Boundaries with Teens: When to Say Yes, How to Say No (Hardcover)

by Dr. John Townsend (Author)

Editorial Reviews

Product Description
In this exciting new book, Dr. Townsend gives important keys for establishing healthy boundaries—the bedrock of good relationships, maturity, safety, and growth for teens and the adults in their lives. The book offers help in raising your teens to take responsibility for their actions, attitudes, and emotions.

From the Back Cover
Helping Your Teen Be Responsible and Responsive

The teen years can be challenging and even scary for parents and those involved with youth. Attitudes and behaviors of the adolescent can be unhealthy for him and for the family. However, good boundaries are the bedrock of not only better relationships, but also maturity, safety, and growth—especially for teens and their parents. In order to help teenagers grow into healthy adults, parents and youth workers need to help them experience how to take responsibility for their behavior, their values, and their lives.

Dr. John Townsend, coauthor of the Gold Medallion Award-winning book Boundaries, is a parent of two teenagers himself. With wisdom and empathy, he applies his biblically based principles to bear on the challenging task of the teen years, showing parents:
• How to deal with disrespectful attitudes and irresponsible behaviors in your teen
• How to set healthy limits and realistic consequences
• How to be loving and caring while establishing rules
• How to determine specific strategies to deal with problems both big and small

The book begins by giving parents a way to look at adolescence itself, so they can better understand how a teen thinks, feels, and relates to others. Then it provides the nuts and bolts of what boundaries are all about and how to apply them. There are many topically based chapters devoted to specific problems, from moodiness to school problems to aggression. Finally, Townsend addresses the attitudes, conflicts, and difficulties of parents themselves, helping them resolve their own personal obstacles to being an effective maturing force for the teen.

Also available on unabridged audio CD, read by the author.

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Product Details

• Hardcover: 288 pages
• Publisher: Zondervan (February 1, 2006)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0310259576
• ISBN-13: 978-0310259572
• Product Dimensions: 9.1 x 6.3 x 1.3 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.2 pounds
• Average Customer Review: 4.7 out of 5 stars See all reviews (15 customer reviews)
• Amazon.com Sales Rank: #99,152 in Books (See Bestsellers in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

76 of 76 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars You want specifics? You get specifics!, February 12, 2006

By	A Reader from Michigan (Michigan USA) - See all my reviews

Dr. Townsend continues the fine tradition of the Boundaries series of Townsend and Cloud. As a youth leader, counselor, and as a father of 2 teens himself, Townsend addresses some basic underlying concepts for parenting teens. The first three sections of the book are entitled: "Be a Parent with Boundaries," "Understand the Teenage World," and "Set Boundaries with Your Teen." The focus here is equipping parents to build better relationships with their teens.

By far the largest fourth section of the book deals with specific issues involved in parenting adolescents: academics, agression, substance abuse, argumentativeness, breaking agreements, chores, clothing, curfews, self-mutilation, deception, defiance, family detachment, disrepect, driving, spirituality, ignoring parents, impulsive behaviors, the internet, handling money, moodiness, parties, peer relationships, phone usage, runaways, sexuality, and the silent treatment.

Townsend balances comforting parents in the difficult situations they find themselves in with teens, practical suggestions for working with teens on their own, and highlighting red flag behaviors that need professional intervention. The book is very readable and easily completed over a weekend. Following through on the suggestions will take longer, but Townsend helps encourage parents to hang in there!

19 of 19 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A Must Read for Every Parent, June 27, 2006

By	B H "bargain hunter" (Alabama) - See all my reviews

This book is quick and easy to read due to its methodical layout. The first three parts of the book set the stage for helping parents understand the teenage mind and the general concepts of setting boundaries. Part four lists specific issues most parents of teens will deal with. In each specific issue, the author defines the problem and then describes how to handle the problem. I recommend parents read the book from beginning to end to get the entire picture and benefit of the author's advice. What's nice about the fourth part of the book is that parents can time and time again flip to the specific behavior they are dealing with and review the advice. So far, Dr. Townsend's advice is working wonderfully in our household. I wish this book had been around years ago when my oldest became a teenager! I plan to buy copies of the book for my friends with teenagers.

16 of 16 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Offers encouragement to parents on every page, June 5, 2007

By	FaithfulReader.com (New York, New York) - See all my reviews

The problem with most self-help books is that we turn to them when all else has failed, and often it is too late to deal effectively with the current crisis. Not that they can't help to point us in the right direction, but the advice would have been a lot more helpful if we had sought it before we got into the problem. Unfortunately, human nature seems to adhere to the "if it ain't broke, don't fix it" philosophy. So we fail to anticipate future problems and find ourselves scrambling for help when "it (inevitably) breaks."

Fortunately, for parents today, there are some excellent books available that can help them prepare for their child's stages of development. These books, written by people who have worked through many of parenting's pitfalls, can make the journey so much smoother and more enjoyable. Dr. John Townsend, who often co-authors with Dr. Henry Cloud, has written a series of books dealing with parenting and relationships that definitely falls into this category. These titles include RAISING GREAT KIDS, HOW PEOPLE GROW, BOUNDARIES WITH KIDS and BOUNDARIES IN MARRIAGE, plus others.

We have heard that a child's personality and tendencies are formed by the time he or she is eight years old. So what hope do parents have when their 14-year-old becomes rude and disrespectful, refusing to follow even the simplest of family rules? According to BOUNDARIES WITH TEENS, help is available, and while the child's personality and tendencies will not be changed, his or her behavior will. This allows the family to function and mom and dad to have a measure of serenity.

Dr. Townsend says, "I have seen many teens become more responsible, happier, and better prepared for adult life after their parents began to apply the principles and techniques discussed in this book. Many of these teens not only made positive changes in their lives, they also reconnected emotionally with their parents at levels that the parents thought they would never experience again." Using biblical principles as his guide, Dr. Townsend has put together a book that gives parents uncomplicated strategies for dealing with the most common and disturbing problems they are apt to face with their teenagers. Not only is there a chapter outline, there is also a detailed index to help find answers that focus on specific needs.

In addition to the practical advice, BOUNDARIES WITH TEENS offers encouragement to parents on every page. It reminds them of their own spiritual needs and commitments and gives them hope for success. Raising children is more challenging than ever, and people like Dr. Townsend provide welcome assistance.

--- Reviewed by Maggie Harding