually come together in a conclusion that if macabre, is satisfying.

Duane Swierczynski is the real deal - a writer who clearly enjoys his craft and practices it with hip, clean prose that is meant to shock and entertain. I thoroughly enjoyed last year's "The Wheelman"; "The Blonde" obliterates any risk of sophomore jinx. Do yourself a favor - get to know Swierczynski and his rocking tales of Philadelphia noir.

Duane Swierczynski has, with the publication of THE BLONDE become one of the new next-gen crime writers I'm watching. He's an editor-in-chief of a major Philadelphia newspaper, so his lean, muscular prose come to him naturally from a daily grind. The imagination is purely his, but it's a new twist on a lot of the old noir-style books and movies that I love so much.

I never know what to expect from his characters. In The Blonde I wasn't even sure who the good guys were until the final pages of the book were sorted out. It was a great ride, and I couldn't stop turning pages once I'd started. I'd read the warnings on the book posted by other writers and reviews, but they really meant it.

His previous release from a mainstream publisher came in 2005. THE WHEELMAN was a blistering read that kept you glued to the story in a merciless grip. See, Swiercynski has this take-no-prisoners mentality that just grabs the reader by the throat on page one, introduces a problem the protagonist has to handle just to survive, then turns the tables on him (and the reader!) before another 15 or 20 pages have gone by.

Reading the twists and turns of his plots is like constantly getting surprised by an opposing boxer's hooks and jabs slipping right through your defenses. No matter how ready you think you are, you keep getting smashed and broken up, and get left wondering how it's all going to shake out.

THE BLONDE has one of the best opening sequences I've seen in a long time. A woman in the Philly airport tells Jack Eisley, the main character, that she's poisoned his drink and he's going to be dead in eight hours. He blows her off, thinking she's just weird. And the reader watches as Jack gives her the slip and walks away. Normally there would be something that would prevent him from doing that.

Not in Swierrcynski's world. He finds a reason to make the protagonist give in and go back to the airport hoping to find the woman, Kelly White. Jack's nausea and vomiting convinces him he has been poisoned, so he returns for the antidote. Only the woman fesses up to him and tells him she actually needs him because she's infested with nanobots that will kill her if she's left alone.

Okay, we've suddenly entered the Twilight Zone as our crime thriller goes into Michael Crichton overdrive.

Then we pick up the next main character. His name is Kowalski. He's an operative for a super-secret government organization. A close reader will remember him from THE WHEELMAN, and I thought it was great that Swierczynski rewards his fans like that. The author's building quite a little violent family out in Philly. But he's not afraid to kill them off, either.

Kowalski has been killing Mafia guys off the clock on his own time as revenge for the death of his girlfriend and their child. That plotline goes back to the previous novel, but it isn't necessary to have read it first. It does add to things, though.

Now Kowalski's been given a new assignment: Find a professor and bring back his head. Kowalski never even flinches at the prospect. It's all business to him. But his business goes south in a hurry as events go awry.

Swierczynski's characters are all interesting people, but I wouldn't want to meet any of them. None of them care for much outside their own skins. But, man, they are an absolute blast to read about.

THE BLOND is a white-hot bullet of a story that hits the reader right between the eyes. Taking place in less than nine hours, the story will leave you breathless with anxiety and brimming with anticipation of what's going to happen next. It's a race to the finish as Swierczynski wheels this high-octane, V-8 thriller for the checkered flag.

You are gonna need sweat bands to read this book!

The Blonde swirls with violence, humor, politics and just plain craziness. Duane Swerve, uh, Swycz, oh hell, let's just call him Duane S., shall we? OK, so it's Swierczynski. I don't want to make him angry, after all, god knows he's capable of some serious revenge. Anyway, he has created an instant classic, a book that SCREAMS (literally and loudly) for Tarentino, Rodriguez, or even Frank Miller to adapt and film.

Swierczynski, at the book's outset, drops us square in the middle of a personal hell belonging to one Jack Eisley, a soon-to-be-divorced journalist from Chicago. You see, poor Jack, who also appears in Swierczynski's previous novel, The Wheelman, had the misfortune to be targeted by a particularly industrious blonde, currently named Kelly White, and she informs him, out of the blue, 1) she's poisoned his drink with a "luminous toxin"; 2) he has but hours to live; 3) he must accompany her for the foreseeable future in order to receive the antidote. If this reminds you of a certain classic noir film...good...you are in the right place.

Because then, Kelly takes Jack on a little tour of his hell, complete with nightmarish blood-borne surveillance devices and scenarios best described as Jim Thompson with a shot of Phil Dick.

If that's not enough (and believe me when I say it isn't), Swierczynski is also developing another narrative, that of Mike Kowalski, sniper/assassin/comedian of unknown affiliation. He might work for Homeland Security, or any other nameless and scary group of law-takers. Doesn't really matter, because, with all his demons, he is immensely likeable. Part of Swierczynski's genius is that he has made Kowalski the hero of the book. Somehow. And if you think this is all just crazy-mad style, get over yourself. He's crafted a serious story around all the outsized action, with an ending as satisfying as they come.

OK, so we have hot girls, self-replicating killer-spy nanomachines, journo-suckers, affable hit-men, double-secret government cadres; are we forgetting anything? OH YEAH, a severed head in a duffle bag!!

Whew!

So whip out the card, mortgage the farm, do what you gotta to, just GET THE BLONDE!! It overflows with noir-y goodness.....

... that government scientists were working on a secret project to create microscopic, self-replicating robots called nanobots that could ... yeah, nanobots, microscopic robots. Just let me finish. These nanobots can thrive in the human bloodstream and when a cute girl scientist gets infected she goes on the run ... well, why can't scientists be cute blondes? Are you sexist? ... Anyway, these nanobots can make the infected person's head explode ... I don't know how, exactly, it's just the way these nanobots work. She meets this guy in a bar at Philadelphia International Airport and poisons his drink. Kinda funny, the first line in the book is "I poisoned your drink." ... Why? Because she's promised him the antidote if he stays within 10 feet of her. ... Because if no one is within 10 feet of her her head will explode. See? She's got the nanobots. Meanwhile, there's this Homeland Security black ops agent named Kowalski ... Why can't black ops guys be Polish? Watch your step, my mom is Polish. ... Anyway, he's after the girl scientist and needs this dead guy's head ... What? Oh, he needs the head because, uh, I forgot ... Oh, and did I mention this black ops guy has a vendetta against Cosa Nostra kingpins. He's murdering them one by one. ... Well, you see, it's because he had this girlfriend ...

I liked this blistering-paced pulp novel, and you will too if you can keep tongue firmly planted in cheek. This is 100 percent calories, 0 percent nutrition. You shouldn't eat it every day, but once in a while is a treat.

I seem to be reading Duane's books backwards. I started with "Severance Package," which is a better book than this one. I want to check out "Wheelman," too. I used to live in Lancaster, Pa., and my ex-wife is from the Germantown neighborhood in Philly. Got to like the city ... but you have to not mind seeing razorwire everywhere.

If you liked this novel and haven't yet introduced yourself to Charlie Huston's Hank Thompson trilogy, starting with "Caught Stealing," you owe it to yourself to take the plunge. Huston's plots move just as fast and are just as violent, but there's more furry animals.

Both these guys need Hollywood contracts, big time.

Four stars because it was a fun, light read. The premise (read Amazon's description) is interesting and the science fiction elements are believable in the setting of this book. Beware, though, if you have a weak stomach!

It seemed to end with a sequel on the horizon, but none yet. I liked it well enough to try another by Swierczynski one of these days.

Very dark humor prevades this well written noir mystery about Jack, a man on his way to his divorce proceedings when he becomes entranced by a bewitching blonde at the airport bar. The blonde is a scientist on the run from a shadowy outfit and she and Jack soon wind up being chased by a demon haunted homeland security agent who carries with him a severed head and truly warped sense of humor. The book proceeds at a furious pace, but doesn't overstay it's welcome. If you enjoy pulp mysteries by the like of Ken Bruen or Richard Stark, this one is for you.

At 9:13 p.m. Jack is flirting with a blonde woman at the Liberties Bar at the Philadelphia International Airport when she calmly informs his that she has just poisoned his drink. This is something that Jack takes with some amusement. Meanwhile in South Philly Mike Kowalski is about to sniper kill another organized crime figure that belongs to the Cosa Nostra, a group that murdured his girl and unborn baby. Mike is interrupted in his hobby, by a phone call from CI-6 informing him that he has an important mission to do. He's to fly to Houston and bring with him a biological sample, in the form of a head of a woman called Kelly White, who is coincidentally a blonde. At the Sheaton Jack is realizing that there very well may have been something to what the blonde has told him as he is now vomiting blood. And so it goes for a while as the story ping-pongs back and forth between Jack's story, and Mike's.

Jack heads back to the airport to find Kelly in the hope of getting an antidote for the poison that Kelly has infected him with. Kelly's Frenching a guy, Mike spots her and Jack, and Jack is waiting for Kelly to finish so that he can get on with his life. This were things start to get complicated as it turns out that Kelly is infected with a nanovirus that will cause her head to explode if she is not kept within ten feet of somebody. Unfortunately, she has now infected Jack in the hope that he will keep her company. Meanwhile the man Kelly was French kissing has had his head blown, and impersonating a cop, Mike is told to sterilize the house and its occupants, including the dead man's wife.

So goes this fast paced action novel as Jack and Kelly gradually realize Mike is hunting them, and Mike always seems just a touch late to catch them. Of course, nothing can be easy, as Mike almost gets one person, but misses the other, Jack and Kelly get separated, we learn how Kelly got infected, and why, and why these people are trying to kill her.

"The Blonde" is a modern noir novel that speeds along like a locomotive on meth as one plot twist after another is introduced, and as Mike becomes a more human figure as this assassin is just getting tired of killing people for his employers and who just wants to get back to his little hobby in Philadelphia. He's never a nice guy, but he DOES become more and more human as his character is filled out some. Jack and Kelly gradually become friendly as neither can be separated from each other for long, and as there is a whole deadly organization after them, they must find a cure for the nanovirus that has infected them

Unlike his later novel "Severance Package", "The Blonde" has a satisfactory wrap-up to the novel, or as good an ending as this paranoid thriller can have.

***Spoilers*** Plus, Swierczynski gives us "Redhead", which is a novella that is a sequel to the "The Blonde" and tells us what happens to Kelly, who's real name is Vanessa by the way, right after the events that happened in "The Blonde". Here Vanessa gets her nanovirus reprogrammed, and Mike decides to take the head of "Vanessa" back to CI-6, the same bunch, I think, behind "Severance Package" and they decide to interrogate Mike to find out what he knows, of course the the head ain't hers, but a "donors". Only Mike has his own plans, and CI-6 won't like them. Swierczynski warns us not to read "Redhead" before "The Blonde" and he's right, don't, but even so, there's room enough in the ending for Swierczynski to give us a sequel to "The Blonde". Man this would make a great movie.

Those three words are the last ones in this roler coaster ride of a book. I won't give away anything of the plot, for that would really spoil the reading entertainment for the next person down the line. What I will say is this book will keep you up late turning pages until its finished, and then you will be left wanting more.

The writng is good, the characters well defined and the action non-stop. Perhaps for some the underlying basis for the plot is unrealistic, but I believe that a reader should just accept the premise the author sets out as of it were actual, and just go along for the ride. There's no reason to question some of the leaps of logic in the book; I enjoyed every one of htem, even if I found many of them preposterous.

When you have a good book written by a writer with talent, just enjoy it! That's how I look at reading, and it works very well. Buy and read this book: you won't be disappointed!

Jack Eisley flies into Philadelphia for an appointment with his wife's divorce attorney. Before leaving the airport, he stops into the bar for a drink. Big mistake. He meets a blonde there who tells him that she's just poisoned his drink and that he'll be dead in 10 hours. What Jack takes for an odd pickup line at first turns out to be far more sinister and he gets sucked into a web of intrigue and violence unlike anything he could have imagined.

The Blonde is generally described as noir in style. You could also call it "hard boiled" fiction but it's not a detective novel, it's more of an adventure/intrigue story. The opening scene sets the tone of witty banter and before long, the violence starts. These two elements pretty well dominate the book throughout, though in a very entertaining way. The characters are serviceable, but not deep, the focus is on wit and action rather than meaning or philosophy. So if you're seeking deep thoughts, look elsewhere but if you want a page turning thrill ride, you could do a lot worse.

I enjoyed this book enough that I will buy another of the author's novels. Still, the ending left me cold as it featured two characters suddenly doing 180 degree turns in their basic conduct and attitudes and acting completely against type. As far as I could tell, this was done solely to wrap the plot up and was very disappointing after such an enjoyable read up to that point. I also found the short story "The Redhead" to be a letdown but the main novel is more than worth the price of admission so it's not a big deal either way. Despite my disappointment in the last 10 pages or so, The Blonde is still a book I'd recommend to anyone looking for a romp of this type.

The inventive fusion of action, suspense, SF, and high espionage elements is what makes THE BLONDE such a unique and sure-fire novel. It's a frantic, full-throttle story written with lean, muscular prose that will magnetize you to the pages and force you to keep reading despite your early morning business meeting, dental appointment, or golf game. Swierczynski is a new master of pop pulp and anyone who tries one of his books is bound to be a fan for life. Can't wait for his next one SEVERANCE PACKAGE to hit the shelves.