Customer Reviews

Boll Collection

5 star:		(2)
4 star:		(1)
3 star:		(0)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(2)

 

 

That's right, friends. Uwe, in his infinite wisdom, decided to release his early German films to the US market in this box set. It's obviously meant for the US market, because the DVD format is NTSC and the box art and packaging is all in English. Uwe was even nice enough to introduce every movie in English. Oh, did I mention the movies themselves were in German with NO SUBTITLES and NO DUBBING options? I wish someone had explained that to me before I plunked down 25 bucks. I guess I just assumed that people who market foreign films in the US would naturally include subtitles in the LANGUAGE OF THE COUNTRY IN WHICH ITS BEING SOLD! But we're talking about Uwe Boll. You were expecting competence?

The DVD is not as bad as I had read it was. There are only 2 movies in the set that actually have subtitles. It is obvious that it was designed for the German market and Uwe Boll thought he could make a few quick bucks in North America. That said his early films are not that bad ,but without a working knowledge of German why bother watching them.The main reason I bought the set was for his first film German Fried Movie. Sadly it is one of the two without subtitles and I can't tell if he has a sense of humour or the joke is really on us.The bonus disc promised that for a few extra bucks we could get his serial killer film Run Amok. It doesn't seem to be listed on Amazon so I guess the joke is on us.

The 21st century is still in its swaddling clothes, and yet it seems an Agege determined to waterlog us in the encumbrance of blood, horror, terror, and destruction---and pack all of it in the first 10 years of the Century!

Consider just a few of the horrors we've seen in our young Century: 9/11, the endless wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, mass suicide bombings, nuclear proliferation, even city-annihilating floods.

And now this, the sign that the End of the Age is at hand, and that the Beast is in the Temple: the appearance---for Sale!---of the innocently named "Boll Collection".

What is the "Boll Collection", you ask? Teutonic director Uwe Boll, who is to filmmaking what a rhinocerous is to hangliding, has thoughtfully collected four of his early films for your viewing pleasures. One of them even has English subtitles, so you see his cup really does overfloweth.

But let's talk about the entire concept behind "The Boll Collection". Think of it this way: this is the Master's early oeuvre, his work before---well, before he, you know, *learned* something about movie-making. Before he learned the skills behind crafting his *real* masterpieces, like "Bloodrayne", "Alone in the Dark", and "House of the Dead".

You know---before Uwe "got good".

You see the point?

Look, in the spirit of free consumer advice, here's my two cents on how to exactly duplicate the "Boll Collection"---for under a dollar!

1)Find a cheap meat tenderizer mallet (easily purchasable for under $1.50, perhaps even on Amazon!) and a cutting board.

2)Drop your pants and place your [euphemism for your holy manhood] on the cutting board. Take the meat tenderizer and pound away mercillessly at your helpless [wingus], at least 20 times.

3) Stop pounding. Sprinkle salt on wounds.

4) Rinse, repeat.

And there you have it: a way to have the full "Boll Collection" experience in all its heady glory, at a fraction of the cost---and without having to take German lessons.

JSG

I love all of his films. Watch these instead of predictable, generic mush like "Titanic" or "Forrest Gump". This collection is perfect for a starter.

I just bought the Boll Collection DVD set and in contrary to the above review, I'm quite happy with the films. Only 3 out of the 4 movies are subtitled, but the 4th dosen't really need subtitles anyways.

I can pretty much guarantee that nobody who's reviewed this boxed set has actually seen any of the movies contained therein.

So, I'm giving it a 5, just to help balance out the rating.