Customer Reviews

Blondes Have More Guns [VHS]

5 star:		(1)
4 star:		(5)
3 star:		(0)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(2)

 

 

Wild and wacky sendup of such thrillers as Basic Instinct and Seven. Comedian Michael McGaharn is right on the money as Detective Harry Bates, quick with the one-liners and hot on the trail of a serial killer. In true B-movie fashion, Harry falls for the prime suspect, a mysterious woman named Montana, (Elizabeth Key, blonde and then some). The best part is that none of this is taken with a grain of salt. George Merriweather is the genius behind this project.

This was one of the funniest films I have seen in a long time. There was a joke about every five seconds. The lead actor was hysterical. The pace was a little quick, and the video transfer did seem poor quality, but overall the film was well worth watching.

A beautiful blonde, whose face we don't see, is sitting atop a man, his hands tied to the bed. Sound familiar? Well, instead of an ice pick, she uses a chainsaw, and guess what? From the moment the message "This motion picture has been altered from its original format. It has been dubbed in Swahili", appears on screen, we know how serious this movie is.

The Concord Police Department investigates, with officers Dick Smoker and Harry Bates, the latter who find a clue through a wedding invitation. The blonde getting married is Montana Beaver, though via her marriage to loser architect Lyle Shotz, becomes Montana Beaver-Shotz. The exchange over this bit of info goes like this:

Smoker: It was a lovely ceremony Mrs. Beaver-Shotz.

Montana: Montana, please.

Smoker: It was a lovely Montana, Mrs. Beaver-Shotz.

Montana: The hyphen is silent.

Bates: You shouldn't try to hide it. You should be very proud to still have it on your wedding day.

Hyphen, hymen, get it? This is typical of the dialogue throughout the movie, snappy, play-on-words, but delivered deadpan a la The Naked Gun. Much of the film's strengths rest on that delivery, as well as sight gags.

Bates is very much lacking in the brain department. His former partner Henry took the death of his dog hard and is dressed up in a dog costume, but Harry takes it all in stride. "He was a good cop. Now he's a good pet."

To complicate matters, there's Dakota, Montana's "twin half-sister, once removed", who falls for Harry. She looks really nice when she has her hair like Bonnie Tyler in one scene. Meanwhile, there are a few more killings.

This is mostly a parody of Basic Instinct, down to the "no smoking in the interrogation room scene", but there are pokes at
Indecent Proposal, Silence Of The Lambs (the autopsy scene involving the cadavre "Wait! There's something in his mouth!"), The Three Faces Of Eve, and The Crying Game, as well as plays on verbal references to Rear Window, Dirty Harry and 9-1/2 Weeks. Some of them are caught easily, such as the list of doctors paged over the hospital intercom--"Dr. Quinn, your show has been cancelled." Others are subtle, such as the opening scene at a restaurant, I heard a black man saying off-screen, "Nicole, tell the waiter to get me one of them big a-- steak knives." I about bust a gut laughing.

The sex scene between Harry and Dakota involving pizza is sheer hilarity, with cartoon and animal sound effects, and Dakota has a really nice pair to boot.

... In one scene, Harry, when discussing having rugrats (guess which movie?) says he wants three kids: "If one turns out gay, you can disown him and you won't be left with an only child."

Michael McGaharn is simply funny as Harry Bates, aided by the two luscious blondes, Elizabeth Key (Montana) and Gloria Lusak (Dakota). A very silly movie lacking PC-ness of any kind. It'll leave you with anything but a "7-11 state of mind." Whoever thought Troma could make something so funny?

This is one of the funniest films I have seen in a long time. I literally laughed nonstop until the credits, and even they were funny. This reminds me of the Groove Tube or Kentucky Fried Movie. I can't wait to see what this Merriweather guy does next.

Greetings from Tromaville!

A parody of cop films involves a cop who tries to solve a murder with his traumatized friend who is a policeman that think's he's a dog ("It's a shame, he was a good cop." "Yea, but he's a great dog!"), a woman who has an identical twin step-sister, and many other zany charectors!

If you are a fan of "The Naked Gun", "Hot Shots", or "UHF", you should definetly check out "Blonds Have More Guns"

If you think that Leslie Nielsen makes the worst spoof movies, you haven't seen this. If you like spoofs, go see something mediocre, like Spy Hard, or Wrongfully Accused. Blondes Have More Guns (the horrific pun in the title should tell you enough) is bar none, one of the very worst movies I have ever seen. This film begs to be riffed on by the robots of Mystery Science Theater 3000. But seriously, I doubt even they could do much to make this movie funny. The jokes are painful. I mean, really painful. Even if the jokes were funny, they are, for the majority of the film, iunaudible, due to the horrific sound quality. Spoof movies should not be made at this level, for one reason. Sight gags are not funny if they are invisible. The lighting and cinematography in this movie are some of the worst I have ever seen. I have seen student films better than this. Movies like this convince me that Making a movie is a task that should be handled only by someone with a drop of talent. This film is uninspired, remarkably bad, and, to top it off, very poorly duplicated onto video. The only reason to ever ever see this movie is for the cheesy preview, which is the only reason that this movie gets any stars whatsoever.Very bad.

don't waste your time ..

a blank screen is better then watching this ...

perhaps there should be a minus STAR

A beautiful blonde, whose face we don't see, is sitting atop a man, his hands tied to the bed. Sound familiar? Well, instead of an ice pick, she uses a chainsaw, and guess what? From the moment the message "This motion picture has been altered from its original format. It has been dubbed in Swahili", appears on screen, we know how serious this movie is.

The Concord Police Department investigates, with officers Dick Smoker and Harry Bates, the latter who find a clue through a wedding invitation. The blonde getting married is Montana Beaver, though via her marriage to [] architect Lyle Shotz, becomes Montana Beaver-Shotz. The exchange over this bit of info goes like this:

Smoker: It was a lovely ceremony Mrs. Beaver-Shotz.

Montana: Montana, please.

Smoker: It was a lovely Montana, Mrs. Beaver-Shotz.

Montana: The hyphen is silent.

Bates: You shouldn't try to hide it. You should be very proud to still have it on your wedding day.

Hyphen, hymen, get it? This is typical of the dialogue throughout the movie, snappy, play-on-words, but delivered deadpan a la The Naked Gun. Much of the film's strengths rest on that delivery, as well as sight gags.

Bates is very much lacking in the brain department. His former partner Henry took the death of his dog hard and is dressed up in a dog costume, but Harry takes it all in stride. "He was a good cop. Now he's a good pet."

To complicate matters, there's Dakota, Montana's "twin half-sister, once removed", who falls for Harry. She looks really nice when she has her hair like Bonnie Tyler in one scene. Meanwhile, there are a few more killings.

This is mostly a parody of Basic Instinct, down to the "no smoking in the interrogation scene", but there are pokes at
Indecent Proposal, Silence Of The Lambs (the autopsy scene involving the cadavre "Wait! There's something in his mouth!"), The Three Faces Of Eve, and The Crying Game, as well as plays on verbal references to Rear Window, Dirty Harry and 9-1/2 Weeks. Some of them are caught easily, such as the list of doctors paged over the hospital intercom--"Dr. Quinn, your show has been cancelled." Others are subtle, such as the opening scene at a restaurant, I heard a black man saying off-screen, "Nicole, tell the waiter to get me one of them big a-- steak knives." I about bust a gut laughing.

The sex scene between Harry and Dakota involving pizza is sheer hilarity, with cartoon and animal sound effects, and Dakota has a really nice pair to boot.

Michael McGaharn is simply funny as Harry Bates, aided by the two luscious blondes, Elizabeth Key (Montana) and Gloria Lusak (Dakota). A very silly movie lacking PC-ness of any kind. It'll leave you with anything but a "7-11 state of mind." Whoever thought Troma could make something so funny?