The Book of No: 250 Ways to Say It -- And Mean It and Stop People-pleasing Forever [Paperback]

Susan Newman (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: November 15, 2005

Overscheduled? Overworked? Overburdened?
Get the "No-How" you need to take back your life

Refusing someone is rarely easy and is often downright uncomfortable. But constantly giving in creates anxiety, anger, added stress, regret, and feelings of powerlessness.

Bestselling author Dr. Susan Newman helps you break your debilitating "yes" habit with her simple techniques, scenarios, and insights. Tackling family, friends, coworkers, and even pushy salespeople, The Book of No helps you

• Recognize when someone is manipulating you into saying "yes"
• Avoid being socially overcommitted, and put an end to feelings of resentment, anger, and guilt
• Get more enjoyment out of the time you make for friends and family
• Establish boundaries and be more focused and effective at work

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Do you feel guilty when your child demands that you launder his soccer uniform immediately? Does an out-of-town friend suddenly want you to clear your calendar for an unexpected visit? In this handy manual, social psychologist Newman (Parenting an Only Child) writes with humor but a no-nonsense tone, offering 250 short, dramatic scenes that demonstrate workable techniques for helping you just say no. Newman contends that for many people, saying yes to whatever is asked of them is an unhealthy pattern driven by a need for approval, love or admiration, rather than a desire to help. To those who make a habit of accommodating others against their better judgment, the author suggests making a weekly list of yeses, noting if your time is well managed, learning to prioritize and set limits and giving up the need to be in control. Newman outlines familiar examples of demands made by friends, family and co-workers, and even forceful strangers such as telemarketers (just refuse and hang up). Although Newman doesn't write specifically for women, most of her illustrations present wives, mothers and workers as typical of today's overwhelmed yes women.
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

From the Back Cover

"This book will free you. It is one of the most liberating, empowering, and practical topics I've seen . . . and Susan Newman does a masterful job bringing it home."
--Joseph Grenny, New York Times bestselling coauthor of Crucial Confrontations

"The skill of saying 'no' is essential for a life of freedom and dignity. Dr. Newman's book, through a series of carefully analyzed examples, teaches that skill."
-- Herbert Fensterheim, Ph.D., coauthor of Don't Say Yes When You Want to Say No

Overscheduled? Overworked? Overburdened?
Get the "No-How" you need to take back your life

Refusing someone is rarely easy and is often downright uncomfortable. But constantly giving in creates anxiety, anger, added stress, regret, and feelings of powerlessness.

Bestselling author Dr. Susan Newman helps you break your debilitating "yes" habit with her simple techniques, scenarios, and insights. Tackling family, friends, coworkers, and even pushy salespeople, The Book of No helps you

• Recognize when someone is manipulating you into saying "yes"
• Avoid being socially overcommitted, and put an end to feelings of resentment, anger, and guilt
• Get more enjoyment out of the time you make for friends and family
• Establish boundaries and be more focused and effective at work

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Paperback: 224 pages
• Publisher: McGraw-Hill; 1 edition (November 15, 2005)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0071460780
• ISBN-13: 978-0071460781
• Product Dimensions: 8.1 x 5.4 x 0.6 inches
• Shipping Weight: 8 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 4.2 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (36 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #293,800 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

As a social psychologist, for decades I have focused on relationship and family issues from enriching parent-child and family connections to reaching a sensible balance between work and family, from preventing child abduction and alcohol abuse to getting along better with your parents when you are all adults, and more. The material for my articles and books comes from extensive interviewing and evaluation often combined with the studies and findings of other psychologists, psychiatrists, and related experts. My goal is to provide readers the most accurate, objective, and useful insights available on the topic.

I believe conflicts and disturbing problems can be eased, if not solved, and most relationships improved when people are willing to make the effort. My books are created and designed to give you the information and tools to help you succeed in making a better, happier life for yourself, your children, your parents, partner, friends, and work colleagues.

Those considering or raising an only child will find interesting discussions at my Psychology Today magazine blog: Singletons

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

13 of 15 people found the following review helpful:

1.0 out of 5 stars Ouch! The "NO" I Learned Was Say "NO" to Buying This Book., March 12, 2006

By 

Avid Reader (Florida) - See all my reviews

This review is from: The Book of No: 250 Ways to Say It -- And Mean It and Stop People-pleasing Forever (Paperback)

Gosh, I was so disappointed in this book. Bought it as a gift for someone who can never say "no", but I didn't give it to her. The majority of Dr Newman's examples, which make up at least 90% of the book, are far too harsh to be of any use. If you want to alientate your friends and realtives, be mean to your kids, and get fired from your job, then go ahead and say this stuff to them. Personally, I expected some well-thought out and much more diplomatic advice. I don't see how this kind of "in your face talk" is going to do anything but cause more trouble. All I learned was I wish I would have said a big NO! to purchasing this book.

7 of 7 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Great resource for treading the NO waters, August 3, 2006

By 

Meryl K. Evans "Content Maven behind meryl.net" (Plano, TX) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: The Book of No: 250 Ways to Say It -- And Mean It and Stop People-pleasing Forever (Paperback)

We all know someone who, like Oklahoma's Ado Annie, just "cain't say no." These folks accept every project. Every volunteer job. While everyone around them loves and appreciates them (or not), they're often tired and do little for themselves. Some people who fall into this group may not even realize they're on automated mode when agreeing to help.

The Book of No contains 250 scenarios and how to handle them so that you say no. Before the entering the bulk of the book that contains the scenarios, Newman covers five basics to get you started with this No business as well as a 16-point No Credo to remind you that you have the right to say no. Saying no is a learned skill, and the scenarios can help the yes-person develop the courage to say no.

Each scenario poses a question or statement followed by three parts:

* What's going on here? - Explains the situation and possible motives.
* Response - How to respond so the answer ends in a No.</li>
* Alert - A warning to help you the next time you get into the situation or contains insight so you better understand what's going on.

A person who has the courage to say no may feel terrible and guilty afterward. The scenarios don't simply advise saying no, but instead provide honest and guilt-free responses. For example, someone at work asks if you're available for lunch on certain days. The response, "Thanks for including me, but I can't squeeze another thing into my crammed schedule this week."

The scenarios are grouped into four areas for quick referencing: friends, family, work, and difficult people, which include situations with sales people and those who provide services.

The book concludes with a bulleted list of key lessons to provide reinforcement to keep you focused on the road to accomplishing more of what you want and less of what others want. The brief introduction and conclusion with the well-sorted scenarios in between make the book a great tool for people who need support in their journey to say no.

5 of 5 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Saying Yes Too Often Can Get You In Trouble, January 25, 2006

By 

Elaine (Bridgewater NJ) - See all my reviews

This review is from: The Book of No: 250 Ways to Say It -- And Mean It and Stop People-pleasing Forever (Paperback)

I just read all the other reviews and I think I have to say "NO" to the reviewer who said this book is gender biased. My husband read this book before me and thought it was very well organized with a creative format and helpful to him (and he does not have a serious problem with saying NO). I do have the problem of knowing how & when to say NO and mean it. This book covers interactions with family members, friends, co workers and bosses and applies to men as well as women.

As a result of reading this book, I have started to become much more focused on how I need to spend my time and energy, so saying I am sorry, I am overwhelmed with commitments right now has gotten much easier.

Thanks to Dr. Newman, I am much less stressed about saying NO, which gives me the time to work on things that are improtant to me and my family.