Customer Reviews

Borderlines: A Memoir

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It is difficult to write a review on a memoir. One can choose to write about the merits of the writing itself; the arc of the "plot"; the "truthfulness" of the memories; the development of the "characters", etc., and while all are vital and necessary, in this review, I will just convey my own observations and reactions, for what its worth.

This season I have taken a self-chosen, crash course on Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). I am a layman in that my expertise in this topic is purely experiential. In spite of my research into all books relating to BPD, this book actually found me when I was browsing through the new releases at the book store. The title jumped out at me, then the blurbs and dust-jacket synopsis. I immediately purchased it and started reading that day.

Interestingly, this is not so much a life-as-case-study as it is a very personal account of the author's relationship with her family and with a woman named "Jane" who exhibits all of the traits of BPD. However, the book avoids any use of clinical jargon. I am an avid reader of the memoir genre, but this book reads differently from many other memoirs in that the author doesn't capitalize on unbelievable events or shocking characteristics of Jane. Kraus does not leave her own narrative to diagnose Jane or speculate what Jane is thinking. This meticulous care to stick to her truth makes this a fascinating tale of the descent a person who becomes invovled with a Borderline (the "non-BP"). This tactic is so refreshing because often the non-BP tends to paint a picture of being a complete victim. Kraus carefully articulates the choices that led her to become emeshed in the relationship, does not defend or deny her own culpability, and takes blame when it comes due. Kraus wisely, and thankfully for the reader, opts for full disclosure.

"Borderlines" has much to offer and should ideally reach a wide audience including those not involved with a person having BPD. It offers a universal portrait of the levels of survival to which a person will allow in order to not face loneliness or self-analyzation. It is also a suspenseful page-turner without ever capitalizing on the horrific or grotesque. Kraus poignantly shows how everyday life can sometimes be an acceptance and incorporation of absurd and self-deprecating actions. It is a vital entry into the emerging canon of memoirs, and a welcome addition to the "must-read" list of people affected by someone with BPD.

In Ms. Kraus' Memoir, she crafts a particularly well written recount of a personal experience that to most of us seems like a total nightmare. And in addition, she is courageous in her presentation. Not many have the courage to write for the world, that they were basically a somewhat bipolar individual with a huge identity crisis, but in fact, that is what Ms. Kraus has done.

With great aplomb, she depicts the essence of her relationship with her main character, and how it gave her both intense pleasure and the greatest of sorrows, the deepest of despairs. And in addition, brought Caroline to the very brink of total self-destruction.

But I do believe, that the book illustrates she has found the basic truth in Nietche's statement, "What Does Not Destroy Me Makes Me Stronger." The book is truly inspirational for all people in very difficult relationships, and allows the reader to deeply introspect, to understand Ms. Kraus' deep and emotional story.

What makes Kraus' book such an excellent book is it's ability to draw the reader into the familiar (establishment of an exciting relationship), the uncomfortable (the first signs of trouble), the tumultuous (complete chaos when the familiar is not what it appears to be), the struggle (the courage of a person fighting to regain their dignity) and the triumph.

When I read this book, I remembered another book of a relationship between two people, one from an upper middle class family, the other a beautiful intriguing young woman who turns out to have serious problems. The other book was Walker's Siren's Dance:

These are two excellent books talking about such a relationship. Borderline Personality affects 2% of the population. It affects all of the people who love them. Most people have never heard of this disorder. "Borderlines" by Kraus will go a long way to further expose this condition.

Kraus' book is an emotional roller-coaster that nails its subject matter. Well done author.

Still grieving over her mother's death, a vulnerable young woman leaves her home in St. Louis to assert her independence out West. There she befriends a bookstore co-worker, Jane, who turns out to be a most unfortunate choice for a companion.

And so begins Caroline Kraus' nightmarish saga. "Borderlines" reads like a suspense novel, despite being a non-fiction memoir. Unlike many tales of female friendships, this one never gets boring, and in fact the reader will invariably press on, thinking "What next?". Thankfully, Ms. Kraus includes an epilogue which brings us somewhat up to date on her life, as by then the reader sincerely wants to know.

Jane, it turns out, exhibits a "Borderline Personality Disorder", though there is nothing clinical or psychobabbly about Ms. Kraus' book. Jane's relationship with the hapless Caroline is simply bewildering. She appears to have a strange stranglehood on not only Caroline, but others as well at one time or another. While as a reader it can be frustrating to not understand why Ms. Kraus doesn't just take the first opportunity to escape from Jane, upon more careful examination one may empathize with Caroline's dilemma. Her story also provides the reader with much to speculate on regarding the nature of human relationships in general. Ms. Kraus is very insightful and intuitive, and with the help of a no-nonsense therapist, survives her ordeal, which she relates without self-pity.

"Borderlines" is an intriguing story, and one I can easily recommend to those with an interest in extraordinary human relationships.

This memoir is a page-turner, like the cat-and-mouse of a Hitchcock movie or a murder mystery. I assumed Caroline would survive her convoluted relationship with Jane, but had to keep reading to find out how. The effortless beauty and immediacy of her prose and her subtle psychological insights were compelling. Highly recommended.

Overall, this is a great book. Caroline Kraus is (for the most part) unflinchingly honest in describing how she entered into, lived through, and finally escaped a relationship with Jane (who has borderline personality disorder). In some ways, it's frustrating--lots of people notice that Jane is "bad news," and Caroline ignores them all; Jane does horrible things to Caroline (the *least* of which is driving her deeply into debt) and everyone but Caroline realizes that there is a problem. Caroline is, however, very clear about showing us just how mixed-up she was--she does not blame everything that happened on Jane, but acknowledges that in some ways she sought out and clung to Jane just as Jane sought out and clung to her. Like others, I did find the link between Caroline's "drift" after her mother's death and her fixation with Jane to be a little hazy--I kept feeling as though Caroline was leaving something out that might have made things clearer. Nonetheless, her narrative is overall so honest that I can't help but be impressed that she was willing to share this story with the world. If nothing else, this book took a lot of courage, and I'm glad that I read it.

I have just finished reading this book. It is amazing that a woman as young as Ms. Kraus can have such insight and wisdom about this horrific experience. The incidents of childhood deprivation, sexual and emotional abuse, loss, trauma, unresolved grief and other tragedies of life converge and elicit this dark and almost hopeless memoir. It is a testament to the strength of the human spirit that the author was able to extract herself from this emotional vice and proceed to process the experience. Out of it was born a masterpiece. If those suspectible to this seduction can heed her wisdom and are thereby spared an agony beyond comprehension, Ms. Kraus will not have suffered in vain. Many thanks.

This book was a page turner. Kraus so clearly stacks the deck against Jane from the beginning that one reads the book with a constant sense of dread and foreboding. Although that added to the suspensefullness of the book, I felt that it detracted from the complexity of the relationship. I only wish that Kraus had been able to articulate Jane's loveliness as well as she articulated her dark side. The fact that Jane possessed both qualities is what makes her such an interesting character. For the flip side of a very similar relationship, I highly recommend Truth and Beauty by Ann Patchett.

A compelling story about going under, struggling to breathe, and finally resurfacing. Who hasn't become untethered, reeled from a devastating loss, endured a toxic relationship? Kraus recounts her own experience with unflinching honesty, but the themes are universal. This is not a "poor me" tale. The author takes full responsibility for her behavior and complicity in the unraveling of her young life. Readers will pick up this memoir and find themselves gliding along a truly literary work. An amazing debut by Kraus.

This memoir perfectly encapsulates what it is like to be in a relationship with someone who has borderline personality disorder. I don't recall if Jane actually was ever diagnosed, but based on my research and personal experience, I believe this is what Jane suffered from. It starts out innocently enough, and over time, Caroline and Jane's relationship twists into something unrecognizable. The recounting is intense and dizzying, familiar and unforgettable. While there are no answers, no easy explanations for what happened, or how it started, it is a must-read in my opinion. It will leave you haunted and disoriented.