I'm going to start things off on an uncharacteristic note. I'll talk about the actual movie "Born to Ride" in a bit, but I find it necessary to address the inherent misrepresentation of the DVD packaging first. For good or bad, this B-movie is what it is--but one thing it is not is a hardcore biker epic. The cover art on the DVD is designed to evoke a completely different movie. On the cover, there's a busty biker babe holding a shotgun with two nasty looking characters in the background. On the back, there is a team of bikers equipped with fire arms--one is even shooting while driving. While colorful and hard edged, these images do not represent ANYTHING even resembling the content of the film. It is not about renegade bikers and there are no armed and dangerous riders. The central characters just happen to be a part of the biker community--but the movie really isn't about that. To further distort the truth of the movie, its tag line is "Anarchy Is Their Middle Name" (clearly an effort to draw parallels to the much more authentic feeling TV show "Sons of Anarchy"). But once again, the characters are law abiding and rather respectful. Anarchy? Huh?
If you watch this, and I don't recommend it, you'll see exactly what I mean. The lead characters are played by Casper Van Dien as a sensitive biker with daddy issues and Patrick Muldoon in full surfer dude persona. These aren't rough and tumble types at all. The film has several plot threads, the most significant involves a corrupt politician. He is involved in some vaguely nefarious dealings with bad guy William Forsythe. Want more explanation than that? You won't get it in this sketchy screenplay. When two low level hoods try to blackmail the congressman, they end up on the wrong side of this very bad man. They drop the evidence used in the blackmail in Muldoon's bag, and before you know it--Forythe's comedic henchman are in hot pursuit. They might have just as easily put the tape in a girl scout's satchel and called the movie "Born to Sell Cookies"--that's how thinly drawn the plot is.
Really, it's all rather harmless. It's not funny or campy enough to be a guilty pleasure. Theresa Russell does the best she can as Van Dien's mother, and both the boys are pleasant and engaging. The film, however, is an unqualified disaster in my mind for one reason--the lazy screenplay. Just as you've followed the silliness to the inevitable confrontation--you get nothing. Zero. The biggest tease and most pointless conclusion you're likely to see. Heck, it's not even a conclusion--it's so unforgivably anticlimactic. It invalidates and dismisses everything that you've spent the movie watching. Did the budget run out? Ultimately, the film is so unfocused and so random and so meaningless. I wish I could say this was any kind of fun, but the ending dissolved any trace of good will I had left. Maybe you'll like it better than I--just know beforehand that it is rather lightweight and totally misrepresented by its marketing. KGHarris, 7/11.