Customer Reviews

Blood Noir (Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter, Book 16)

5 star:		(58)
4 star:		(45)
3 star:		(63)
2 star:		(62)
1 star:		(173)

 

 

Imagine the horribly malformed love-child of "Days Of Our Lives," Anne Rice and some really bad Mary Sue fan fiction.

That is the most accurate description I can think of for "Blood Noir," the fifteenth novel in the Anita Blake: Vampire Hunter series. Since it's a rather lame little novella pumped up to novel size, Laurell K. Hamilton spins up artificial drama and endless sexual angst that never really goes anywhere or does anything, but fills up plenty of pages. By the end, you'll be wondering what the point is.

Werewolf stripper Jason drops by Anita's house to whine that his estranged dad is dying, and he's broken up with his girlfriend because she wanted monogamy. Three guesses which is considered more traumatic -- monogamy or cancer.

So Anita comforts him the only way she knows how, and then agrees to pose as his girlfriend so he can prove to his dad that he isn't gay. Apparently his family is more worried about his sexuality than about his being a werewolf. But when they arrive, Anita finds that Jason is one of several look-alike men in his hometown, and one of them is a wealthy engaged stud who is having an affair with the wife of a local Master vampire. This, needless to say, stokes up lots of bad feelings.

It also causes a few personal crises, as Anita finds out that weird tabloid rumors in St. Louis are jeopardizing Jean-Claude's position, and local vampires are gunning for Jason because he looks just like his cousin. Unfortunately this is only the start of her problems, since the ancient vampire matriarch Mother of All Darkness is waking up -- or I should say, STILL waking up after several books -- and causing yet more trouble for Anita.

For your information, "Blood Noir" was originally a novella. But while the page-count has expanded to that of a full-length novel, Laurell K. Hamilton fails to expand the story along with it -- it still has a novella-sized plot, which appears to have been cribbed from the wastepaper basket of a hack TV writer. We've got lookalikes, confusion, family drama, and embarrassing headlines. Even the name of Jason's cousin -- Keith Summerland -- sounds lifted from a soap.

And Hamilton is pretty clearly making it up as she goes along, throwing in plot twists and contrived crises whenever the slow-moving plot starts lagging. Unfortunately she doesn't actually deal with the fallout of these twists -- most of them just putter out and never really get dealt with. Presumably Hamilton either got tired of writing and wanted to wrap up the book, or she didn't want to write any dramatic scenes that don't involve lots of orgasms, bodily fluids and Anita.

While there isn't as much plotless sex as in some of Hamilton's other books, sex is still the sole driving force of "Blood Noir." Breakups, personal crises, metaphysical problems and threats are all handled by Anita's sex'n'powers combo -- and even in the sex-free portions of the book, the characters' sex lives are what propel things onward.

And sadly, those people's sex lives are more ludicrously silly than genuinely sexy. Anita has inexplicably become a tabloid celebrity more famous than A-list starlets, and Keith's fiancee is only able to identify Jason by staring at his penis. I wish I had made this up, but I couldn't.

Anita continues to be a standard Mary Sue self-insert -- she's abrasive as a power sander, smart as a cinder block, adored and feared by all around her, and develops a new supernatural power every time she sneezes. Comically enough, her sex life is apparently the stuff of national interest now, despite the fact that she basically doesn't do anything to warrant anyone's interest except collect vampires and werebeasties for her expansive harem.

Thankfully that harem is rarely glimpsed in this book, and it's soon obvious why this is a good thing. The supposedly suave Jean-Claude has become needy and clingy, the appallingly creepy Nathaniel acts like a pimp, and Jason has been transformed into a self-absorbed slut who treats non-Anita women like sex toys. And Hamilton takes yet another pot-shot at Richard, dragging him into the plot just so Anita can remind us why we are supposed to hate him. Doesn't work.

"Blood Noir" is neither noir nor bloody, and the thin plot is stretched to the breaking point with lots of bad sex, whining, and plot twists that stupefy rather than shock. Truly ghastly -- and not the good way either.

This book is terrible. I mean, truly terrible. It's unoriginal at best, a waste of paper at its most truthful. I may have some spoilers in here, so be warned.

In this particular offering, Anita's "friend" Jason needs her to pose as his girlfriend to visit his dying father so that his "ultra-conservative, white-bread" family won't continue to think that Jason is gay. Jason gets kidnapped due to a sadly predictable plot twist and big bad Anita saves the day. If it sounds like a poorly written soap opera, it gets worse. I won't spoil it for you. In sum, "Noir" is more of the same drivel I've come to expect from Hamilton. Yes, there is less sex. Not much less, though, and the sex hasn't been replaced with plot. Scenes are stretched to their breaking point and beyond, pointless conversations abound, and the sex is thrown in when there is a lull in plot progression. There is very little action. I've been told that this novel was a novella first, and that does explain some of its problems, but certainly not all. This book has the same problems that all but the first 4 Anita books have. Characters are unbelievable, unoriginal, and for the most part, two-dimensional. Anita herself utterly destroys any suspension of disbelief that Hamilton can muster. Anita is a pure example of "Mary Sue-ism" or "Snappy Sue-ism". For an explanation of what I mean, go to [...] and [...]. Anyone who has read any of Hamilton's books will find these articles to ring sadly true for Anita. Anita is a necromancer, a vampire slayer, a Federal marshal, a Lupa (queen of the werewolves), a Bolverk (enforcer for the werewolves), a living succubus with her own animal(s) to call and a "triumverate" (a stupid, stupid word) of power, a human servant, a Nimir-raj (queen of the wereleopards), and in "Noir", she adds little queen of the were-tigers to the already downright silly list. She is also in a poly-amorous relationship with multiple men who are not allowed to be with anyone but her, has sex with them all day long, and still can walk upright enough to do all the occupations listed. Any attractive man that Anita comes across wants, needs, falls madly in love with her and becomes her slave, and all women envy her. Most of the men are strippers. Though each of Anita's men is a supernatural (and very well-endowed) powerhouse, Anita is stronger than all of them combined, and must protect them like a nest of newborn bunnies from all the big bad that inexplicably surrounds Anita. Personal fantasy much? You be the judge.

There is little plot to be had in the Anita Blake series, and what plot there is has been ripped from the pages of other books or White Wolf and Dungeons and Dragons games. The majority of the book is taken up by poorly written sex and useless dialog about sex and/or how wonderful/powerful Anita is. Hamilton once wrote a response to her critics, in which she says that one shouldn't read her books if they didn't want to think, or if they wanted comfort, or didn't want to push the envelope. I find this to be a ridiculous expression of Hamilton's overblown ego. Never have I found the Anita Blake novels thought provoking in any way. (Other than the obvious "Why did I buy this" question I pose to myself over and over) These books are at best fluff. Mindless entertainment.

Anne Rice's earlier vampire novels made me think. They caused me to feel something, to question myself and my beliefs about good and evil. Anne Rice's vampire novels also pushed the envelope. Her "Interview with the Vampire" was the first book to show vampires as more (and less) than monsters, as feeling, thinking beings. Hamilton tries far too hard to push the envelope. She does so by throwing in kinky sex (also done by Anne Rice and Poppy Z. Brite, who wrote a very good if little-read vampire novel), a poorly researched and horribly depicted version of BDSM (which was also done, and I think, very well by Anne Rice in her "Sleeping Beauty" series and "Exit to Eden". Hell, there's even an auburn-haired guy named Richard whose nicknamed "Wolf" in "Exit".), and hints at and gives lip service to, but rarely if ever shows, homosexuality. (Again done first by Anne Rice in a supernatural setting and then to death by other writers). Though she hints at or throws these things into the mix, none of them are done believably or well. Most of her male leads are gay or bisexual, but all of them want Anita and they are never allowed to have sexual contact with one another, as per Anita's rule. Hamilton rails against monogamy in the novels, but only for Anita. All of her lovers must be monogamous with her, or be refused in bed. This even applies to Jean-Claude (a blatant rip-off and amalgamation of Anne Rice's Lestat and Louis), her "master" an incubus who uses sex to feed and from whom Anita got her own "ardure". It rings more than fake, it is utterly ridiculous and cruel. It is hinted at in "Noir" that Anita may deign to allow two of her men to make love, but I will be truly surprised if this happens, or if it does, if it gets more than a paragraph. Hamilton's BDSM is a horror. The BDSM scenes are silly, over the top, or in the case of "Noir", very vanilla and boring. It is written from the view of a vanilla, Mid-Western, suppressed mindset. For all of Hamilton's constant lectures on how open-minded and left-wing she is, the way she writes causes me to believe the exact opposite. In her series, anyone who likes BDSM was abused as a child and either likes to be horribly injured or completely dominated in every aspect of their lives. There is no safe word, no trust, no love. There is only Anita doing whatever she wants to whomever she wants, whenever she wants to do it. As always.

The "ardure" in "Noir" is still an excuse for Anita to have non-consensual sex with everyone and anyone. If the genders were reversed, and Anita was a man with a harem of women, how well received would these books be? Why is rape okay when it happens to men? Of course, in the novels, none of the men mind afterwords because they fall predictably and unbelievably in love with Anita. I find the books to be one giant comfortfest for Anita, and for the writer. Anita's ego is constantly stroked and enlarged by all other characters. If for any reason a character does not believe that the sun does not rise and set on Anita's command, he or she is belittled, reviled, or done away with. All of the male characters (with the exception of Nathaniel) are "powerful men", yet they constantly need Anita to save them. Jean-Claude and Richard got kidnapped, Richard's family got kidnapped, Micah was being threatened, Nathaniel was kidnapped and in "Noir", yet another "strong" man will be kidnapped. Who saves them all? Anita. Believable? No. Comforting and ego enlarging? Yes. Jean-Claude and Richard become more and more whiny, needy, and dependent upon Anita as the books progress, leading me to believe that the author mocking them up to be strong men was for the sole benefit of making Anita look even stronger when she breaks them to her will. There are also very few female characters in the novels so that Anita has no competition. Those that are there are either weaklings whom Anita must kick around and protect,they are jealous bitches who hate Anita because all the men love her so, or they are lesbians who want to have sex with Anita.

Anita seems to be heavily based on Hamilton herself, and the whole series reads like a lonely woman's slightly dark sex fantasy. Almost everything in Anita's background was taken directly from Hamilton's life. I'm not saying that it's wrong for an author to do that, but it ceases to be fiction at some point.

I haven't even bothered to go over all of the inconsistencies in plot, character description, or spelling errors left in Hamilton's finished works. She seriously needs to proof-read and remember what she's written before. If Hamilton can't remember what has happened in previous books, how can she expect the rest of us to? Or to even bother?

I know that most of Hamilton's oldest fans (myself included) want "the old Anita" back. This isn't going to happen. Ever. Hamilton has discovered that she can write an entire book about nothing but sex and how wonderful her main character is and make millions. Why would she ever go back? Research is difficult and time consuming. Plots take time, thought, and originality to come up with. Why not just jot down her own fantasies and cash in? I really think that the only people who still buy these books are A.teenage Goths and bored housewives who get their jollies off the icky were-monster sex, B. die hard fans, or those who had the books recommended to them by A or B. At this point, my expectations are so low that I wouldn't mind the books if all they were was interesting sex, but Hamilton can't even manage that. Don't buy this book. If you must read it, borrow it from the library or read it in the bookstore. If no one buys this crap, maybe, just maybe Hamilton will understand what she's done to what was a promising series and became less that a Mary-Sued Buffy the Vampire slayer fanfic.

I used to say that I was disappointed at the turn of the Anita Blake series, but no longer. Now it's time to say goodbye.

I had hoped that with The Harelquin, the sexual revolution that had overthrown what had been a fantastic character and series was coming to an end. I was mistaken. I've been forcing myself to continue to buy this series, but when it's over, it's over.

This book has no plot, no believable dialogue, nor anything of interest. All of its flaws have been outlined well by other reviewers, so I will only add that I would recommend to readers new to the series to begin with book one and end at book eight.

Originally, Anita was a powerhouse character. She had standards and aquired power as the books progressed. I very much enjoyed the developing coldness of Anita, particularly her pragmatic decision to torture someone to get information about Richard's kidnapped family.

Anita still defines herself as a vampire executioner and necromancer. When was the last time she actually executed a vampire? Killing them with "love" doesn't count. What happened to the blood and guts of this series? As for being a necromancer, I couldn't point to the last book in which she raised the dead. Isn't that supposed to be how she earns a living? Did she win the lottery somewhere in the series and I missed it? Every now and then she says something about "my job" or "my boss" and it throws me every time.

Perhaps Ms. Hamilton should consult a necromancer herself in an effort to resurrect her skill as a coherent and exciting story teller.

Ultimately the responsibility for the incredible decline of this series - and of the author's writing - rests solely with the editor and publishing house. When they saw what was happening with the series, they should have suggested - no insisted - that Ms. Hamilton start a new series to explore her sexuality, and let Anita alone. Or end the Anita series entirely.

The only ones to blame that this series continues to be published is us, the fans of the original Anita Blake. If we stopped spending money on these "books," the publisher would stop printing them. It's about the numbers, people, and I for one am not going to be counted for this author anymore.

I am a newcomer to the Anita-verse. A friend had been urging me to give the series a try for years and I kept blowing her off because it didn't sound like my thing. And then the controversy started. And it blew up to such magnificent proportions complete with full-fledged internet flame wars that I knew I couldn't hold myself back any longer and I picked up the first book in this series: Guilty Pleasures.

That was in the spring of 2007. I hadn't been terribly impressed with Guilty Pleasures, but I gave Hamilton the benefit of the doubt because it was the first book in the series and I had to admit that it had been somewhat entertaining. I was as surprised as anyone to discover that by the third book in the series, Circus of the Damned, I was completely hooked and kept trucking right along with the rest of the series.

Keep in mind that the entire time I was reading the series; I already knew what to expect. I'd read the complaints and fan disappointment about Anita, the ardeur and her hodgepodge harem of vampires and wereanimals, so I knew it was coming and took it all with a serious grain of salt when the fluids began to gush and flow.

For that reason, I think those things that have been such a disappointment to so many other readers seemed somewhat blown out of proportion to me. I'd gone into the deal knowing that Anita would eventually change from a prudish workaholic into a craveaholic sex fiend with a penchant for rough play and dirty, dirty bedroom (bathroom, living room, kitchen) recreation so I wasn't shocked when it happened and I tolerated it.

And then I read the most recent installment, Blood Noir. And seriously? I finally get it.

This was one of the most painful books I've ever read. Thankfully I'd opted to NOT purchase this one and had added my name to the waiting list at the library so I only just finished it last night.

First of all, what in the world was up with the first five chapters of this book?!? I don't have a problem with sex in books. I LIKE sex in books. But this sex did not leave me wanting to go into a room alone somewhere and light a candle. This literally had me squirming in discomfort and gasping in horror. The character's conversations about the sex that was soon-to-be-had occurred too early in the book and without enough of an introduction to put it in an appropriate context. I'm assuming the purpose of having a graphic threesome between Anita, Nathaniel and Jason so early on was to establish a "reasonable" premise for Anita to agree to fly to Asheville to meet Jason's abusive, dying father and the rest of the family. Buuuuut...

It flat out DIDN'T do it for me. Sorry Anita. Sorry Laurel. -5 stars straight off the bat for that filthy hogwash.

As the novel progressed, I calmed down and finally felt like I was easing into the swing of things and while I was slightly annoyed by the look-a-like cousin kafuffle that resulted with Keith Summerland and the lack of any concrete reason that there was anything for Anita and Co. to be truly concerned about, I felt myself thinking, "okay, maybe there are 3 stars in here somewhere, if only Hamilton would just remember her plot and not let the--"

Ok, forget it. Because suddenly the bachelorette party happened and someone flashed their "cookies." And then the 48-hour-long foursome that involved Anita, Jason, a strange stripper and a news reporter happened. And then Marmee Noir hallucinations and Richard (!) randomly showed up. And all of a sudden I was like HOLD UP! There aren't that many pages left in this book and literally nothing has happened except some crazy hotel sexin' that has taken up the entire middle and most of the end of this book!

And then all of a sudden, the poor, underdeveloped plot attempted to take off in what was probably supposed to be an Anita Blake "action sequence" but it was so horribly rushed that it felt like a cop out. And you know what? The "action sequence" and plot resolution took up fewer chapters than the nasty threesome scene from the beginning of the book. Seemingly out of nowhere, we're told (not shown) that Keith Summerland has run off with a Master of the City's wife, another vampire named Lorna. And that because Jason looks so similar to his cousin, the Master's human servant and vampire pawns can't tell the difference and abduct Jason instead of their real target, Keith Summerland. Jason is tortured. Anita saves him. The end.

The moral of the story is that 1) you can color me disappointed but 2) I'm probably not going to stop reading the series. I'll continue to rely on my local library for the goods (so sorry amazon) because I don't want these books on my bookshelf but I feel like I've already invested so much into this that I must see it through right on through to the sloppy end.

For real...I'm done now. I'm not saying I won't not read her books, but I am saying I am done giving her money for them. Library anyone!!! I see her face on the back cover and realize that she is getting richer and richer as she writes giant piles of crap. `Blood Noir' is yet another of these.

First off...skip the first 4 chapters. Jason is sad...Nathanial decides Anita having sex with him will help and it did! I swear Anita could create world peace by spreading her legs. All of this is completely unnecessary and really pretty lame unless you like faux S&Mness.

Later on there is a lot of talking about sex and relationships...yawn yawn yawn. More talking blah blah blah. The mother of all darkness shows up and Anita sees her beasts in Technicolor, which means she needs to sleep with as many were animals as is possible, which she does...for days believe it or not. Luck for us Laurell decided we didn't need to read ever lurid detail...YEAH!!!

On the positive note Anita kills some people and Jason gets tortured. 10 good pages weren't enough to save a book.

I am done with this author and the Anita Blake series. I'm not sure if LKH just doesn't care anymore, churning out the books for the money, or if she has just lost the ability to write. If it's the former, she should be ashamed, the latter she should kill off the series.

If you want to read a series that is wonderfully written, go buy Jim Butcher's Harry Dresden books, or any of the Charlaine Harris series.

I will never waste another penny on anything LKH puts to paper.

Anita Blake, federal marshal and vampire executioner, does a big favor for her friend and lover Jason -- she will pose as his girlfriend to visit his family. His father, who abused him as a child and has always thought he was homosexual, is dying of cancer, and Jason wants to take this opportunity not only to say goodbye to the old man but to hopefully let bygones be bygones. Anita isn't sure about accepting, but Nathaniel convinces her to do so. It should be easy enough, and it means that Anita will get to put away her Browning because this trip won't involve any sort of preternatural drama or danger, right? Wrong. First of all, Anita never leaves her house unarmed. Second of all, disaster strikes as soon as she and Jason arrive in Asheville. Jason looks a lot like Keith Summerson, the governor's son, a local celebrity known for his womanizing and scandalous endeavors. Jason looks so much like him that he had been confused for Keith. Keith is engaged to be married, so imagine the scandal when "Keith" shows up with a woman who is clearly not his fiancée. Keith's father is planning to run for president, so a scandal is out of the question. But that is the least of their problems. The press learns that Jason is the werewolf stripper from Guilty Pleasures, and Jean-Claude's pomme de sang. Rumors begin that Anita has dumped the vampire Master of the City for Jason, something that could make Jean-Claude seem like a weakling to other Masters of the City. And then the worst happens. Marmee Noir has chosen this moment to rear her ugly head. It appears that Anita needs her Browning after all.

Blood Noir was very boring for me. It was a chore to read. During the first half of the book, you get all the stuff with the press and Jason's family, some of which is interesting, but sorely lacking in action. What you get for the most part is dialogue -- endless dialogue about family problems and Jason wanting to be closer to Anita. In other words, you get the same ol', same ol'. I like some balance between telling and showing, and too much showing with little narrative can be just as jarring as the other way around. Sometimes it felt as though I was reading a film script. As for the Jason-themed installment, perhaps this character development would have been appreciated eight or so books ago, but now it is too little, too late. All we get from that is that Jason is now included in the long string of weak, clingy and whiny men in Anita's circle. "Why don't you love me the way you love Micah and Nathaniel?" Or words to that effect. Blech! The old Jason would have never stooped so low. And of course, he has a dysfunctional family and yet another victim of abuse. Fancy that. There are fewer sex scenes here, thank goodness. You get the very first sex scene (a rather dull threesome between Jason, Anita and Nathaniel) in chapter two and ends in chapter four. (It may sound like a lot, but most of the chapters are about three to five pages long.) Again, it's not that I don't enjoy sex in my reading. I do, but the sex here is so friggin' clinical! I mean, Anita, Nathaniel and Jason (who breaks up with Perdy) discuss where they want to do it, for crying out loud! And the commentary! It reminded me of a visit to the doctor. "Now I will take your blood pressure," and "Now I need a urine sample," only in sex talk. Eew! But why am I surprised? I've had this problem since Hamilton decided to write "erotica." (Hamilton does manage to come out with some cool and original titles for her books. I must congratulate her on that. If only the stories lived up to their titles...)

Another thing that leaves me scratching my head is Anita constantly blushing at something Jason says. When did she become such a big blusher? For a second I thought I was reading a romance novel. And I can't believe she still feels "uncomfortable" about the ardeur and her sexuality. When are we going to move on from that? Also, what happened to some of the newer, interesting characters like Wicked and Truth? Have they been written off or something? Anyway, I do like the fact that Anita seems to be more open to letting Jean-Claude and the others be with others and feels bad about undermining his authority in front of the other vampires. (Then again, JC is supposed to be this badass, dangerous vampire, or at least he once was!) Jean-Claude's openness, however, is seen as "revolutionary," which brings some story ideas for future installments. But I don't think I'll be around to read them. The Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter novels are no longer what they once were, simple as that. I thought a novel centered on Jason, one of my favorite characters, would be interesting, but unfortunately it is not. I think this will be my last Anita Blake book. They may get better or they may not, but I cannot muster the hope or interest to care either way.

Well I loved these books, even when the sex started getting steamier. They are ok now, biggest complaint is lack of mystery. This one takes the cake in that department. There were so many chances to make this an interesting book, from the mystery surrounding the Summerlands, to the resolution at the end with the mysterious vampire and wife duo. But practically none of it was on screen. It was all "Oh well- that was taken care of" in vague terms, leaving just one 'action' (non sex type) scene in the entire book. I finished with the Meh? feeling that I really dislike from a book. The feeling that says, where was the character development? Where was the plot advancement? What was the mystery? Was there a mystery? What powers did she use/acquire?

Basically, the answer is meh.

I got my hands on an advance copy from a friend. All I can say is this: What the hell has Laura K. Hamilton done to this series? I have been an Anita Blake fan for years now. I own the entire series. I enjoyed the Strong Independent Female character. What she has become in the last several books is a travesty. I'm not a prude and sex is great-but it has it's place. I don't get off on repeated, meaningless, badly construed orgies with EVERY Tom, Dick and Harry. It's become tiring and lethargic to read this crap and I think this is where the series ends for me. Hamilton should take a lesson from the Sookie Stackhouse novels, that have actually gotten better with each book and feature a lead who sleeps with ONE guy at a time. Like most of us who don't charge for it. Let's hope she doesn't screw up the Merry Gentry series too.

I haven't bought one of her books since Obsidian Butterfly but I keep checking them out from the library hoping........

Forget it. LKH just can't write a decent Anita Blake book anymore. Makes me wonder if she really wrote the first ones. How can a person's writing change this much? How can the person who wrote the first ten books write the drek that is Blood Noir? She breaks the cardinal rule of writing: Show, don't tell. There is no showing, there is just talk and talk and talk and then guess what? More talk. I couldn't even get worked up about the uninteresting sex, I was too bored to care. I didin't care about Jason's look-a-like cousin or any part of that plot. When finally something interesting happened and The Big Bad takes them over the scene quickly fades to black and LHK TELLS us what happened. She was supposed to SHOW us what happened, instead everyone wakes up two days later and Richard comes riding in to explain what happened. Yak, yak, yak, I was bored to tears by the whole book.

And the absolute worst thing is? I used to go back and reread the early novels with great enjoyment. Now I am so disgusted by LKH, her overexposed personal life, and her horrible writing that it has ruined my enjoyment of the early books I used to love. I can't stop thinking about the real Laurell and all the stupid things that come out of her mouth. I've learned a valuable lesson. When an author has a mid-life crises and marries a boychild, thereby thinking she is the first person to discover sex, you can be given way too much information. The bizarro personality of Laurell herself has eclipsed Anita Blake. Her career path is truly the weirdest thing I have ever seen.

I keep wondering when she will ruin the Merry series. Soon, I imagine. This is worse than when Anne Rice completely lost touch with her early talent. LKH keeps churning them out, each one worse than the last. I can't believe they get printed. If she had started with these books she never would have gotten published. How long can she ride the coattails of that first dozen or so books?