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Bonds That Make Us Free: Healing Our Relationships, Coming to Ourselves Hardcover – September 1, 2001


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Bonds That Make Us Free: Healing Our Relationships, Coming to Ourselves + The Anatomy of Peace: Resolving the Heart of Conflict + Leadership and Self-Deception: Getting out of the Box
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Product Details

  • Hardcover: 336 pages
  • Publisher: Shadow Mountain (September 2001)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1573459194
  • ISBN-13: 978-1573459198
  • Product Dimensions: 9.1 x 6.2 x 1.3 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 1.4 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (121 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #81,865 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

This book can change your outlook on life if you will let it.
Amazon Customer
I am a different person now after having read this book and I would highly recommend it to anyone!
Darlene W. Vincent
It has made me really think about the things I think and the things I say.
dyertribe

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

116 of 117 people found the following review helpful By Cal on April 3, 2005
Format: Hardcover
I walked into a bookstore with a collegue looking for a book on parenting. Being the parent of two current teens and two eventual teens, I am always seeking to understand them and finding ways to be a better parent. However when I told my collegue what I was looking for he recommended "Bonds That Make Us Free" and when I asked the young clerk if they carried the book, she said she read it herself and that it helped her strengthen her friendships.

I was thoroughly pleased with the book. The most powerful concept I learned was about self-deception, and how it can define who we are and the decisions we make. The book is filled with many, many short examples to help understand the principles being taught which I found extremely helpful.

This is not a simple feel-good book. I loaned the book to an older friend of mine and she had a hard time understanding it all. I read a few of the stories to my wife and she had a hard time appreciating the significance of the principles through my explanations. You have to be committed to reading and understanding the book to get everything out of it. Mind you, these are not faults with the book -- like any significant breakthrough in understanding it requires work on the reader's part to think about the principles being taught and honestly assessing your own behavior, and then applying the principles to your life.

For anyone seriously interested in improving their own personal happiness I highly recommend this book. It's one of the bst self-help books I've ever read.
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47 of 48 people found the following review helpful By "lector_voraz" on August 9, 2002
Format: Hardcover
This is truly a self-help book unlike any other. Its basic premise is that the root of many of our problems is a type of self-deception. Because of dishonesty toward ourselves, we are dishonest toward others (often without realizing it) and are unable to change in a positive way.
Celebrity psychologist Phil McGraw often points out that when two people are in a relationship, they tend to reinforce the other's negative habits, and that people often receive a payback (often unconsciously) from both their negative behavior and the negative behavior of the person. Warner explains such a process in detail in what is an especially fascinating part of the book.
In many ways, this book is quite radical. It suggests that the way to find oneself is to connect with other people in an honest way. It also says that when there is a dysfunctional relationship, to find healing we need to admit where we were wrong -- no matter how wrong the other person was! Warner provides some case studies that at first glance seem shocking -- why should the abuse VICTIM be the one to apologize? Yet on further reflection, the anecdotes he gave made sense. Some of the steps that seemed to radical and/or counterintuitive worked only because the person took the action with the right attitude; Warner goes to great pains to point out that the same action might not be appropriate for someone else to take for different reasons.
I have two major (and related) criticisms to this book:
-- Warner does not adequately explain when (or if) it is appropriate for a person to act in his or her own interests when such an action might be detrimental (or seem that way) to another person. At one point Warner even criticizes self-assertion, although it's not clear exactly what type of self-assertion he is critical of.
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59 of 64 people found the following review helpful By S. Swallow on October 7, 2003
Format: Hardcover
Perhaps the most compelling question Warner asks us to take up in this book is: Am I in the wrong? In a world where war comes before political leaders admit their own faults and where 50% of marriages end in divorce, often because partners can only see the problems with their spouse this question could have powerful effects.
I believe Warner has chosen his title carefully using the word "free," which is so loaded today. Being "free" today has been confused with being able to choose between 10 brands of VCR or do whatever you want with no thought of the consequences. What Warner advocates is a real freedom, freedom from your human self and its weaknesses. Warner's book will not ensure you won't make bad decisions but it will teach you about the courage to admit when you are in wrong and how to change for the better. That is real freedom.
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49 of 53 people found the following review helpful By Amazon Customer on February 22, 2005
Format: Hardcover Verified Purchase
This book can change your outlook on life if you will let it. It is a wonderful book full of stories and examples that will help you understand how you can be a better person. Some related books that are produced by people or companies associated with Terry Warner:

1. The Peacemaker: this book preaches the same philosophy but bases the learning on scriptures and the atonement of Christ - excellent read, highly recommended.

2. Leadership and Self-Deception by the Arbinger Institute: Same story format as the Peacemaker but from a business perspective.

All are great reads, but Bonds That Make Us Free is the masterpiece.

Other books that have changed my life:

The Road Less Traveled by M. Scott Peck - great insights on how to improve yourself

Approaching Zion by Hugh Nibley - a classic that will have you questioning modern society's basic premises.
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