The strength of this otherwise unfortunate movie is Udo Kier's sterling portrayal of Count Dracula. Envision, if you will, Count Dracula sitting lethargically before a baroque vanity mirror, generously painting black dye over his hoary white hair with a brush large enough to swipe a gutter. This chilling, haunting, otherworldly scene sets the tone for all that follows. Faced with doom and obscurity, Dracula must leave his moribund abode and embark on a secret quest to secure the wirgin blood required to maintain his eternal existence. He must lamentably say farewell to his sister, and then board the family car with chauffeur/evil toady Anton for a lengthy road trip.
Operation: 'Wirgin Blood' has now begun.
Eventually Dracula is directed to a large estate, where an aged farmer has in his care a whole stable of absolutely hideous daughters. (It should be mentioned that this film's continuity is backwards or inverted, not unlike that of the Crime Syndicate of Amerika; e.g.: hideous daughters are super-hot; Count Dracula, Prince of Darkness, is powerless; the movie's hero is a lowlife Communist/rapist.) The father invites Dracula into his once-lavish home, and proudly confirms the fact that all of his daughters are in fact good, wholesome, corn-fed wirgins. Count Dracula begins to stalk his prey one by one...
How does the 'Udo Kier' Dracula differ from the conceptual Dracula?
(A) 'Udo' Dracula not only lacks superhuman strength and reflexes, but lacks even the vigor required to fight a frail wine-addled captive wirgin into submission.
(B) 'Udo' Dracula has no demonic powers such as augmented senses, shapeshifting or unnatural magnetism; quite in fact the wirgins are repulsed by 'Udo' Dracula and they mock him behind his back.
(C) 'Udo' Dracula not only lacks a vampire's powers, but is also vulnerable to any ordinary attack or weapon. You could kill 'Udo' Dracula with a compass, a tire iron, or even a stale loaf of bread if you pummeled him enough times.
When Dracula fails in seducing trying to seduce the wirgins, he changes tactics and tries to overpower them physically. Eventually, one of the daughters contemptuously submits to him, and only after biting her and drinking her blood does the horrified Dracula realize that the girl's wirgin blood is NOT in fact wirgin blood! Dracula is forced to vomit the blood into the bathtub, heaving and gurgling as he indiscriminately curses the rodent-like Anton.
Enter the hero: a decidedly non-Van Helsing-like stable boy---a slouching, foul-mouthed, malingering lowlife who balances his time between assaulting the farmer's daughters and spewing pseudo-Communistic rhetoric. Operation: 'Wirgin Blood' is now compromised! Anton self-servingly betrays Dracula in an effort to save himself, and is killed. Ultimately Dracula fails in his quest and is attacked by the stable boy, the latter being armed with an old-fashioned wood axe. The stable boy begins chopping Dracula apart, limb by limb, while the Dracula runs like the wind, a hobbled armless creature with his evil cape streaming behind him. In the end, the stable boy whittles Dracula down to a head and torso.
Defiantly, the defeated Dracula enigmatically exclaims: "You fool, you can't kill me! I'm not one of you!" Form your own conclusion.
Short of the epic thriller Expose, aka The House on Straw Hill, this is probably the most enjoyable of the Udo Movies. Look for the upcoming sequel, Operation: Wirgin Blood vs. Plan 9 From Outer Space.
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