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Comment: The item shows wear from consistent use, but it remains in good condition and works perfectly. All pages and cover are intact (including the dust cover, if applicable). Spine may show signs of wear. Pages may include limited notes and highlighting. May include "From the library of" labels.
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Boundaries in Dating: How Healthy Choices Grow Healthy Relationships Paperback – February 21, 2000

4.5 out of 5 stars 332 customer reviews

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Editorial Reviews

From the Publisher

Dating can be fun, but it's not easy. Meeting people is just one concern. Once you've met someone, then what? What do you build? Nothing, a simple friendship, or more? How do you set smart limits on physical involvement? Financial involvement? Individual responsibilities? Respected counselors, popular radio hosts, and best-selling authors Henry Cloud and John Townsend apply the principles described in their Gold Medallion Award-winning Boundaries to matters of love and romance. Helping readers bridge the pitfalls of dating, Boundaries in Dating unfolds a wise, biblical path to developing self-control, freedom, and intimacy in the dating process. Boundaries in Dating helps singles to think, solve problems, and enjoy the benefits of dating to the hilt, increasing their abilities to find and commit to a marriage partner. Liberally illustrated with insightful, true-life examples, this much-needed book includes such topics as: Sins You Can Live With--Recognizing and choosing quality over perfection in a dating partner - Don't Fall in Love with Someone You Wouldn't Be Friends With--How to ensure that honest friendship is one vital component in a relationship - Don't Screw Up a Friendship Out of Loneliness--Preserving friendships by separating between platonic relationships and romantic interest - Kiss False Hope Good-Bye--Moving past denial to deal with real relational problems in a realistic and hopeful way . . . and much more.

From the Author

Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend are popular speakers, licensed psychologists, co-hosts of the nationally broadcast New Life Live! radio program, and co-founders of Cloud/Townsend, Inc. Both graduated with doctorates in clinical psychology from Rosemead Graduate School of Psychology, and both maintain private practices in Newport Beach, CA. They are best-selling coauthors of several books, including Boundaries with Kids, The Mom Factor, Safe People, Twelve “Christian” Beliefs that Can Drive You Crazy, and the Gold Medallion Award-winning Boundaries. Dr. Cloud is the author of Changes that Heal and Dr. Townsend is the author of Hiding from Love. CloudTownsend.co
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 280 pages
  • Publisher: Zondervan; 1 edition (March 1, 2000)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0310200342
  • ISBN-13: 978-0310200345
  • Product Dimensions: 5.5 x 0.8 x 8.5 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 10.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (332 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #5,235 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Top Customer Reviews

Format: Paperback
"Boundaries in Dating" is a guide toward dating intentionally, intended for those who wish to have some spiritual guidance in their dating relationships. It helps to answer in part questions that should be a part of any dating relationship: where is God in all of this, and what role does God play in our dating relationship? How do I reflect God's values in my approach toward dating?
In Part 1, the authors recommend the approach of "taking God on a date" with you. They encourage requiring and embodying truth in dating relationships, guard against repeating the past, and remind that "dating won't cure a lonely heart," for that role belongs to God. (Additional spiritual reading, such as Henri J. M. Nouwen's "The Inner Voice of Love," support the theme of addressing needs and loneliness from a spiritual perspective as a foundation to addressing them from a relational perspective.) Part 2 examines character discernment of one's dating partner, and Part 3 examines self-reflection, particularly the issues of clinging to false hope (when a dating partner's actions don't support stated intentions) and the role of blame. Part 3 is particularly valuable in assigning responsibilities to roles in the dating relationship, sorting out what's your responsibility and what responsibility lies with your dating partner.
Chapter 17, "Set Appropriate Physical Limits," is the best discussion I've ever read on the long-term, destructive effect of premarital sex on our emotional, spiritual, and relational well-being. Far more than being merely prohibitive, it examines deeply the importance of delaying self-gratification.
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Format: Paperback
Many Christian authors insist that courting or betrothal systems are God's way for us to avoid pain and find a "soul mate." These methods are often based on a dubious patchwork of Bible verses or an adaptation of Old Testament cultural norms. We can learn from the past, but duplicating it is not the answer. For those Christians who live in 21st century culture and deal with age-old relational issues, "Boundaries in Dating" is a practical resource.

Drs. Cloud and Townsend wrote "Boundaries in Dating" in part to rebut the book "I Kissed Dating Goodbye," by Joshua Harris. While they applaud Mr. Harris' intention to help people forsake sin and find a good spouse, they are skeptical of his anti-dating conclusions. The authors claim that character, and not a method, is the real key to finding a quality partner. If you have good character, then any matchmaking methodology will work. However, if you have relational problems or are a bad person, then no method will overcome these handicaps. Indeed, one who is deficient in character but skilled in manipulation may corrupt a method for his or her advantage. I've seen too many peers who jumped through all the typical Christian pre-wedding hoops, only to wind up divorced or in troubled marriages.

The authors acknowledge that most folks have hang-ups that make romance difficult. And unfortunately, there are wolves in sheep's clothing that must be avoided. Therefore, boundaries are a necessary part of a healthy dating relationship. "Boundaries in Dating" describes where boundaries are needed, ways to set them, and how to enforce the consequences when they are violated. Some complain that boundaries are a way to control other people. However, the authors view them as tools that reveal good character or uncover impure motives.
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Format: Paperback
My Christian teenage daugher has many Christain friends who have bought TOTALLY into the book "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" by Josh Harris. One of them gave the book to her in order (I think) to set her straight. She is a very bright, fun, thoughtful young lady who has dated and had some very good experiences with it and also rough experiences. She and I both read the book and discussed it together. It left her very distressed. She was made to feel like dating was a sin and yet, she couldn't really understand (Biblically) why. I, too, was very bothered by the legalistic approach of that book.
I went in search of a resource to clarify things for both my daughter and myself. I found this book and read it first before giving it to my daughter (no need to set her up for more confusion!) This book gives a wonderful and clear outline on the purposes and values of dating. It is biblically-based and sound in its information. My daughter is about halfway through reading it and as we discuss it, she is constantly saying, "now this makes sense". I especially appreciate the empasis placed on the issue of maturity in dating and how God can use dating (if done within His boundaries) to grow her into a mature Christian woman who will have the ability to make a wise decision when the time comes for her to marry.
She plans to share this book with all of her friends!
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This book is great. The bible says a something about a city without walls or a person with no restraint is like a city without walls, that can be easily beseiged.or in other words any one can just come in and out of your ife and reeck havoc. This book gave me the courage to stand for what i always knew i wanted in a relationship but was afraid of loosing the person if i said anything. i always thought i would be the one loosing out but instead i have discovered that is it was a test of my love for the other person, causing me to have the courage to face the truth of the situation and hold my ground, while still respecting the other person in love and a spirit of truth.

God used this book for me to want the best for the other person inspite of the discomfort i was feeling denying my flesh from getting its way. Or should i say from doing the things i had always done which ended up no where. My flesh was fighting this new thing, this new method. it was a fight, it hurt but i made it by the grace of God and i see how God was protecting me all the way as well.

It really allowed me to love my self enough and not inflict self harm to my heart pretending or in some cases ignoring the facts coz of fear of being alone. By the grace of God i tackled and confronted things i would have just buried and become bitter about. i feel so free and i really feel like i deserve true love and an honest relationshop because i have set the tone for how i want the relatioship i will be in, to be. i hope this review helps you. The book keeps it real and is well balanced, just like Jesus is

GOD TAUGHT ME, THAT WHAT IS BEST FOR THE MAN I LOVE NOW WILL BE BEST FOR ME IN THE LONG RUN. This temporary discomfort cant compare to the joy we will share because of the boudaries we put up not to hinder us but to protect us.
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