Customer Reviews

Born to Win: Transactional Analysis with Gestalt Experiments

5 star:		(22)
4 star:		(3)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(0)
1 star:		(2)

 

 

There are a plethora of books in the self help section, and sometimes you don't know which ones are really helpful or not... This book is a classic. It was written in 1971, and unlike many texts of that time, it is still fresh, interesting and relevant. It's written in an easy, jargon free language, which has at its heart a depth and genuine empathic concern for people and their journies.

The techniques they apply are based on the transactional analysis model developed by Eric Berne, but don't worry, you don't have to know any thing about that - the book explains itself beautifully.

The main reason I love it is that it is filled with exercises that you can do by yourself, or share with a partner, about who you are and how you relate to things. It has excellent, simple exercises that open you up to examining childhood influnces, parental attitudes and current behaviour patterns in an illuminating, non-judgemental way.

If you are interested in learning a bit more about yourself, or if you have behaviour patterns that are troubling you and aren't sure where they come from, this is a great place to start.

I've given this book frequently as a gift (adolescents love it!) and I always get lovely feedback. I would definitely recommend this book ahead of a host of others that are out there.

We all instinctively seem to categorize everyone we meet (including ourselves) as a Winner or a Loser. We may not necessarily share our opinions with others, but we still constantly judge everyone and everything. Judgement is necessary for us to make everyday decisions on situations we run into but there may NOT be a need to place a positive or negative value on the judgements. This seems to be the unexpressed basis behind the book's methods to help us achieve our potential of a Winner that we were born to be.

The authors in this book start by defining Winners and Losers and present the two tools available in the early seventies to change oneself into a Winner. These two tools are Gestalt Therapy and Transactional Analysis. Gestalt Therapy was introduced by Dr. Frederick Perls and focuses on making ourselves into a whole in order to be a Winner. Transactional Analysis was brought to us by Dr. Eric Berne and focuses on understanding our interactions with others and what drives these interactions. He also delves into how these interactions (transactions) can go haywire and lead to problems in relationships.

After introducing the ideas in the above paragraph in Chapter 1, the book goes into an overview of Transactional Analysis by modeling the different parts of our personalities into three ego states - Parent, Adult and Child. ...

This is of course a simplification of the theory and the book spends an incredible amount of time addressing how these three sides to our personalities can interact with these same three ego states in another individual and all the things that can go wrong along the way and how to fix them. The process of getting these three ego states to work together is where Gestalt Therapy comes in. There are numerous exercises to help one's transformation but I kind of felt shy when I was 19 to do this with anyone else. I felt like it was bad enough that I knew I needed help but I didn't want it to get worse by publishing to the world what my problems were. I don't feel this way anymore so I would recommend that everyone who plans on using this book decide for themselves the approach that works best for them...

This is a book to own for a lifetime and refer to once every few years to see how much one has succeeded in having a more integrated personality. When I recently read this book for a third time, I definitely felt that it was a lot easier to comprehend and use than I did the first two times. The best thing about the theory in this book is that it is very easy to understand and relate to....I hope that after reading this book, you too increase your self-confidence and self-esteem. Good luck in becoming more of a Winner!

I have yet to give 5 stars to a book because, in my view, a 5 star book is one I would recommend to everyone. My holding back a star on this book is merely because it is presented in a "self-help" format. There's great stuff in this book, without a doubt. But some people -- perhaps the ones who may need to know about transactional analysis the most -- are not so open to exercises that are "touchy-feely."
My interest in transactional analysis (TA) is from an organization development point of view. For anyone who has ever worked in an organization, to say it can be dysfunctional is an understatement. Wouldn't it be nice if there was a roadmap that everyone can follow where all interactions could be pleasant and productive? Well, there is such a roadmap. TA is brilliant in presenting, somewhat simply, the different states from which we communicate (transact) and how some just don't work.
If you've ever tried to read the writings of Eric Berne, the originator of TA, it is very hard to follow. This is where Born To Win shines. It has done a beautiful job of distilling the essence and presenting it in the most comprehensive way. Reading this book will allow you to recognize the games people are playing, ones you're caught up in or maybe even those you've initiated.
The authors posit that losers manipulate others to live up to their expectations while winners assume responsibilty for their lives while fully respecting the uniqueness of others'. This book is a great manual for realizing the ultimate goal of TA -- to reach full autonomy by throwing off patterns not relevant to the here and now.

If this work isn't your first psychology book, hold off. The book is targeted for a general reader. For regular readers of psych books, you will be slightly disappointed from the simplicity of the material. The authors tried, but did not integrate both Transactional Analysis and Gestalt Therapy, to its fullest (but what do I know). In my personal opinion, Transactional Analysis and Psychodrama/Psychotherapy would've been more of an interesting combination to pursue. To sum it up, it's a fun read, and a somewhat educational book. Enjoy.

We all behave in ways that mystify us. There are those times when we find ourselves hypercritical and judgmental, or profoundly nurturing, or consumed with anger far out of proportion to the provocation, or able to reason with insight and dispassion. From whence come these vastly different responses to the triggers of life?

Born To Win provides a vivid and compelling journey through the emotional (ego) states that are invoked by life events. The authors conceptualize these emotional (ego) states through the hypothetical construct suggested by Eric Berne, M.D. (Games People Play). In the "Parent" state, we are judgmental or nurturing; in the "Adult" state, rational and analytical; in the "Child" state, impulsive and playful or angry and hurt. The authors demonstrate how our emotional responses to life events arise out of these three ego states.

Each ego state has an appropriate time and place. Often, however, our inappropriate or self-defeating emotional responses occur because we have been overprogrammed by aversive early life events to respond from one ego state when another would be far more adaptive. Recognizing the inappropriate ego state and making the transition to the more proper ego state vastly improves the quality of one's life (e.g., responding to constructive criticism as a rational Adult instead of as a petulant Child).

We are all "born to win" and can do so when we learn to respond to life events from the proper ego state. Born To Win is an invaluable contribution to the cause of mental health.

I read this book in the mid-1970s when I was a confused mid-twenty something. After reading this book I had the drive and courage to accomplish many goals I had previously thought were only dreams. I have recently decided to give this book to my 18 year old daughter, who is a senior in high school and frightened by the life ahead of her. I hope it works as well for her as it did for me. (If I can get her to read the book with an open and accepting attitude.)

"Born to Win " , is a book I read 20 years back , & have kept going back to ever since. It is an insight into the inner self of a person , without a whole lot of technical jargon .Its fun reading, with a whole lot of telling-it-all pictures , stories , anecdotes. It stays simple , which is very difficult when the subject is technical.Its a great gift to a confused teenager, a groping adult, a troubled parent or just about anybody. Make sure you have your own copy .

Excellent practical guide to intimacy and authentic, spontaneous living. e.e. cummings quote at the conclusion sums it up: "to be nobody-but-yourself in a world thats doing its best, night and day, to make you like everybody else
means to fight the hardest battle any human being can fight
and to never stop fighting"

This book is a true product of genius! I highly recommend it. In an era of "positive thinking" and pop psychology, one thing you don't hear talked often enough about, as the authors do in this book, is that if you don't investigate what is your "life script", positive thinking & other quick-fixes are all just band-aides. According to the authors, written approximately 30 years ago, we adhere to our script, mostly unconsciously. We are "set" to return to our original psychological position and our script is almost like a spell. The good news is that by bringing our script to our awareness, we can begin to make different choices and to change our belief system. Most of our problems, our pathology, our unnecessary suffering, has to do with receiving messages that are very far away from our original potential/authentic self (pg. 104). This book will guide you with brilliance, compassion, and based on evidence-based practice. The authors have done humanity a great favor. I hope you benefit from it, as I have.

I have a degree in counseling with a minor in psychology. Through the years I have read and studied many psychology books and texts. This is one I consistently come back to and I think that says a lot. For a layman's understanding of basic human behavior, I have only found one other book that has been as useful (Talking to Yourself - Pamela Butler).