Customer Reviews

Body Language Secrets: A Guide During Courtship & Dating

5 star:		(92)
4 star:		(26)
3 star:		(8)
2 star:		(10)
1 star:		(16)

 

 

Why is it that most people trash body language books, yet fail to realize there are many truths? My impression is that we don't want to admit that tens of thousands of years of biology are still controlling part of our reactions so we try to distance ourselves from the body language spectacle.

Anyway, here's some points you will pick up from this book:

(1) Learn to read the body langauge of a woman before approaching her. Don't go where you aren't appreciated, in other words; (2) Several subtle, and not so subtle, clues as to whether she's interested in you . .. from eyes to feet to preening; (3) understanding anthropology; why men and women pick certain traits; (4) signs that she isn't interested; (5) looking for clusters; (6) becoming more aware; and (7) how to make yourself more attractive through body language.

The Pros:
- Good layout
Sections are appropriately titled and information in each section is relevant (for the most part). Headlines make specific points easy to find, and most ideas are then clearly explained under sub-headings.
- (On that note) Clear explanations of ideas. I would imagine that even a high schooler shouldn't have too much trouble understanding the ideas and the language used.
- A good quick reference for people who already have an understanding of non-verbal communication and gives a little more depth to some of the reasoning behind some actions.
- Pictures demonstrate many ideas (also a con - see below)

The Cons:
- Anyone with even a moderate understanding of non-verbal communication or anyone who has read a book on communication in relationships will find 99% of the information useless.
- When taken for just the parts covered in the appendix, the book is a great reference, however his actual content is awful. He goes on and on throughout the book about "Rapo" (Rape-O) women and "Cavalier" men, which has very little point.
- More time is spent explaining that some men are "dogs" and some women are "teases" than is spent on actual "body language secrets".
- A large part of the book does not even pretend to discuss body language. Chapters include,"Meeting Ms Or Mr Right", "Courtship Tactics For Women", and "On Not Being Too Nice". Interestingly enough, because of the lack of compelling content on the actual body language side, I personally found these areas the most useful.
- His analysis like the idea that a man is being insincere if his feet are not firmly planted when talking to you does not take into account problems like how a short or tall man might not be able to plant their feet because the size of a chair may be wrong (for example).
- The pictures are all of the author and his wife. Many pictures do not very clearly demonstrate the point the author is trying to make.

My Analysis:
Spend a little more money and get a good textbook on non-verbal communication.

Much of this book is very similiar to Steele's How to Date Young Women series. There are better and lower priced body language books out there without Steele's dating observations of varying quality included as filler. If this book were strictly about body language it would only be about 50 pages in length. Like his other works, which are self-published as is this, editing and writing are crude. Steele has some dating and relationship observations that are continuously recycled in his writings. And remember, he's twice divorced.

It delivers a lot, too...but not all that it promises.

Mostmen will buy this book for the same reason I did, in the hope that itwill explain how to get girls to like you without risk of emotional injury. Steele ropes us in by telling us how easy it will be, how the fear of rejection is something we can kiss goodbye forever. Then he begins to steadily backpedal towards the truth: that whether one reads this book or not, the courtship game is learned primarily through trial and error. We may have to accept that no book will ever save us from the necessity of putting our egos on the line.

Steele's advice on interpreting body signals is pretty damn accurate. But the book lacks the concrete advice he initially promises regarding how to respond to such signals, how to safely assert yourself with women without being too aggressive, how to be charming without becoming overbearing. You can't blame him for not being able to provide such knowledge, since it's something for which each individual has to develop an aptitude. But you can blame Steele for promising to provide it in the first place.

Still, this book is a lot more entertaining than most dry body-language books. The information is dispensed in language that anyone on the common side of George Plimpton can understand and use. There's no less of that information than in other books. The photos, grainy as they are, will immediately strike chords with the reader. After reading this book, go out to a restaurant, bookstore or bar and look for signals given by the patrons to eachother. It's fascinating, and soon you'll be looking for signals everywhere you go.

Steele's far-from-PC approach to the subject is endearing to any bitter, frustrated soul unable to decipher the opposite sex. But in combination with the dreadful writing and editing in this book, Steele gradually sounds more like a high school football coach...the last person you'd go to for advice on reeling in the chicks. Some serious cleanup work is in order.

In summary, I'm confused by this book. The information dispensed seems to work for me, but I don't see how it worked for Steele. I'm missing something. This is a great book on how not to lose with women. It does not answer the unanswerable question of how to win with them.

it may not be that common.

Not that I am being demanding or exceptionally critical, however, the author himself did admit that people nowadays had become so sophisticated that he or she could manipulate his/her own body language that the real meaning behind many of the movements/gestures discussed in the book should be judged by the readers themselves. If that's the case, what's the value of this book then? The content of it is just too simple, if not sometimes naive. I am sorry that I had made a mistake for buying and reading this book.

For those who want to study about body language, "Never be lied to again by David J. Lieberman" is a much better choice. For those who want to improve their knowledge on courtship and dating, "How to make anyone fall in love with you by Leil Lowndes" will satisfy you well.

OK, people, here's some advice before you think about buying this book. Don't just look at all the 4 and 5 star customer reviews - rank the customer review list from Lowest Rank First and read all the 1 star reviews as well. That way you can REALLY get a broader sense of what you might be getting yourself into. Sure, in both the high reviews and the low reviews there's just basic no-brainer reviews - "it's great!!" or "its sucks!!" But amongst all the one star reviews I discovered some smart punters whom i SHOULD have read before buying the damn book myself. Yup, i bought this monstrous piece of rubbish and after going back and reading all the low reviews I realise that some reviewers had duly warned me. This book is TERRIBLE. It gives only the scantiest of basics on body language, stereotypical stuff which any schmuck with less than half a brain could write. And the photos - MY GOD! Its Mr Steele with his wife and their friends, posing away in their garish shirts and shorts...these are some of the ugliest photos to be used for "flirting" and "body language" I've ever ever seen. And in his blurb photo at the front of the book he's standing there shirtless revealing his copiously hairy chest - there's something about seeing the author of a book posing like this that I find highly disturbing. Yucko. As others have said, if i could give this book a zero star rating, I would. Avoid, everyone, avoid like the plague.

This is the kind of book that we all wish we had read and understood at one time or another. But, until this book came along, no book on the complex interchange of gestures and body postures and eye movements in social male/female encounters existed. The lucky few men who innately understand this stuff got all the best dates in school and beyond. This book is for the rest of us. You spot an attractive woman in a bookstore and your eyes meet for a moment and then she lowers her eyes and looks at the floor. What does it mean? It's in the book. Or you are talking with someone of the opposite sex but they are crossing their arms and constantly touching their face. It's in the book. Which of the above scenarios is favorable to the outcome of the enounter, and why?? It's in the book. The author encapsulates years of experience in interpreting social interactions. This is no quickie seduction nonsense book. Again and again the reader will consider Steele's take on the numerous social encounters considered and flashes of insight will occur as the reader recalls similar situations from his or her past experience. The ultimate conclusion I got from this book is that the art of dealing with people in social situations is a skill to be learned, like swimming. It can be done well or poorly but this is the only book I've seen that provides some cues and some scripts for the unspoken language that passes daily between people who seek contact with others.

The first 37 pages or so were informative as far as the body language goes, and that's pretty much why I bought the book. But then the author gets a little out of hand with his "how to pick up women" tips.
His idea of going to party with a camera as an easy way to meet people is a little strange. Then he goes on with a list of "no no's" telling men not to buy Jeeps, have facial hair, nice wheels on their cars and stuff like that. This guy totally think's he's the sh** when it comes to women. Whatever, man.
The best part, that still makes me laugh, is that he has this list of cool guy no no's but as soon as you open the book there's a picture of him with his shirt off exposing a huge harry porno chest with his arm around his, uh, wife. Classic. That's almost worth the price of the book, just to show your friends that picture and tell them "this guy is telling me how to meet women."
I would have prefered less frat boy garbage (I mean really, do I need some harry dude telling me what to say and wear?), but still, the first few pages are pretty informative. Just don't take his other rantings seriously.

Don Steele has written a very concise and readable manual of non-verbal communications, particularly of interest for singles. Many of us "older-but-wiser" types wish we could have read something similar 20 years ago, when the "non-verbal signals of interest" were flying our way, and we sadly missed, ignored, or simply misunderstood what was being said "without words." While unhappily we can't go back and relive our misspent youth, the author gives enough useful information for deciphering the signals of female interest (open posture, sidelong glance, preening, palm showing) that even the densest aspiring Don Juan should be able to figure out whether he is gaining or losing as he seeks to attract a woman's attentions. Similarly, there are chapters for women to gage a man's sincerity (via handshake, noticing exaggerated non-verbal gestures of sincerity or verbal reassurances of honesty).Other aspects of the book concentrate on the evolutionary biology of courtship, and many of the "body language" tips are useful in any type of negotiation, whether in romance or business. The book is well illustrated with photos, is easy to read, and reasonably priced.

It is hard to get past the arrogance and chauvanism of this author. He spends the majority of his introduction apologizing about how he is being unfairly accused of insensitivity to women. I am sure that is why this caring, gender-sensitive person names his self-publishing company "Steel Balls Press".

Still, the content squares with what other authorities in the field have to say. This is no pre-adolescent "How to get girls" formula. His insights are quite, well, insightful. And authoritive.

On the lighter side, I got quite a charge out of his (hardly scientific)speculation on DNA-through-the-generations in his introduction. Like the old saw about a chicken being an egg's way of making another egg. -- but I digress...

If you can withhold judgement on the author's personality and pay attention to the both the concepts and the kinestic (body language)applications he shares, this book is worth the coins. But be prepared to grit your teeth while you read.