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Boundaries in Dating: How Healthy Choices Grow Healthy Relationships Paperback – February 21, 2000
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Top Customer Reviews
In Part 1, the authors recommend the approach of "taking God on a date" with you. They encourage requiring and embodying truth in dating relationships, guard against repeating the past, and remind that "dating won't cure a lonely heart," for that role belongs to God. (Additional spiritual reading, such as Henri J. M. Nouwen's "The Inner Voice of Love," support the theme of addressing needs and loneliness from a spiritual perspective as a foundation to addressing them from a relational perspective.) Part 2 examines character discernment of one's dating partner, and Part 3 examines self-reflection, particularly the issues of clinging to false hope (when a dating partner's actions don't support stated intentions) and the role of blame. Part 3 is particularly valuable in assigning responsibilities to roles in the dating relationship, sorting out what's your responsibility and what responsibility lies with your dating partner.
Chapter 17, "Set Appropriate Physical Limits," is the best discussion I've ever read on the long-term, destructive effect of premarital sex on our emotional, spiritual, and relational well-being. Far more than being merely prohibitive, it examines deeply the importance of delaying self-gratification.Read more ›
Drs. Cloud and Townsend wrote "Boundaries in Dating" in part to rebut the book "I Kissed Dating Goodbye," by Joshua Harris. While they applaud Mr. Harris' intention to help people forsake sin and find a good spouse, they are skeptical of his anti-dating conclusions. The authors claim that character, and not a method, is the real key to finding a quality partner. If you have good character, then any matchmaking methodology will work. However, if you have relational problems or are a bad person, then no method will overcome these handicaps. Indeed, one who is deficient in character but skilled in manipulation may corrupt a method for his or her advantage. I've seen too many peers who jumped through all the typical Christian pre-wedding hoops, only to wind up divorced or in troubled marriages.
The authors acknowledge that most folks have hang-ups that make romance difficult. And unfortunately, there are wolves in sheep's clothing that must be avoided. Therefore, boundaries are a necessary part of a healthy dating relationship. "Boundaries in Dating" describes where boundaries are needed, ways to set them, and how to enforce the consequences when they are violated. Some complain that boundaries are a way to control other people. However, the authors view them as tools that reveal good character or uncover impure motives.Read more ›
I went in search of a resource to clarify things for both my daughter and myself. I found this book and read it first before giving it to my daughter (no need to set her up for more confusion!) This book gives a wonderful and clear outline on the purposes and values of dating. It is biblically-based and sound in its information. My daughter is about halfway through reading it and as we discuss it, she is constantly saying, "now this makes sense". I especially appreciate the empasis placed on the issue of maturity in dating and how God can use dating (if done within His boundaries) to grow her into a mature Christian woman who will have the ability to make a wise decision when the time comes for her to marry.
She plans to share this book with all of her friends!
God used this book for me to want the best for the other person inspite of the discomfort i was feeling denying my flesh from getting its way. Or should i say from doing the things i had always done which ended up no where. My flesh was fighting this new thing, this new method. it was a fight, it hurt but i made it by the grace of God and i see how God was protecting me all the way as well.
It really allowed me to love my self enough and not inflict self harm to my heart pretending or in some cases ignoring the facts coz of fear of being alone. By the grace of God i tackled and confronted things i would have just buried and become bitter about. i feel so free and i really feel like i deserve true love and an honest relationshop because i have set the tone for how i want the relatioship i will be in, to be. i hope this review helps you. The book keeps it real and is well balanced, just like Jesus is
GOD TAUGHT ME, THAT WHAT IS BEST FOR THE MAN I LOVE NOW WILL BE BEST FOR ME IN THE LONG RUN. This temporary discomfort cant compare to the joy we will share because of the boudaries we put up not to hinder us but to protect us.
Most Recent Customer Reviews
I've been reading through a slew of dating books lately, and this one was a welcome surprise.
Not only did the authors take exception to Joshua Harris' "I kissed... Read more
I like this book. This is my second time reading this book and it's an excellent readPublished 1 month ago by shoeista
This is really a great book to help you look at yourself and make changes. It helped me to recognize some of my own shortcomings. Read morePublished 1 month ago by Jenia in Atlanta
All of the "boundaries" books are great and will teach you how to protect your heart. Recommend!Published 1 month ago by tnjc
I love this book. Although a number of other reviewers mentioned the book just points out common sense, common sense isn't really common. Read morePublished 1 month ago by R Peacock