Customer Reviews

The Boomer Burden: Dealing with Your Parents' Lifetime Accumulation of Stuff

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I chose the perfect time to crack and read this book. My father and mother both spent significant time in the hospital last summer and they are getting up in years. The term "pack-rat" is also an understatement in describing them, they have multiple dwellings and outbuildings and all are stuffed. This book is about the delicate task of getting older parents and their baby boomer children doing everything they can to resolve property issues before it is too late for the parents to be involved. It is such a sensitive manner, because it involves the issues of facing your mortality, dealing with the thought or presence of a loss, the lifetime of memories that a baby boomer has, and the almost certain presence of multiple grandchildren.
Merely one generation ago when children generally did not drift far away from their parents, there was constant physical contact between parents and their children. In many cases, they shared the same dwelling or had separate residences on the same land. Things are different now. In the modern world, children generally set up residence some distance away and lose track of what their parent's dwellings are like. Many of the parents also lived through the depression and so keep anything that could possibly have value. Hall recounts instances of dwellings packed with newspapers, old plastic containers, empty glass jars and old magazines that have taken years to accumulate. The elderly parents are often reluctant to explain to their children exactly what their assets are and who should be the one to receive them. Finally, as is the case in every endeavor involving humans and assets, the death of a parent often brings out the base element of greed. Not only among the descendents, but often among friends and neighbors of the deceased and it can appear before death if the person is mentally deficient. All of this in combination creates a veritable mine field of danger and Hall does an excellent job in describing ways you can prevent their being laid, detect them and even defuse them when encountered.
I plan on implementing several of the suggestions put forward in this book and I strongly encourage people on both sides of the parent - boomer relationship to read this book with an open heart and open mind. Issues of life, death and inheritance are extremely difficult and the best way to handle them is early and with openness, honesty and without passion. Hall explains how to do all of these things in order for you to do the best you possibly can in a bad but unavoidable situation.

This is a phenomenal, poignant, and thorough examination into a subject area that is often overlooked. If every Boomer and their parent read this book, we'd have fewer family crises, fewer disputes to be settled by attorneys, and far less heartbreak after a parent's death. After you read it, you'll want to share it with everyone you know - regardless of their age!

This is a great handbook for anyone dealing with aging parents, and for caring parents who want their children to know their wishes. If you do half of what Julie suggests, you will make your own life easier, your siblings and parents life easier. The book has great practical advice and it's written by someone who cares deeply about her subject. I've reccomended it to at least 5 people.

This book is a must read for anyone with parents or in-laws. It gives you a clue as to what to do with a person's lifetime accumulation of belongings and eases the guilt that comes with getting rid of things your parents have touched. If you are reading this book after having cleaned out your parent's home, it will make you feel better about not keeping everything they owned. It can help you come to terms with your sibling's behavior that may not have been in line with your parent's wishes. Reading this book will also give you a new perspective on your own belongings and the nightmare you may be leaving for your own children or friends. I highly recommend this book!

This book would have been more welcome had it not arrived at the same time as Harry Rinker's "Sell, Keep, or Toss?"

Hall's book has lots of encouraging narrative (stories) about the need for planning, and methods, and working through problems. Lots of rationale, and thought. And some methods for clearing a house.

On the other hand, Rinker's book has far more rules of thumb/guidelines, and explanation of methods to dispose of goods, and detailed advice; very much more practical: focusing on the disposal process.

I can see where you could benefit from one book or the other or both, but the distinction should be clear.

Author Julie Hall (a.k.a. The Estate Lady) promises, "This book will provide you with the trustworthy counsel you need when facing the monumental task of walking your parents through their final days and then settling their estate." She keeps that promise in fifteen chapters that deal with things like:
- how to tell your parents are failing,
- the importance of a will,
- what an executor is and does,
- how to protect the estate from grasping neighbors, friends and relatives,
- how to ascertain the value of estate items,
- how to clean out your parents' house, and more.

Important points covered in each section are repeated within the chapter as lists, definitions, and words of advice in sidebar-type boxes. Each chapter concludes with "What Can I Do Now?" - a checklist of three pertinent actions for the reader to perform at that particular juncture of the process.

The book ends with three appendices:
- a checklist for parent care,
- a list of helpful resources, and a list of estate documents,
- information that children should locate and keep accessible.

Though the subject matter makes this a hard book to read, Hall's sympathetic tone and reasoned approach helps the reader quell naturally arising angst in favor of paying attention to what needs to be done. Her wealth of stories and anecdotes keeps the book interesting. If the story of neighbors who cleaned out the valuables of a senile lady's house, paying her mere dollars when the pieces were worth hundreds, doesn't outrage you, some of the stories of family treachery will.

Hall's real goal is to move the reader beyond outrage to action. If you are a boomer with aging parents, this book will motivate and guide you. It will show you how to set things up now while your parents are still alive so the estate isn't a nightmare to settle later when there is no will, no knowledge of where important papers are kept, and no list of who gets what. (However, if your parents have died intestate -- without a will -- it walks you through that scenario as well.) If you are a boomer or a boomer's parent, this book was written to motivate you to look after your stuff yourself and not leave it to your kids.

If you're a boomer with failing parents, get this book. As someone who was executor of my mother's estate two years ago, I can vouch for how bang-on its advice is. I only wish I had had it then.

If you're a boomer or younger, get this book in any case, not for your parents' estate but for your own. Follow its advice and leave your children one of the best gifts you can give them - a straightforward and well-administered estate.

Some things we just can't put on the back shelf, but before we all die we somehow manage to fill shelves . . . tons of them. Have you noticed, as a Baby Boomer, the sheer amount of clutter and junk in your parent's home? Your own? Chances are you don't have anything that would make an appraiser shout for joy on Antique Roadshow, but the local junk dealer might be happy as a clam to get some of it. In the event your parents become unable to live in their home due to disability or pass away you might just be taking a much closer look than you planned on. According to Julie Hall, author of the fabulous book, The Boomer Burden: DEALING WITH YOUR PARENTS' LIFETIME ACCUMULATION OF STUFF, you're going to be hit by a "flying brick." It isn't going to be a pretty sight.

When we Boomers were in our twenties, we all felt we were invincible. Nah, we're all going to live forever and nothing will happen to mom and dad. Think again. As Hall bluntly states, "even Lipitor won't keep your parents alive forever." The resulting estate, however palatial or humble . . . well, you gotta deal with it, like it or not. Known as "The Estate Lady," Julie has a great deal of experience and claims she can help the reader "clear out your parents' estate in seven to ten days." Sage advice includes dealing with the appointment of a legal representative, division of the estate, identity and appraisal of potential valuable items, how to minimize sibling rivalry, how to deal with those little skeletons in the closet, vultures and much more. The Boomers, now finding themselves sandwiched between caring for aging parents and their own children and grandchildren can use all the help they can get in times of crisis!

I was amazed by the originality, depth and usefulness of this book. I was literally burning the midnight oil trying to get to the end of this book. The topic and usefulness span generations and is a marvelous resource for not only the Boomer, but also an excellent preparation guide for the parent who wishes to ease the clutter conundrum for their children. This book can be a gift of love between generations and should not be overlooked.

Deb Fowler (Roundtable Reviews)

I'm at that age where sometime in the foreseeable future, I'm going to have to deal with the passing of one or more parents in our family. In addition to the grieving process, there's something that often doesn't get discussed until it's too late... what do you do with all the "stuff" your parents have accumulated over their lifetime? Julie Hall has made a career of working through that process with people, and she's written a book called The Boomer Burden: Dealing with Your Parents' Lifetime Accumulation of Stuff. Even though it may not be a subject you want to think about, time spent reading The Boomer Burden now can lead to infinitely fewer headaches and fractured relationships when that time comes. And if you're the parent, reading and acting on the information here is one of the best gifts you can give to your children.

Contents:
Introduction: Leaving Behind More Than Memories
First Signs
Planning for the Inevitable
Where's the Will?
When Reality Sinks In
The Hearse Doesn't Have a Trailer Hitch
Relatively Speaking
Scammers, Schemers, and Other Scoundrels
The Nitty-Gritty of Dividing Your Parents' Estate
But What Is It Really Worth?
Where Do I Begin?
How to Clean Out Your Parents' Estate
Right, Wrong, and In Between
I Will Never Do This to My Kids!
Be Good to Yourself
Mission Accomplished!
Appendix A: Your Complete Parent Care Checklist
Appendix B: Helpful Resources
Appendix C: Documents and Information to Locate
Appendix D: Sample Wish List Spreadsheet
Notes
About the Author

Hall has a business called The Estate Lady, and she brings 17 years of experience to this often ignored (but inevitable) part of life. She documents in painful detail how normal families can turn into dishonest, contentious enemies over the process of clearing out and dividing up the contents of the parents' estate. It's also quite normal for "friends" to want to help out with the process, but those friends often help themselves to items when no one is looking. Add antique dealers and consignment agents on top of that, and valuable keepsakes can wander out the door for pennies on the dollar, often before you even know what happened. Hall has a process which helps you make difficult decisions beforehand (when emotions aren't running high), as well as steps to follow which makes the process of emptying the house something which doesn't have to be completely overwhelming. She also counsels parents to take the time beforehand to make a will, record where all the important papers are, and to list out any items of value and who they would want them to go to when they die. These simple acts can make all the difference in the world to the survivors who have to sort it all out.

It's tempting to think that your family will be one of the 20% (yes, it's that low) that smoothly handles this unfortunate event. Odds are, you won't be. While I'm not in the position of having Depression-era parents who saved EVERYTHING, there's still "stuff" that will have to be handled when that time comes for me. Based on the information in this book, I know I'll be in a much better position to do the right things than I would have been without it. I would recommend this book be standard reading material for anyone over the age of 35. Trust me, you'll need it at some point...

My own mother recently developed dementia and was moved from a fully furnished two-bedroom apartment into a single Assisted Living room. She is in North Carolina and I am in New York, so the task of clearing out her papers, furniture, art, and jewelry fell to me. With limited time and storage space of my own, I asked - no, pleaded - for help, and was thankfully referred to Julie Hall herself and her book. The book was an invaluable resource both before and during the process, and I was amazed by Julie Hall's vast knowledge and experience. She helped me through a very difficult time, and one that I know many of my peers are, or will soon, face. I highly recommend this book to anyone with aging parents.

Dealing with the death of a parent can be very difficult. Emotions run high and feelings are in a state of volatility and turmoil. If this wasn't enough, there is also the problem of dividing up the deceased person's estate and this problem is compounded further when there is no will; no official document that says exactly how to distribute assets. Add to that the problem an adult child experiences when emptying out a parent's home that is overloaded with things, and you have all the ingredients for a highly stressful situation.

This is where The Boomer Burden can help. Written by a woman with plenty of experience with estates, wills, and other related issues, this book is intended to serve as a guide to adult children who want to do the right thing, honor their parents, and get through the ordeal with as few hard feelings as possible. The book begins with the topic of wills and it drills into the reader's head just how important it is to have a will- not just for parents who are nearing the end of the line, but also for themselves. Without a will, a court will decide how to divide up the assets of an estate and, more often than not, the division of property will be unacceptable to the children and will probably not coincide with the desires of the parents. This is why it is so important to have a will, and the author stresses and then re- stresses this point over and over as you read.

After the issue of wills has been emphasized to excess, The Boomer Burden then brings up some other important issues that many may relate to. One is the problem associated with older parents who are still alive but are too sick to care for themselves and need to enter an assisted living facility. Many seniors will stubbornly refuse to leave their homes for a multitude of reasons; some valid, and others bogus. The Boomer Burden offers some tips on ways to convince reluctant parents that they would be better off if there was someone around the clock to help them. The book also offers some alternatives that might be more acceptable to certain people, like having a nurse check in periodically throughout the week, at the senior citizen's own residence. The book also offers some tips on ways to convince older parents to start the cleanup process by eliminating the accumulation of things they have held onto over the years- particularly those things that have little value.

What to do with so much stuff is another important component of this book. As The Boomer Burden points out, there are likely to be some surprises along the way when adult children walk through a deceased parent's house and start to open boxes, check cupboards, open drawers, etc. Many children are shocked at the large accumulation of stuff stored in attics, garages, basements, cupboards, and other places. Bread bags, cool whip containers, old newspapers, and old magazines are among the many discoveries just waiting to be found and the decision on what to do often comes down to either making a charitable donation or renting a large dumpster to discard the old magazines, papers, etc. Always check through things first- there could possibly be a collectable among that garbage. An old newspaper from an ordinary day of the week is worth nothing, but a newspaper with an important world news headline story could be worth some big bucks, so check before you toss.

The Boomer Burden is geared toward baby boomers whose parents are nearing their final days and it was written to address some of the issues common to senior citizens of this generation. Parents of baby boomers grew up during difficult times and this is part of the reason why they have a greater tendency to hoard things. Their generation is often very frugal and believes you shouldn't throw away anything that might have some use in the future. This is why it is so common to find certain items in such abundance in the homes of individuals of this generation.

The Boomer Burden is written in a practical style, but with a friendly and helpful tone. The author wants everyone to be prepared and wants to minimize family trauma. She also realizes that there is plenty of work to be done both before and after the passing of a parent, so she wastes no time rolling up her sleeves and telling you, the reader, what needs to be done each step of the way. The author is friendly, but firm. Wills need to be completed, houses need to be cleaned, and other important decisions have to be made. There is little time to procrastinate, and this highly useful guide offers estate advice that, while not necessarily something we like to think about, is practical and sensible. Following its many words of wisdom will not only save you loads of garbage, it will also save you loads of grief during this especially difficult time.