Customer Reviews

The Book of No: 250 Ways to Say It -- And Mean It and Stop People-pleasing Forever

5 star:		(26)
4 star:		(2)
3 star:		(2)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(6)

 

 

Gosh, I was so disappointed in this book. Bought it as a gift for someone who can never say "no", but I didn't give it to her. The majority of Dr Newman's examples, which make up at least 90% of the book, are far too harsh to be of any use. If you want to alientate your friends and realtives, be mean to your kids, and get fired from your job, then go ahead and say this stuff to them. Personally, I expected some well-thought out and much more diplomatic advice. I don't see how this kind of "in your face talk" is going to do anything but cause more trouble. All I learned was I wish I would have said a big NO! to purchasing this book.

We all know someone who, like Oklahoma's Ado Annie, just "cain't say no." These folks accept every project. Every volunteer job. While everyone around them loves and appreciates them (or not), they're often tired and do little for themselves. Some people who fall into this group may not even realize they're on automated mode when agreeing to help.

The Book of No contains 250 scenarios and how to handle them so that you say no. Before the entering the bulk of the book that contains the scenarios, Newman covers five basics to get you started with this No business as well as a 16-point No Credo to remind you that you have the right to say no. Saying no is a learned skill, and the scenarios can help the yes-person develop the courage to say no.

Each scenario poses a question or statement followed by three parts:

* What's going on here? - Explains the situation and possible motives.
* Response - How to respond so the answer ends in a No.</li>
* Alert - A warning to help you the next time you get into the situation or contains insight so you better understand what's going on.

A person who has the courage to say no may feel terrible and guilty afterward. The scenarios don't simply advise saying no, but instead provide honest and guilt-free responses. For example, someone at work asks if you're available for lunch on certain days. The response, "Thanks for including me, but I can't squeeze another thing into my crammed schedule this week."

The scenarios are grouped into four areas for quick referencing: friends, family, work, and difficult people, which include situations with sales people and those who provide services.

The book concludes with a bulleted list of key lessons to provide reinforcement to keep you focused on the road to accomplishing more of what you want and less of what others want. The brief introduction and conclusion with the well-sorted scenarios in between make the book a great tool for people who need support in their journey to say no.

I just read all the other reviews and I think I have to say "NO" to the reviewer who said this book is gender biased. My husband read this book before me and thought it was very well organized with a creative format and helpful to him (and he does not have a serious problem with saying NO). I do have the problem of knowing how & when to say NO and mean it. This book covers interactions with family members, friends, co workers and bosses and applies to men as well as women.

As a result of reading this book, I have started to become much more focused on how I need to spend my time and energy, so saying I am sorry, I am overwhelmed with commitments right now has gotten much easier.

Thanks to Dr. Newman, I am much less stressed about saying NO, which gives me the time to work on things that are improtant to me and my family.

This book gives us, the readers, TOOLS to take control of our lives and to start saying NO when we are being taken advantage of, manipulated or just plain find ourselves overextended in today's hectic lifestyle. This book makes the reader aware of how often we say YES when we should say NO...and then end up resenting the very people who we were trying to help. The book includes insightful guilt-free ways of dealing with friends, family and employers/supervisors who abuse a worker's drive for high performance. This book is for everyone who cares about making other people happy. If you are so evolved that you don't need to learn how to stand up for yourself and let your feelings be known in an appropriate manner, then you know someone who could use this very valuable and instructive read! Buy this book- for yourself or as a gift!

Excellent advice using common examples of requests we've all encountered--and most important, concrete suggestions for how to say "no" to those requests. This book will sit on my desk, right by my phone.

Dr. Newman's book is terrific!

Boy oh boy, do I ever wish I'd read it before I got snagged into doing a job that I never wanted to do. I was a wuss to have been so coerced. And now I feel "taken" and irked. Had I read THE BOOK OF NO a week ago, I would have known how to avoid such a situation. Henceforth, I shall be stronger. This is a book for all those who say "yes" too easily.

I'm not sure who this book if for.

The tone of the book is pretty harsh. Basically it provides lots of excuses for saying no to everyone. It's along the lines of scenarios where someone asks you to do something and you are supposed to say "No, I won't do it. Do it yourself"

If you are comfortable with harshly telling people no, even relishing shooting people down (and the tone of the book is pretty resentful), I doubt you need any assertiveness training to begin with.

For someone who does need more assertiveness, the examples are a little too rude, so this book is too out of character and not much help. You're probably not looking to become a jerk, just looking for more balance in relationships.

People are probably better off finding a book about assertiveness.

This is the book I've needed for years! It not only alerts you to the dynamic you're facing with each opportunity to say no, it suggests actual words to get your point across. When, as so often happens (despite being a professional writer!), I'm at a loss for words with people who deserve to be told "no," I need the help of this excellent source of scripts. The hoped-for sequel: INDUSTRIAL-STRENGTH "NO": Dealing With People Who Refuse to Take No for an Answer.
Tiffany Holmes

Dr. Newman's book is a blessing to all of us women who are exhausted, sick and irritable because we don't know how to say "no." I can't believe I'm 32 and still trying to please everyone around me, including parents, friends and even strangers! I keep telling myself that I'm a grown woman, but as Dr. Newman writes - it takes practice.?Millions of people suffer from this syndrome and don't even realize it. I recently attended a co-dependancy workshop at the Caron Foundation's Center for Self Development, which includes setting boudaries. This book should be on the "suggested reading list." Our lives fill up with "things to do" so easily - and we wonder why we are always so tired! Dr. Newman lets us know we aren't alone and that by setting practical boundaries, we can have the energy and happiness we deserve.
(Writer and recovering people-pleaser. Melisa Uchida)

This is a great book if you need practical responses and solutions for dealing with those people out there who are always overstepping their boundaries!!