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Boundaries with Teens: When to Say Yes, How to Say No Hardcover – January 31, 2006


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Product Details

  • Hardcover: 288 pages
  • Publisher: Zondervan; New edition edition (January 31, 2006)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0310259576
  • ISBN-13: 978-0310259572
  • Product Dimensions: 9.2 x 6.7 x 1 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 1.2 pounds
  • Average Customer Review: 4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (95 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #87,357 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews

From the Back Cover

The teen years—relationships, peer pressure, school, dating, character. To help teenagers grow into healthy adults, parents and youth workers need to teach them how to take responsibility for their behavior, their values, and their lives. The coauthor of the Gold Medallion Award-winning book Boundaries and the father of two teenage boys brings his biblically based principles to bear on the challenging task of the teen years, showing parents: How to bring control to an out-of-control family life How to set limits and still be loving parents How to define legitimate boundaries for the family How to instill in teens a godly character In this exciting new book, Dr. Townsend gives important keys for establishing healthy boundaries—the bedrock of good relationships, maturity, safety, and growth for teens and the adults in their lives. The book offers help in raising your teens to take responsibility for their actions, attitudes, and emotions. --This text refers to the Paperback edition.

About the Author

Dr. John Townsend is a psychologist, popular speaker, and cohost of the nationally broadcast New Life Live! Radio program, and a cofounder of Cloud-Townsend clinic and Cloud-Townsend Resources. His best-selling books include the Gold Medallion Award-winning Boundaries. Website: www.drtownsend.com Blog: facebook.com/drjohntownsend SPANISH BIO: Dr. John Townsend -- El Dr. John Townsend es un popular conferencista y un famosisimo autor de exito de ventas. Es graduado de psicologia clinica en Rosemead Graduate School of Psychology de Biola University. Ademas es coautor de numerosos libros incluyendo el ganador de la Medalla de Oro Limites. el es coanfitrion del programa radial emitido a nivel nacional New Life Live!

More About the Author

Dr. John Townsend is a leadership coach, psychologist and business consultant. He has authored or co-authored 26 books, selling 5 million copies. His bestseller "Boundaries" sold 2 million copies. He is cohost of the nationally-syndicated radio program "New Life Live", aired on 180 markets with a listenership of 3 million.

Customer Reviews

I recommend parents of teens to read this book.
tacyrain
Teens will develop self-control and responsibility to the extent parents have healthy boundaries.
Dave Mudra
This book is full of really great advice to help parents w teens.
J. Krig

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

119 of 122 people found the following review helpful By A Reader from Michigan on February 12, 2006
Format: Hardcover
Dr. Townsend continues the fine tradition of the Boundaries series of Townsend and Cloud. As a youth leader, counselor, and as a father of 2 teens himself, Townsend addresses some basic underlying concepts for parenting teens. The first three sections of the book are entitled: "Be a Parent with Boundaries," "Understand the Teenage World," and "Set Boundaries with Your Teen." The focus here is equipping parents to build better relationships with their teens.

By far the largest fourth section of the book deals with specific issues involved in parenting adolescents: academics, agression, substance abuse, argumentativeness, breaking agreements, chores, clothing, curfews, self-mutilation, deception, defiance, family detachment, disrepect, driving, spirituality, ignoring parents, impulsive behaviors, the internet, handling money, moodiness, parties, peer relationships, phone usage, runaways, sexuality, and the silent treatment.

Townsend balances comforting parents in the difficult situations they find themselves in with teens, practical suggestions for working with teens on their own, and highlighting red flag behaviors that need professional intervention. The book is very readable and easily completed over a weekend. Following through on the suggestions will take longer, but Townsend helps encourage parents to hang in there!
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35 of 37 people found the following review helpful By B H on June 27, 2006
Format: Hardcover
This book is quick and easy to read due to its methodical layout. The first three parts of the book set the stage for helping parents understand the teenage mind and the general concepts of setting boundaries. Part four lists specific issues most parents of teens will deal with. In each specific issue, the author defines the problem and then describes how to handle the problem. I recommend parents read the book from beginning to end to get the entire picture and benefit of the author's advice. What's nice about the fourth part of the book is that parents can time and time again flip to the specific behavior they are dealing with and review the advice. So far, Dr. Townsend's advice is working wonderfully in our household. I wish this book had been around years ago when my oldest became a teenager! I plan to buy copies of the book for my friends with teenagers.
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33 of 35 people found the following review helpful By FaithfulReader.com on June 5, 2007
Format: Hardcover
The problem with most self-help books is that we turn to them when all else has failed, and often it is too late to deal effectively with the current crisis. Not that they can't help to point us in the right direction, but the advice would have been a lot more helpful if we had sought it before we got into the problem. Unfortunately, human nature seems to adhere to the "if it ain't broke, don't fix it" philosophy. So we fail to anticipate future problems and find ourselves scrambling for help when "it (inevitably) breaks."

Fortunately, for parents today, there are some excellent books available that can help them prepare for their child's stages of development. These books, written by people who have worked through many of parenting's pitfalls, can make the journey so much smoother and more enjoyable. Dr. John Townsend, who often co-authors with Dr. Henry Cloud, has written a series of books dealing with parenting and relationships that definitely falls into this category. These titles include RAISING GREAT KIDS, HOW PEOPLE GROW, BOUNDARIES WITH KIDS and BOUNDARIES IN MARRIAGE, plus others.

We have heard that a child's personality and tendencies are formed by the time he or she is eight years old. So what hope do parents have when their 14-year-old becomes rude and disrespectful, refusing to follow even the simplest of family rules? According to BOUNDARIES WITH TEENS, help is available, and while the child's personality and tendencies will not be changed, his or her behavior will. This allows the family to function and mom and dad to have a measure of serenity.

Dr. Townsend says, "I have seen many teens become more responsible, happier, and better prepared for adult life after their parents began to apply the principles and techniques discussed in this book.
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14 of 16 people found the following review helpful By Dave Mudra on November 19, 2008
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
This is the most insighful book I've read yet on raising a teen. I found myself encouraged and underlining passages on almost every page. Most of this review is simply excerpts of what I have found the most informative. Freedom for teens is earned by demonstrating responsibility and parents need to find the right balance between being too controlling and when they are being healthy and appropriate about saying "no". When parents set limits they're helping teens learn to develop a healthy structure and gain self-control and ownership over their life. We need to be active, be loving, be present, be truthful, be consistent; in other words, be the parent. Teenagers act like they don't care what their parents think and say but in reality it matters a lot to them. It is easy to forget how difficult the teenage years can be, and parents sometimes judge teens too harshly for behaving like a teenager. Your teen needs a parent who will connect with her and show her empathy, who can identify with what she is going through and understand the struggle of adolescence. She needs to know that she is not alone in her fight. What if every time you screwed up all you heard was "what in the world were you thinking". Your teen, whose brain is less developed than yours, is even less resilient in the face of criticism. Teens don't like conflict with their parents anymore than parents do. Aim to know your teen rather than change them. Learn to listen to your teen more - draw her out, so you can see what she is thinking about and struggling with. Refrain from moralizing about every wrong thing you hear.
Ask questions that require more than a "yes" or "no". Begin with questions about facts, move to thoughts, and then to emotions. Your teen needs to know you know her on a heart level.
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