Blood Noir (Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter, Book 16) [Abridged, Audiobook, CD] [Audio CD]

Laurell K. Hamilton (Author), Cynthia Holloway (Reader)

Book Description

Publication Date: May 27, 2008

Jason Schuyler is a werewolf. He’s also one of Anita Blake’s best friends, and sometimes her lover. And right now he needs her – not to be a vampire hunter, or a federal marshal, or a necromancer, or even for her rank in the werewolf pack, but because his father is dying. He needs Anita because she’s a pretty woman who loves him, who can make him look like an everyday guy, who agrees to go home with him and help him say good-bye to the abusive father he never loved. The fact that Jason is about as much an everyday guy as Anita is a pretty woman is something they figure they can keep under wraps for a couple of days in a small town. How hard can that be? Really, by now, Anita Blake should know better. Marmee Noir, ancient mother of all vampires, picks this weekend to make a move. Somehow she has cut the connection that binds Anita and Jean-Claude, leaving Jean-Claude unable to sense what is happening. Dangerous even as she sleeps, buried in darkness for a thousand years somewhere beneath the old country of Europe, Marmee Noir reaches out toward power. She has attacked Anita before, but never like this. In Anita she senses what she needs to make her enemies tremble… “What The Da Vinci Code did for the religious thriller, the Anita Blake series has done for the vampire novel.” – USA Today “[A] wildly popular paranormal series.” – Entertainment Weekly

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

The florid 16th Anita Blake novel (after 2007's The Harlequin) updates Anita's endlessly erotic adventures as a living vampire with many weird lovers. Anita serves her vampire sweetie Jean-Claude, Master of the City of St. Louis, obsessed with feeding him and her own need to leech off of others' sexual pleasure or ardeur while retaining her rep as vampire executioner (despite the seeming conflict of interest), U.S. marshal and necromancer. She's also accompanying her bed-buddy Jason Schuyler to visit his dying estranged father in North Carolina. After arriving, Jason's mistaken for his rich cousin Keith Summerland, who's ditched his bride-to-be to run off with the wife of a vampire Master, giving Anita a case to solve between wild orgies with wereanimals. Hamilton chronicles Anita's escapades with a growing air of ennui, which longtime readers can't help sharing as sex increasingly takes the place of plot and character development. (June)
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved. --This text refers to the Hardcover edition.

Review

Praise for The Harlequin: “Breathtaking.”
—St. Louis Post-Dispatch

“A hardcore guilty pleasure.”
—Times (London)

“Spellbinding and provocative.”
—Best Reviews --This text refers to the Hardcover edition.

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Audio CD
• Publisher: Brilliance Audio on CD; Abridged edition (May 27, 2008)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1597379018
• ISBN-13: 978-1597379014
• Product Dimensions: 8.3 x 5.2 x 1.4 inches
• Shipping Weight: 4 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 2.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (401 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #3,330,180 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Laurell K. Hamilton is the #1 New York Times bestselling author of two series that mix mystery, fantasy, magic, horror and romance. Her Anita Blake: Vampire Hunter novels from Berkley Books began with GUILTY PLEASURES (now a hugely successful graphic novel from Marvel - the first sexy paranormal comic ever!) and continues with the SKIN TRADE, number seventeen in the series, in which Anita's complex personal and professional relationships with a master vampire and an alpha werewolf continue to evolve. There are now more than 6 million copies of Anita in print worldwide, in 16 languages. Hamilton's Ballantine series features Fey princess and private investigator, Merry Gentry and there are now six novels exceeding one million copies in print. Divine Misdemeanors, the eighth in the series will debut Octobe 29, 2009. She lives in St. Louis County Missouri with her husband Jonathon Green, daughter, one pug dog and one boxer/pug dog.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

712 of 779 people found the following review helpful:

1.0 out of 5 stars Bloody bad "Noir", May 27, 2008

By 

E. A Solinas "ea_solinas" (MD USA) - See all my reviews
(VINE VOICE)    (HALL OF FAME REVIEWER)    (TOP 50 REVIEWER)    (REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Blood Noir (Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter, Book 16) (Hardcover)

Imagine the horribly malformed love-child of "Days Of Our Lives," Anne Rice and some really bad Mary Sue fan fiction.

That is the most accurate description I can think of for "Blood Noir," the fifteenth novel in the Anita Blake: Vampire Hunter series. Since it's a rather lame little novella pumped up to novel size, Laurell K. Hamilton spins up artificial drama and endless sexual angst that never really goes anywhere or does anything, but fills up plenty of pages. By the end, you'll be wondering what the point is.

Werewolf stripper Jason drops by Anita's house to whine that his estranged dad is dying, and he's broken up with his girlfriend because she wanted monogamy. Three guesses which is considered more traumatic -- monogamy or cancer.

So Anita comforts him the only way she knows how, and then agrees to pose as his girlfriend so he can prove to his dad that he isn't gay. Apparently his family is more worried about his sexuality than about his being a werewolf. But when they arrive, Anita finds that Jason is one of several look-alike men in his hometown, and one of them is a wealthy engaged stud who is having an affair with the wife of a local Master vampire. This, needless to say, stokes up lots of bad feelings.

It also causes a few personal crises, as Anita finds out that weird tabloid rumors in St. Louis are jeopardizing Jean-Claude's position, and local vampires are gunning for Jason because he looks just like his cousin. Unfortunately this is only the start of her problems, since the ancient vampire matriarch Mother of All Darkness is waking up -- or I should say, STILL waking up after several books -- and causing yet more trouble for Anita.

For your information, "Blood Noir" was originally a novella. But while the page-count has expanded to that of a full-length novel, Laurell K. Hamilton fails to expand the story along with it -- it still has a novella-sized plot, which appears to have been cribbed from the wastepaper basket of a hack TV writer. We've got lookalikes, confusion, family drama, and embarrassing headlines. Even the name of Jason's cousin -- Keith Summerland -- sounds lifted from a soap.

And Hamilton is pretty clearly making it up as she goes along, throwing in plot twists and contrived crises whenever the slow-moving plot starts lagging. Unfortunately she doesn't actually deal with the fallout of these twists -- most of them just putter out and never really get dealt with. Presumably Hamilton either got tired of writing and wanted to wrap up the book, or she didn't want to write any dramatic scenes that don't involve lots of orgasms, bodily fluids and Anita.

While there isn't as much plotless sex as in some of Hamilton's other books, sex is still the sole driving force of "Blood Noir." Breakups, personal crises, metaphysical problems and threats are all handled by Anita's sex'n'powers combo -- and even in the sex-free portions of the book, the characters' sex lives are what propel things onward.

And sadly, those people's sex lives are more ludicrously silly than genuinely sexy. Anita has inexplicably become a tabloid celebrity more famous than A-list starlets, and Keith's fiancee is only able to identify Jason by staring at his penis. I wish I had made this up, but I couldn't.

Anita continues to be a standard Mary Sue self-insert -- she's abrasive as a power sander, smart as a cinder block, adored and feared by all around her, and develops a new supernatural power every time she sneezes. Comically enough, her sex life is apparently the stuff of national interest now, despite the fact that she basically doesn't do anything to warrant anyone's interest except collect vampires and werebeasties for her expansive harem.

Thankfully that harem is rarely glimpsed in this book, and it's soon obvious why this is a good thing. The supposedly suave Jean-Claude has become needy and clingy, the appallingly creepy Nathaniel acts like a pimp, and Jason has been transformed into a self-absorbed slut who treats non-Anita women like sex toys. And Hamilton takes yet another pot-shot at Richard, dragging him into the plot just so Anita can remind us why we are supposed to hate him. Doesn't work.

"Blood Noir" is neither noir nor bloody, and the thin plot is stretched to the breaking point with lots of bad sex, whining, and plot twists that stupefy rather than shock. Truly ghastly -- and not the good way either.

209 of 229 people found the following review helpful:

1.0 out of 5 stars If only I could give this "0 Stars", June 3, 2008

By 

AJ (Houston, TX) - See all my reviews

Amazon Verified Purchase

This review is from: Blood Noir (Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter, Book 16) (Hardcover)

This book is terrible. I mean, truly terrible. It's unoriginal at best, a waste of paper at its most truthful. I may have some spoilers in here, so be warned.

In this particular offering, Anita's "friend" Jason needs her to pose as his girlfriend to visit his dying father so that his "ultra-conservative, white-bread" family won't continue to think that Jason is gay. Jason gets kidnapped due to a sadly predictable plot twist and big bad Anita saves the day. If it sounds like a poorly written soap opera, it gets worse. I won't spoil it for you. In sum, "Noir" is more of the same drivel I've come to expect from Hamilton. Yes, there is less sex. Not much less, though, and the sex hasn't been replaced with plot. Scenes are stretched to their breaking point and beyond, pointless conversations abound, and the sex is thrown in when there is a lull in plot progression. There is very little action. I've been told that this novel was a novella first, and that does explain some of its problems, but certainly not all. This book has the same problems that all but the first 4 Anita books have. Characters are unbelievable, unoriginal, and for the most part, two-dimensional. Anita herself utterly destroys any suspension of disbelief that Hamilton can muster. Anita is a pure example of "Mary Sue-ism" or "Snappy Sue-ism". For an explanation of what I mean, go to [...] and [...]. Anyone who has read any of Hamilton's books will find these articles to ring sadly true for Anita. Anita is a necromancer, a vampire slayer, a Federal marshal, a Lupa (queen of the werewolves), a Bolverk (enforcer for the werewolves), a living succubus with her own animal(s) to call and a "triumverate" (a stupid, stupid word) of power, a human servant, a Nimir-raj (queen of the wereleopards), and in "Noir", she adds little queen of the were-tigers to the already downright silly list. She is also in a poly-amorous relationship with multiple men who are not allowed to be with anyone but her, has sex with them all day long, and still can walk upright enough to do all the occupations listed. Any attractive man that Anita comes across wants, needs, falls madly in love with her and becomes her slave, and all women envy her. Most of the men are strippers. Though each of Anita's men is a supernatural (and very well-endowed) powerhouse, Anita is stronger than all of them combined, and must protect them like a nest of newborn bunnies from all the big bad that inexplicably surrounds Anita. Personal fantasy much? You be the judge.

There is little plot to be had in the Anita Blake series, and what plot there is has been ripped from the pages of other books or White Wolf and Dungeons and Dragons games. The majority of the book is taken up by poorly written sex and useless dialog about sex and/or how wonderful/powerful Anita is. Hamilton once wrote a response to her critics, in which she says that one shouldn't read her books if they didn't want to think, or if they wanted comfort, or didn't want to push the envelope. I find this to be a ridiculous expression of Hamilton's overblown ego. Never have I found the Anita Blake novels thought provoking in any way. (Other than the obvious "Why did I buy this" question I pose to myself over and over) These books are at best fluff. Mindless entertainment.

Anne Rice's earlier vampire novels made me think. They caused me to feel something, to question myself and my beliefs about good and evil. Anne Rice's vampire novels also pushed the envelope. Her "Interview with the Vampire" was the first book to show vampires as more (and less) than monsters, as feeling, thinking beings. Hamilton tries far too hard to push the envelope. She does so by throwing in kinky sex (also done by Anne Rice and Poppy Z. Brite, who wrote a very good if little-read vampire novel), a poorly researched and horribly depicted version of BDSM (which was also done, and I think, very well by Anne Rice in her "Sleeping Beauty" series and "Exit to Eden". Hell, there's even an auburn-haired guy named Richard whose nicknamed "Wolf" in "Exit".), and hints at and gives lip service to, but rarely if ever shows, homosexuality. (Again done first by Anne Rice in a supernatural setting and then to death by other writers). Though she hints at or throws these things into the mix, none of them are done believably or well. Most of her male leads are gay or bisexual, but all of them want Anita and they are never allowed to have sexual contact with one another, as per Anita's rule. Hamilton rails against monogamy in the novels, but only for Anita. All of her lovers must be monogamous with her, or be refused in bed. This even applies to Jean-Claude (a blatant rip-off and amalgamation of Anne Rice's Lestat and Louis), her "master" an incubus who uses sex to feed and from whom Anita got her own "ardure". It rings more than fake, it is utterly ridiculous and cruel. It is hinted at in "Noir" that Anita may deign to allow two of her men to make love, but I will be truly surprised if this happens, or if it does, if it gets more than a paragraph. Hamilton's BDSM is a horror. The BDSM scenes are silly, over the top, or in the case of "Noir", very vanilla and boring. It is written from the view of a vanilla, Mid-Western, suppressed mindset. For all of Hamilton's constant lectures on how open-minded and left-wing she is, the way she writes causes me to believe the exact opposite. In her series, anyone who likes BDSM was abused as a child and either likes to be horribly injured or completely dominated in every aspect of their lives. There is no safe word, no trust, no love. There is only Anita doing whatever she wants to whomever she wants, whenever she wants to do it. As always.

The "ardure" in "Noir" is still an excuse for Anita to have non-consensual sex with everyone and anyone. If the genders were reversed, and Anita was a man with a harem of women, how well received would these books be? Why is rape okay when it happens to men? Of course, in the novels, none of the men mind afterwords because they fall predictably and unbelievably in love with Anita. I find the books to be one giant comfortfest for Anita, and for the writer. Anita's ego is constantly stroked and enlarged by all other characters. If for any reason a character does not believe that the sun does not rise and set on Anita's command, he or she is belittled, reviled, or done away with. All of the male characters (with the exception of Nathaniel) are "powerful men", yet they constantly need Anita to save them. Jean-Claude and Richard got kidnapped, Richard's family got kidnapped, Micah was being threatened, Nathaniel was kidnapped and in "Noir", yet another "strong" man will be kidnapped. Who saves them all? Anita. Believable? No. Comforting and ego enlarging? Yes. Jean-Claude and Richard become more and more whiny, needy, and dependent upon Anita as the books progress, leading me to believe that the author mocking them up to be strong men was for the sole benefit of making Anita look even stronger when she breaks them to her will. There are also very few female characters in the novels so that Anita has no competition. Those that are there are either weaklings whom Anita must kick around and protect,they are jealous bitches who hate Anita because all the men love her so, or they are lesbians who want to have sex with Anita.

Anita seems to be heavily based on Hamilton herself, and the whole series reads like a lonely woman's slightly dark sex fantasy. Almost everything in Anita's background was taken directly from Hamilton's life. I'm not saying that it's wrong for an author to do that, but it ceases to be fiction at some point.

I haven't even bothered to go over all of the inconsistencies in plot, character description, or spelling errors left in Hamilton's finished works. She seriously needs to proof-read and remember what she's written before. If Hamilton can't remember what has happened in previous books, how can she expect the rest of us to? Or to even bother?

I know that most of Hamilton's oldest fans (myself included) want "the old Anita" back. This isn't going to happen. Ever. Hamilton has discovered that she can write an entire book about nothing but sex and how wonderful her main character is and make millions. Why would she ever go back? Research is difficult and time consuming. Plots take time, thought, and originality to come up with. Why not just jot down her own fantasies and cash in? I really think that the only people who still buy these books are A.teenage Goths and bored housewives who get their jollies off the icky were-monster sex, B. die hard fans, or those who had the books recommended to them by A or B. At this point, my expectations are so low that I wouldn't mind the books if all they were was interesting sex, but Hamilton can't even manage that. Don't buy this book. If you must read it, borrow it from the library or read it in the bookstore. If no one buys this crap, maybe, just maybe Hamilton will understand what she's done to what was a promising series and became less that a Mary-Sued Buffy the Vampire slayer fanfic.

104 of 115 people found the following review helpful:

1.0 out of 5 stars No longer disappointed - just a sad farewell, June 19, 2008

By 

Paphian "Paphian" (USA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Blood Noir (Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter, Book 16) (Hardcover)

I used to say that I was disappointed at the turn of the Anita Blake series, but no longer. Now it's time to say goodbye.

I had hoped that with The Harelquin, the sexual revolution that had overthrown what had been a fantastic character and series was coming to an end. I was mistaken. I've been forcing myself to continue to buy this series, but when it's over, it's over.

This book has no plot, no believable dialogue, nor anything of interest. All of its flaws have been outlined well by other reviewers, so I will only add that I would recommend to readers new to the series to begin with book one and end at book eight.

Originally, Anita was a powerhouse character. She had standards and aquired power as the books progressed. I very much enjoyed the developing coldness of Anita, particularly her pragmatic decision to torture someone to get information about Richard's kidnapped family.

Anita still defines herself as a vampire executioner and necromancer. When was the last time she actually executed a vampire? Killing them with "love" doesn't count. What happened to the blood and guts of this series? As for being a necromancer, I couldn't point to the last book in which she raised the dead. Isn't that supposed to be how she earns a living? Did she win the lottery somewhere in the series and I missed it? Every now and then she says something about "my job" or "my boss" and it throws me every time.

Perhaps Ms. Hamilton should consult a necromancer herself in an effort to resurrect her skill as a coherent and exciting story teller.

Ultimately the responsibility for the incredible decline of this series - and of the author's writing - rests solely with the editor and publishing house. When they saw what was happening with the series, they should have suggested - no insisted - that Ms. Hamilton start a new series to explore her sexuality, and let Anita alone. Or end the Anita series entirely.

The only ones to blame that this series continues to be published is us, the fans of the original Anita Blake. If we stopped spending money on these "books," the publisher would stop printing them. It's about the numbers, people, and I for one am not going to be counted for this author anymore.