Borderlines: A Memoir [Hardcover]

Caroline Kraus (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: February 24, 2004

What would you do if your best friend was also your worst enemy?

When Caroline Kraus leaves behind her sheltered, upper-middle-class home in St. Louis for San Francisco following the death of her mother, she is searching for clarity and a fresh perspective to help her escape her mother’s ghost. Instead, in a dreamlike city of beatnik bookstores and coffeehouses, she meets Jane.

Bewitching and free-spirited, Jane offers Caroline the warmth, intuitive understanding, and female companionship she craves, and soon the two women are inseparable. But gradually, Caroline discovers that behind the intensity that makes the friendship so intoxicating lies a dangerous, symbiotic stranglehold. As their lives and psyches become evermore intertwined, Jane begins to reveal some disturbing qualities and pulls Caroline further into her troubled depths. And as her subtle manipulations blossom into emotional blackmail, financial ruin, alarming promiscuity, and ultimately, physical aggression, Caroline must fight to regain her sense of self, and her understanding of where Jane ends and she begins.

Gripping and unforgettable, Borderlines distills the author’s terrifying experience into a mesmerizing memoir that will hold you captive until the last page. At its heart lies an unflinching look at the potent, hidden dynamics beneath the surface of any intimate relationship—and the dangerous blurring of individual boundaries that can occur when these dynamics are unleashed. An extraordinary tale that illuminates the power of love, loss, loyalty, and grief, Borderlines is an unprecedented account of the dark side of friendships between women, and marks a striking literary debut.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Less than a year after her mother's death from cancer, recent college grad Kraus packs up and moves from St. Louis to San Francisco, eager to begin an independent life. Working at a Palo Alto bookstore, she meets Jane, another employee who becomes her friend, temporary lover, constant companion and, ultimately, "worst enemy." In her first book, Kraus skillfully delineates the arc of her relationship with Jane, which initially brings love and happiness to the author, who's been grieving and looking for an emotional anchor in her mother's absence. Attractive, charismatic Jane, a few years older than Kraus, listens to her, calls her "Honey" and gives her an "endorphin rush" in the wake of "exclusive attention." Kraus soon learns that Jane cuts herself with razor blades, sucks her thumb and claims to have been sexually molested as a child, yet Kraus remains loyal. When a roommate tells Kraus she thinks Jane has "a strange power over you," Kraus can't see the problem. Even when Jane turns manipulative and hurtful, discards Kraus as a lover, sleeps with other people (women and men) and drives Kraus into debt and her own form of self-mutilation, the author seems to need Jane's love and approval. To her credit, Kraus, who finally frees herself from Jane and goes on to attend film school in New York, tells her gripping tale without indulging in melodrama or portraying herself as a pathetic victim. Although readers may become frustrated by the repeated descriptions of Jane's abusive behavior before Kraus seeks help, this work succeeds in showcasing Kraus's writing talent while exploring a disturbing topic.
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

From School Library Journal

Adult/High School–This is the story of a dysfunctional relationship. Shortly after graduating from college, Kraus met Jane upon moving to San Francisco, roomed with her, and soon found the somewhat older woman separating her from friends, family, money, and, finally, sanity. The author had moved west from St. Louis after her mother died, and her fragile mental state from coping with this death played a large part in her susceptibility to Jane's power. The two met at the bookstore where they worked. While at first everyone was enamored with Jane, the other employees, as well as Kraus's friends, soon began warning her of the woman's strangely manipulative behavior. While Kraus barely dated, Jane took several lovers of both sexes and often played them off one another and Kraus. As she gradually became aware of the way she was being dragged down, the author was able to claw her way back to reality. Through it all, many common elements of young adult literature appear–cutting, sexual identity, the loss of parents, and sibling rivalry. The memoir jumps around quite a bit at first, which is distracting, but the pieces unfold and rejoin to give readers a more thorough understanding of how an obviously intelligent woman could allow herself to be so taken advantage of.–Jamie Watson, Enoch Pratt Free Library, Baltimore
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

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Product Details

• Hardcover: 368 pages
• Publisher: Broadway (February 24, 2004)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0767914031
• ISBN-13: 978-0767914031
• Product Dimensions: 8.6 x 5.5 x 1.1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.1 pounds
• Average Customer Review: 4.1 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (22 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,340,662 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

19 of 21 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A must-read, March 7, 2004

By 

popjunkie "popjunkie" (Atlanta, GA USA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Borderlines: A Memoir (Hardcover)

It is difficult to write a review on a memoir. One can choose to write about the merits of the writing itself; the arc of the "plot"; the "truthfulness" of the memories; the development of the "characters", etc., and while all are vital and necessary, in this review, I will just convey my own observations and reactions, for what its worth.

This season I have taken a self-chosen, crash course on Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). I am a layman in that my expertise in this topic is purely experiential. In spite of my research into all books relating to BPD, this book actually found me when I was browsing through the new releases at the book store. The title jumped out at me, then the blurbs and dust-jacket synopsis. I immediately purchased it and started reading that day.

Interestingly, this is not so much a life-as-case-study as it is a very personal account of the author's relationship with her family and with a woman named "Jane" who exhibits all of the traits of BPD. However, the book avoids any use of clinical jargon. I am an avid reader of the memoir genre, but this book reads differently from many other memoirs in that the author doesn't capitalize on unbelievable events or shocking characteristics of Jane. Kraus does not leave her own narrative to diagnose Jane or speculate what Jane is thinking. This meticulous care to stick to her truth makes this a fascinating tale of the descent a person who becomes invovled with a Borderline (the "non-BP"). This tactic is so refreshing because often the non-BP tends to paint a picture of being a complete victim. Kraus carefully articulates the choices that led her to become emeshed in the relationship, does not defend or deny her own culpability, and takes blame when it comes due. Kraus wisely, and thankfully for the reader, opts for full disclosure.

"Borderlines" has much to offer and should ideally reach a wide audience including those not involved with a person having BPD. It offers a universal portrait of the levels of survival to which a person will allow in order to not face loneliness or self-analyzation. It is also a suspenseful page-turner without ever capitalizing on the horrific or grotesque. Kraus poignantly shows how everyday life can sometimes be an acceptance and incorporation of absurd and self-deprecating actions. It is a vital entry into the emerging canon of memoirs, and a welcome addition to the "must-read" list of people affected by someone with BPD.

7 of 7 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars Courageous Memoir, July 30, 2004

By 

Jon Linden (Warren, N.J. United States) - See all my reviews
(VINE VOICE)    (REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Borderlines: A Memoir (Hardcover)

In Ms. Kraus' Memoir, she crafts a particularly well written recount of a personal experience that to most of us seems like a total nightmare. And in addition, she is courageous in her presentation. Not many have the courage to write for the world, that they were basically a somewhat bipolar individual with a huge identity crisis, but in fact, that is what Ms. Kraus has done.

With great aplomb, she depicts the essence of her relationship with her main character, and how it gave her both intense pleasure and the greatest of sorrows, the deepest of despairs. And in addition, brought Caroline to the very brink of total self-destruction.

But I do believe, that the book illustrates she has found the basic truth in Nietche's statement, "What Does Not Destroy Me Makes Me Stronger." The book is truly inspirational for all people in very difficult relationships, and allows the reader to deeply introspect, to understand Ms. Kraus' deep and emotional story.

9 of 10 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars The familiar, the chaos and the triumph-- 6 stars, March 7, 2004

By A Customer

This review is from: Borderlines: A Memoir (Hardcover)

What makes Kraus' book such an excellent book is it's ability to draw the reader into the familiar (establishment of an exciting relationship), the uncomfortable (the first signs of trouble), the tumultuous (complete chaos when the familiar is not what it appears to be), the struggle (the courage of a person fighting to regain their dignity) and the triumph.

When I read this book, I remembered another book of a relationship between two people, one from an upper middle class family, the other a beautiful intriguing young woman who turns out to have serious problems. The other book was Walker's Siren's Dance:

These are two excellent books talking about such a relationship. Borderline Personality affects 2% of the population. It affects all of the people who love them. Most people have never heard of this disorder. "Borderlines" by Kraus will go a long way to further expose this condition.

Kraus' book is an emotional roller-coaster that nails its subject matter. Well done author.