Customer Reviews

Bold Love

5 star:		(22)
4 star:		(4)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(1)

 

 

Most of the first 100 pages were very slow plowing with some difficulty in accepting certain parts of the premise and groundwork. They turn out to be helpful in establishing those precepts for the last 200 plus pages which were pure pith and wore out a highlighter. This is not a be-all, end-all resolution. It is, however, a vital portion of any Christians toolbox. Knowing the enemy and approaches to deal with various aspects are essential tools. Not a fill-in-the-blank recipe, but a thought provoking knowledge base to allow God to use the talents He has given you for you to be more effective in doing battle with the enemy.

NOT for those who want to stay on milk!

I saw Dan Allender speak at one of Willow Creek Church's conferences in 2005. God has gifted him well - Dan is an excellent teacher. I love his style, so I bought this book.

I bought this book months before I started reading it. I had prayed for help in loving people - something I was struggling with.

I bought it because of a few of the things it says on the cover - "Know the difference between loving an evil person, a fool, and a normal sinner; How to love an abusive person without opening yourself up to more damage." I experienced this as one of those books I would want to take my time with, drink in slowly - one of those books that would teach wisdom as well as point out areas in my own life on which I needed to work.

Be warned, Dan doesn't pull his punches - truth, as any good discipline, does not always feel good. This book will convict you where you need it.

Dan writes/speaks with an honesty, humility, beauty and passion that I haven't experienced in many other books of this type. He speaks from experience, with a wisdom that can only be gained from that school of hard knocks, as well as a passion to share the truth and beauty of the Gospel. The book is everything I hoped it would be.

This book after CS Lewis' "Mere Christianity" and JI Packer's "Knowing God" has been the most influential book for me outside of the Bible. Lewis's book gave me a reason to have faith. Packer's book gave meat to my faith. "Bold Love" revolutionized the way I love, live, and forgive. It cuts to the heart and challenges the deep seated sinful motivations. It is real and authentic in that it deals with life as it is - with all its ugliness and sin. It has deepened my understanding of how much God really loves me and how much grace has truly been shown me. One reviewer found this book wordy, which I can see why, but in my eyes "Bold Love" is beautifully eloquent and communicates God to us in a fresh new way. The same reviewer also found the theology of the book poor which I have to disagree with strongly. It is thoroughly solid book theologically and the positive testimonies of many well-known and diverse Christian authors attests to that. I recommend this book with no reservations whatsoever!

What does it mean to "honor" a wicked parent? How do you love an abusive person without opening yourself up to more damage? What happens when you can't forgive and forget?

With a few exceptions, I generally write reviews of books I like which means I'm somewhat biasing the overall Amazon rankings. But let me say that of all the books I like or love, none has influenced my life more than Dan Allender's Bold Love. I say life because it has impacted so many areas from my relationships to my politics to my theology to my marriage. The book is about what it really means to love someone, anyone from the love of your life to an abuser to your greatest enemy. The crux of the message is that love is not forgive and forget attitude but rather one that admits the pain and hurt that has been caused and confronts it. But the purpose of the confrontation is really the key to the book. The purpose is not to cover your bases or get it off your chest to enable to move on and have closure. What was revolutionary to me at the time of reading was that it pointed me back to the object of love, the other. It solidified the fact that evil committed against you must be admitted and the accuser must be confronted. This is difficult and thus the "Bold" in the title. But the underlying belief is that no person is beyond saving. No person is beyond to hope of reconciliation.

The authors are Christians. Dan Allender is a counselor with many years of experience. Tremper Longman is a top-notch Old Testament Scholar who writes one of the chapters in the book himself and assists in writing the rest. Why bring an Bible scholar into a discussion of interpersonal relationships? Because their model for reconciliation is God's reconciliation with man. The sin that man commits against God did not disqualify us from being loved, it just made the task more bold. First of all, God calls a spade a spade. He does not deny the sin committed or the gravity of the consequences. He does not just forgive and look the other way. Rather, Jesus, or better to use the name Emmanuel in this context, dove right into the mess and sought after those who had abused God through their disobedience. He never gave up. He was tenacious always believing that reconciliation was possible. He interceded for his killers saying, "Father, forgive them."

The argument is that this should be our impetus for boldly going after those who have sexually, physically, verbally, or mentally abused us, whether fathers or mothers or former friends or outright enemies. God did not give up on creation. He sought after it at great expense to himself. This is what it means to love. This is what it means to love your enemies. The importance that the book places on admitting the evil that was done along with the hope that no one is beyond the reach of reconciliation is what has impacted my mind so much in so many different areas.

If you're interested in this topic in general I also recommend the following:

Exclusion and Embrace by Miroslav Volf - Award-winning book I've seen recommend by theologians/biblical scholars. (Author is a Christian theologian)
The End of Memory by Miroslav Volf - The latest offering from Volf and has been receiving rave reviews. (Same as above)
I and Thou by Martin Buber - Becoming somewhat of a modern day classic on the subject and I've also seen this recommended in theological circles. (Author is a Jewish philosopher)

Here is a summary outline of Bold Love which follows a wartime motif:

Section 1: The Battlefield of the Heart
This is the most theologically oriented section as it introduces the problem and describes the motivation to love based on what God has done.

Section 2: Strategy for the War of Love
This section is the meat of the book as it describes the steps toward reconciliation. First there is a passionate hope and hunger for restoration. Second, we mercifully revoke revenge and as we are reminded of our brokenness and how God hoped and hungered for restoration with us. Third, introduces us to the art of confronting the enemy.

Section 3: Combat for the Soul
This section takes the principals in the first two parts of the book and applies them practically to three different types of people who may have caused hurt in our lives. First, there is a chapter on loving an evil person, subtitled Siege Warfare. Specifically this is about sexual, physical, verbal, or mental abusers. Second, there is a chapter on loving a fool, subtitled Guerrilla Warfare. This is about people who carelessly cause great damage to another's soul. Third, there is a chapter on loving a normal sinner, subtitled Athletic Competition. This is the type of hurt you may deal with from most people on a daily basis.

I read this book probably 7 or 8 years ago and still find myself going back to the principles taught therein. It has shaped the way I relate to myself and others (currently it is helping me relate lovingly to my 12 year old foster son who has major behavior issues). And I still recommend it and use its priciples when talking to friends who are going through major life problems (divorce, marital infidelity, rebellious kids, etc.).

The fact that I incorporated this book's teaching into my life makes it stand out from most books, which I read, enjoy, and then forget. This is a great book and worth the time and effort to read. As others have mentioned, the first part of the book is tough sledding, but it's necessary preparation for the rest of the book.

This is a good book. The first hundred pages or so are a lot of theology, which I personally loved. But even if you don't love it, suck it up and get through it, because the rest of it is definitely worth. How to love a sinner, how to love an evil person, how to forgive, what Christ's love really is...
This is a solid book, with great illustrations from Dr. Allender's experience, well worth the read.

The authors encourage the reader to see abusers, even those in the immediate family at least as sinners or even as simpletons, fools and evil persons - as enemies. They emphasize that one should love one's enemies, but not in a weak sort of way simply forgiving years of mistreatment, or forgiving and forgetting. A strong or bold love, wants to help change the heart of the abuser as well as one's own heart. Ideally, repentance and reconciliation are the goal when a relationship has been misused, not only from person-to-person but from person-to-God. The authors admit that this is not always possible, but the abused can disarm his abuser with love (even love at a distance if necessary), and even overwhelm him so much that he might not be able to do anything else except have a lasting change of heart and ask forgiveness. They encourage the abused, whether they have been abused physically, sexually or spiritually, to be couragious enough to not only pray for their enemies but love them enough to want them restored to others and to God.

A creative and shrewd love, as modeled by Jesus Christ, is encouraged. Three different kinds of abusers are portrayed and general tips on how to disarm them and surprise them with strong and effectual love are provided. The authors portray hate, and explain how this can be turned into love. They cannot address every situation in detail, but the tips are general enough that they can apply to different abusive situations depending on the circumstances.

This book was lent to me by a counselor, and together with counseling caused me to see that I was not just in a mildly abusive situation where most would say to forgive and forget, but could take action to help myself and even help my abuser, if he is willing to be helped. This book played a major role in helping me look at my own heart and motives, and make good guesses about the heart and motives of my abuser. The description of a fool as offered in the book fit that person to the T. Armed with this information, I was able to see that the abuse in my life was much worse than I had supposed, it was even evil. I realized that I had to combat the evil, not the person that was doing it. This freed me to make decisions that were long overdue and has brought a new hope even before the final solution of the problem is yet to be seen. For the first time in years the sadness is clearing, weakness is turning into strength, and joy and peace are increasing.

The authors give no guarantee that all relationships will become whole again if Bold Love is used, this has to be desired and worked on by both sides. Bold Love may result in a relationship that ends completely, driving away those that are unable to respond to it, but the ones that do the loving don't lose, they always win because this deep kind of love improves character. The person that employs Bold Love will not be the same again, even if the person he loves with it is not able to change.

Following the advice in the book requires scrupulous honesty for the victim, and the bold love that he then holds out to his abuser may shock the other into responding, provided he has a conscience. If the abuser is surprised enough when his abuse does not cause the anger and sadness that he intended, his heart may soften and he might be able to experience a change of heart if he is able to be honest with himself and confront the bad things he has done (The book addresses both men and women as abusers and abused). The abuser may want to apologize or ask forgiveness, this is the time at which the authors recommend open forgiveness, and the relationship may be restored. The only weakness in the book that I saw was that it did not address how to deal with sociopaths, who have no conscience and cannot experience true remorse. But for most relationships there is hope that they do not have to be continued in a damaged and pathetic state, but can be restored so that those in them have peace with each other, and if not, those that are suffering may find the strength to leave damaging relationships and gain peace this way too. This book is for those that are tired of sweeping everything under the rug. For those that are willing to look at themselves and others honestly, Bold Love offers a hope that can change them forever. I can honestly and heartily recommend Bold Love, it is one of the most influential and impacting books I have ever read.

I try to get everyone who has relationship issues to read this book. It has become my second Bible. I have been a Christian and involved in 12-Step recovery for over 20 years and had a vague understanding of the "tough" love model but had a difficult time reconciling that to the Biblical "turn the other cheek" model. This book has changed my life!!! It has taught me what normal, healthy, confrontation looks like instead of aggressive,brutal, honesty. It has taught me how to strategize my love walk without compromising my values and boundaries. I learned to spend more time in prayer and prepare for the day when a heart is open to hear. I learned to balance mercy and justice. I cannot say enough about this book. I want to teach these principles to others. They are so vitally necesary. Not your same ole' whimpy relationship book!!

If you're a Christian who's weary of the modern-day fluff that exhorts religion instead of faith - or a cynic who thinks the *true* born-again is a loon - read this book. I double-dare ya.

;)

One way or another, you won't ever be the same.

Dr. Dan Allender has written an amazing book that challenges our thoughts and beliefs of what Love really is. Dr, Allender challenges our conceptions of what we think love is with the reality of bold love which is doing what's best for the person and sometimes that means that you'll hurt inside but it's just what that other person needs. Allender is a geneius.