Boundaries Face to Face [Abridged, Audiobook] [Audio CD]

Henry Cloud (Author), John Townsend (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: December 23, 2003

A practical handbook on positive confrontation by the authors of the award-winning and best-selling Boundaries Successful people confront well. They know that setting healthy boundaries improves relationships. They have discovered that uncomfortable---even dangerous---situations can often be avoided or resolved through direct conversation. But most of us don't know how to go about having difficult conversations. We see confrontation as scary or adversarial. We're afraid to ask a boss for a raise or talk to a relative about a drinking problem, or even address a relational conflict with a spouse or someone we are dating. In Boundaries Face to Face authors Cloud and Townsend take the principles from their best-selling book Boundaries and apply them to a variety of the most common difficult situations and relationships. * Explains why confrontation is essential in all arenas of life * Shows how healthy confrontation can improve relationships * Presents the essentials of a good boundary-setting conversation * Provides tips on how to prepare for the conversation * Shows how to tell people what you want, how to stop bad behavior, and how to deal with counterattack * Gives actual examples of conversations to have with your spouse, your date, your kids, your coworker, your boss, your parents, and more From the Book Sometimes people get confused in a confrontation because the other person gets them off track. If that happens, remember this formula. Empathize with their feelings or position, and return to your issue. Here's an example. Joe: 'I can't believe you were offended by my comments. You joke around more than anyone here. That's pretty hypocritical.' You: 'I understand it's hard for you to see, and I'm glad you meant it as a joke and weren't trying to be hurtful. What I'm telling you, though, and what I don't want you to miss, is how it affected me. It hurt me and I don't want to be talked to like that.'

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Drs. Cloud and Townsend, whose book "Boundaries" sold more than a million copies and won a Gold Medallion award, have established a Boundaries franchise with niche titles on boundaries in marriage, dating and parenting. This book continues the flourishing series, with advice on conflict resolution and cultivating mutual respect. "Successful people confront well," the authors observe, laying out tools for readers to stop simply avoiding conflict and start having productive, loving confrontations. Their advice for such conversations is familiar: listen actively; clarify the problem; affirm the other person; acknowledge your own part in the problem; and commit to being an agent for change. The second half of the book offers practical, hands-on advice for preparing for and having a difficult conversation, complete with specific suggestions of what to say--and what not to say. The Bible is used as a resource throughout, but not in a heavy-handed way, making this a valuable self-help manual for people from many walks of life.
Copyright 2003 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

From the Back Cover

A practical handbook on positive confrontation by the authors of the award-winning and best-selling Boundaries

Successful people confront well. They know that setting healthy boundaries improves relationships. They have discovered that uncomfortable—even dangerous—situations can often be avoided or resolved through direct conversation. But most of us don’t know how to go about having difficult conversations. We see confrontation as scary or adversarial. We’re afraid to ask a boss for a raise or talk to a relative about a drinking problem, or even address a relational conflict with a spouse or someone we are dating.

In Boundaries Face to Face authors Cloud and Townsend take the principles from their best-selling book Boundaries and apply them to a variety of the most common difficult situations and relationships.

• Explains why confrontation is essential in all arenas of life • Shows how healthy confrontation can improve relationships • Presents the essentials of a good boundary-setting conversation • Provides tips on how to prepare for the conversation • Shows how to tell people what you want, how to stop bad behavior, and how to deal with counterattack • Gives actual examples of conversations to have with your spouse, your date, your kids, your coworker, your boss, your parents, and more

From the Book

Sometimes people get confused in a confrontation because the other person gets them off track. If that happens, remember this formula.

Empathize with their feelings or position, and return to your issue.

Here’s an example.

Joe: "I can’t believe you were offended by my comments. You joke around more than anyone here. That’s pretty hypocritical."

You: "I understand it’s hard for you to see, and I’m glad you meant it as a joke and weren’t trying to be hurtful. What I’m telling you, though, and what I don’t want you to miss, is how it affected me. It hurt me and I don’t want to be talked to like that."

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Reading level: Ages 18 and up
  
• Audio CD
• Publisher: Zondervan; Abridged edition (December 23, 2003)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 031025406X
• ISBN-13: 978-0310254065
• Product Dimensions: 6.1 x 5.1 x 0.8 inches
• Shipping Weight: 2.7 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 4.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (6 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #2,083,758 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Dr. Cloud is a leadership consultant, best-selling author, and speaker whose books have sold well over 5 million copies. He consults and speaks for companies and organizations in the area of leadership and performance, and is highly regarded for his ability to connect personal and interpersonal development with the needs of business.
He is a clinical psychologist and leadership consultant with a unique ability to connect with audiences. Drawing upon his broad range of experiences in private practice, leadership consulting, and media, he simplifies life's issues and gives easy to understand, practical advice. It's Dr. Cloud's humor, compassion and "in the moment" confrontation that make his approach to psychology, business and spirituality such a success.
Dr. Cloud has written, or co-written, more than twenty books, including the two-million-seller Boundaries and his most recent books, Necessary Endings, Integrity, The One Life Solution, The Law of Happiness and 9 Things You Simply Must Do. His books have sold over five million copies. His works have been reviewed and featured by such publications as The New York Times, The Wall St. Journal, The Boston Globe, The Los Angeles Times and many others. Dr. Cloud co-hosts the nationally syndicated radio program New Life Live, which is heard in over 180 markets.
As a speaker, he is a favorite at corporate events, conventions, and public arena events on a variety of topics, speaking regularly through the U.S. and internationally.
In his consulting practice, he works with leaders in a wide range of organizations and corporations, from family help firms to Fortune 25 and Fortune 500 companies. He has an extensive executive coaching background and experience as an organizational and leadership consultant, spending the majority of his hands-on time with CEOs and executive teams.
Dr. Cloud founded and built a health care company which operated treatment centers in forty markets in the Western U.S. for which he served as Clinical Director for ten years. In that context of hands-on clinical experience, he developed and researched many of the treatment principles and methods that he communicates to audiences now. After selling the company, he devoted his time to consulting and coaching, spreading principles of hope and life-change through speaking, writing and media.
He is a graduate of Southern Methodist University, earning a B.S. in psychology with honors. He completed his Ph.D. in clinical psychology at Biola University, and his clinical internship at Los Angeles County Department of Mental Health. His philanthropic interests lie in the area of homelessness and the inner city, as well as missions in the developing world. He lives in Los Angeles with his wife, Tori, and their two daughters, Olivia and Lucy.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

41 of 42 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars very practical and useful, June 24, 2004

By A Customer

This review is from: Boundaries Face to Face: How to Have That Difficult Conversation You've Been Avoiding (Hardcover)

This is a very useful, practical book on one of the most difficult areas of relationships: how to have open, productive, constructive conversations about relationship problems. The authors outline the benefits of a good confrontational conversation and then explain how to distinguish your real purpose for wanting to talk to someone, how to confront in a way that balances grace and truth, how to stay on-topic when discussing a hard issue with someone, and why and how to get ready in advance for difficult conversations. These down-to-earth practical skills, accompanied by many examples and case studies, are extremely helpful.

The last section of the book has separate chapters on how to engage in difficult conversations with parents, children, people in authority, spouses, etc. The omission of a chapter on friends is the only real fault I find with the book; I think people often have difficulties dealing with friend issues and some attention to this would have been extremely useful.

Overall, an excellent resource that provides encouragement and practical advice to anyone who has been putting off talking to someone about a difficult matter.

16 of 19 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Speaking the truth in love, May 19, 2005

By 

Jim (Pittsburgh, PA USA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Boundaries Face to Face: How to Have That Difficult Conversation You've Been Avoiding (Hardcover)

This book is a wonderful supplement to Boundaries! For those who are involved in learning how to set and live by boundaries, Boundaries Face to Face gives practical ways of handling inevitable challenges to your newly established boundaries. As always Drs. Cloud and Townsend explain their points from a Biblical perspective and they help their readers grow by challenging us to focus our attention upon the importance of the relationships we share with Christ and others. Since relationships are so vital to the Christian life, particularly in regards to spiritual growth, this book gives exemplary examples of how to mix grace with truth in our conservations so that we can speak the truth in love even in the midst of difficult conversations.

10 of 12 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Best "Boundaries" Follow-Up So Far!, August 18, 2006

By 

David R. Bess (Charleston, WV) - See all my reviews
(VINE VOICE)    (REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Boundaries Face to Face: How to Have That Difficult Conversation You've Been Avoiding (Hardcover)

Many people would think by now the authors had gotten all the mileage possible from the "Boundaries" theme. After writing a best-selling book by the same title and a number of follow-ups, surely there is nothing left to cover. Cloud and Townsend here however, hit another home run by providing precious insights on how to have difficult conversations with the people around us, confronting others with the truth in Christian love. I won't go into detail with all the many positive aspects of this title -- I just realize as a pastor who has dealt with difficult people situations for over 25 years, this book is a God-send. I wish I had read it years ago.

I've read all of the "Boundaries" titles that build upon the original, and this one is the best of them. If you haven't read "Boundaries", read it then read this book. If you have read "Boundaries" then this volume is the one to read next. Obviously, I recommend it highly.