Customer Reviews

Bone Eater

5 star:		(3)
4 star:		(2)
3 star:		(2)
2 star:		(2)
1 star:		(2)

 

 

The Bone Eater is a fun Horror/Western with an awesome monster, (an even more awesome ghost horse) and a ecologically based plot.

When developers try to build on sacred Native American land, they awaken the Bone Eater, a terrible monster from the tribes past. The monster is pretty cool for being obviously CGI. It's made up of all bones, and looks like something from the old cartoon Skeleton Warriors. It can dissolve people by spitting acid on them or just by touching them. Later, it even gets a ghost horse to ride, which is one of the best parts of the movie. The monster (and the catchy western movie music that follows him everywhere) is the reason to watch this movie.

A reason to not watch this movie is the plot is a little trite. After the monster starts killing people, the tribe and the local law band together to find a sacred axe and destroy it. The sheriff must re-embrace his Native American heritage and reconcile with his estranged teenage daughter. So don't watch this expecting to be dazzled by the writing.

However, if you're looking to have some fun with a brainless movie, and you like great monsters, Skeleton Warriors, or cheesy horror westerns, this would make a great choice for you.

Recommended.

The Bone Eater (Jim Wynorski, 2007)

As I've mentioned a few times, I watch a lot of Sci-Fi Channel Original Movies looking for the next Cube. I've seen some really, really dumb movies while doing this. But I have to say that The Bone Eater tops the list. This is easily one of the worst movies I have ever seen. There were a whole lot of folks in here who really, really needed the money.

The painfully thin plot: a group of construction workers digs up a creature made of bad CGI that can turn people into dust. The local sheriff (Bruce Boxleitner) has to find a way to stop it, after he finds a way to believe in it. There's a bunch of subplots, as well, none of which go anywhere, so you can safely ignore them.

It's far more amusing to find the uncredited former stars in this flick than it is to pay attention to what's going on anyway (Walter Koenig, Gil Gerard, William Katt, and Michael Horse are all credited; a number of others, with Veronica Hamel being the most recognizable, show up in cameos). That said, no one is doing their careers any good by being in this movie, which ranges from stupid to blatantly offensive (if you can think of a Native American stereotype, it pops up somewhere in this flick). The acting is bargain-basement, even from such previous mainstays as Horse. I know I should have turned it off halfway through, once I realized it wasn't going to get any better, but I had to keep watching to see how much worse it could possibly get. I was not disappointed; every time you think the movie's hit a new low, it drops another notch or two. Thoroughly useless; avoid it like the plague. Half a star, because I did, in fact, sit through the whole thing.

I actually enjoyed the movie. Not nearly as bad as most of the made for SCFI Channel movies. Kind of a silly western meets bad horror.

Having reviews 30 and 31 on the month covered with The Shining and Halloween 4 (soon to follow) we decided to use our wildcard pick on one more creature feature at number 29. A nice low budget monster flick has always been a late night Saturday favorite of Sid's, always holding a special place in our memories. The enjoyment that made us this way has been inspired by a combo of MonsterVision, late night 7-11 trips, bad movies, and a few great friends. Unfortunately they have made themselves less prevalent over the years by only showing up on made for t.v sci-fi channel movies specials. It's too bad they're not what they used to be, but we still hop on the chance to check one out every so often.

The Bone Eater starts off in the town of Sweet Water (aka oooooh sweet daddy) with some construction workers breaking ground on building a resort. As they dig they uncover a bone making them instinctively know they are on an ancient burial ground. Despite one workers protest the rest continue on and resurrect the hilariously computer generated Bone Eater. For a visual just imagine something like a Halloween skeleton decoration but computer generated and about 20 feet tall. Our creature friend is pretty angry he's been awakened and starts picking off any towns people in his way. Only thing is his kills are pretty lame, yet laughable, as he simply turns you into dust. Naturally the only one who can stop him is the cliched small town sheriff whose having problems with his teenage daughter. With the help of some local Native Americans they stop the Bone Eater with great success! Happy Times!

Now by our synopsis you may expect a much lower rating for our evening feature. However the points we make were actually favorable in our twisted b dominated minds. All these things that make most movie viewers cringe are the very same factors that have kept us watching b for the last 15 years with no end in sight. Sure the reviews may decrease in number over the years to come, but they will always be the center of what Sid is all about. It's the one thing (combined with a couple other key items) that seem to make everything just perfect. So with all that said we can recommend The Bone Eater to the creature b loving audience that never sets the bar too high.

If a Native American skeleton on a murderous rampage that rides a ghostly steed sounds familiar, it's because before there was Bone Eater for the Syfy channel there was...Skeleton Man for the Syfy channel.

The similarities between Sharktopus/Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus and Skeleton Man/Bone Eater make it clear that Syfy throws a wide net ("Quick, give us a pitch on an Indian skeleton that rides a horse and kills people!") and lets the studios duke it out in the public forum. Sadly, Bone Eater is the winner.

It's not that Bone Eater is good -- it's filled with American Indian stereotypes like mystic man (Chief Stormcloud played by Michael Horse), pretty young woman (Kaya played by Jennifer Lee Wiggins), and bulging psychopath (Johnny Blackhawk played by Adoni Maropis) - but that Skeleton Man is that bad. Watching these two movies back-to-back really gives one an appreciation for bad CGI, which is still better than no CGI at all.

The Bone Eater in question is interesting. He carries bone-like weapons, can jump great distances, and his touch causes bone and flesh to disintegrate. As if that didn't make him deadly enough, the Bone Eater can spew poisonous gas or throw one of its rib bones at a target with the same effect. Those looking for blood and gore will be disappointed. Fans of dust and debris will be thrilled.

Of course, any Native American tale must have a white man (Sheriff Steve Evans AKA Running Wolf played by Bruce Boxleitner, wearing lots of red makeup) who rediscovers his Native American heritage. Our hero is the only one who can defeat the Bone Eater with a mystic axe that just happened to be lying around.

There's some lame subplot about Evans' daughter (played by Clara Bryant as a much-too-curvy-for-her-age sixteen-year-old) dating the local bad boy, the white rich developer guy (Jim Krantz) trying to literally bulldoze the native opposition, and a sheriff in a quandary about his heritage - but bringing any of that up gives this film far too much credit.

With no character development to speak of, Bone Eater is actually more of a Wild West-style showdown between two aging icons past their prime: Steve Evans (Bruce Boxleitner) and Bone Eater (Skeleton Man).

And for all its flaws...it's still better than Skeleton Man.

Wow, this movie really sucked eggs. Goofy-looking monster Indian skeleton chasing and disintegrating people. Dialogue was grade C movie tripe. Read all scathing reviews for more.

Oh, come on now, it wasn't that bad. Just think of it as a funny, comical old time story. In fact, the end...if you have seen it, you know what I mean...is like an old western. We can't always watch just the very best. Sometime we need just a little icky in our lives. If anyone is (or was) expecting nudity because it is a 2007/2008 movie...forget it. But it's still an okay watch.

Looked interesting enough, but was I sorry I bought this instead of renting it. The special effects were horrible. The monster was more funny than anything. When the bone eater's horse would appear in a puff of smoke and the old western type music would start playing, it was more like a comedy. Bruce Boxleitner was ok. I saw Gil Gerard was in this and the actress that used to be on Hill Street Blues, I believe. I originally didn't recognize either one of them until I played the movie again. I would think they could find something much better to be in. I guess you take what you can get!

This is a neat movie. How does bones think without a brain? Is the brain woven into the skull? Terrific imagination.

I had heard that this movie wasn't all that, but when I watched it on tv the other day, I was pleasantly surprised. The creature looks great for a scifi channel movie. The characters were very likeable and believable. Don't believe all the bad things you hear, but don't have excessively high standards for a movie made for tv.