Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No [Paperback]

Henry Cloud (Author), John Townsend (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: February 13, 1996

Is your life out of control? Do people take advantage of you? Do you have trouble saying no? Having clear boundaries is essential to a healthy, balanced lifestyle. A boundary is a personal property line that marks those things for which we are responsible. Boundaries define who we are and who we are not. Boundaries affect all areas of our lives: Physical boundaries help us determine who may touch us, how, and when. Mental boundaries give us freedom to have our own thoughts and opinions. Emotional boundaries help us deal with our own emotions and disengage us from the harmful, manipulative emotions of others. Spiritual boundaries help us distinguish God's will from our own and give us renewed awe for our Creator. Often, Christians focus so much on being loving and unselfish that they forget their own limits and limitations. Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend offer biblically based insights into how to set healthy boundaries with our parents, spouses, children, friends, co-workers, and even ourselves---boundaries that give us freedom to walk as the loving, giving, fulfilled individuals God created us to be.

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

In order to call themselves good Christians, many people have drawn overly flexible boundaries (unwilling to say no, always accommodating others' needs) or overly rigid boundaries (to the point of being righteous and judgmental). Psychologists and inspirational speakers Cloud and Townsend show readers how to set reasonable boundaries in order to follow the true path of Christianity. This book has become immensely popular, most likely because it makes personal boundaries easier to define and is filled with spiritual purpose. Some cautions: the format can be overly self-helpish for such a complex discussion and the authors at one point imply that judicious spankings may be an acceptable form of setting boundaries with children. However, many Christians will probably find themselves grateful for this biblical context of boundaries. --Gail Hudson --This text refers to the Hardcover edition.

Review

'Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend have great insights and practical wisdom into the God-given gift of boundaries. As they discuss how to take responsibility for and ownership of our lives, they give hope that we cannot just survive -- but thrive!' -- Josh McDowell, Author, Author and Speaker <br><br> --This text refers to the Hardcover edition.

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Product Details

• Reading level: Ages 18 and up
  
• Paperback: 304 pages
• Publisher: Zondervan; Revised edition (February 13, 1996)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0310209749
• ISBN-13: 978-0310209744
• Product Dimensions: 9.3 x 5.8 x 1.1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 1.3 pounds
• Average Customer Review: 4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (353 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,003,075 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

157 of 161 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars This Book--> The Pencil That Will Help You Draw the Lines, February 3, 2009

By 

K.W. - See all my reviews

This review is from: Boundaries: When to Say YES, When to Say NO, To Take Control of Your Life (Hardcover)

Wow, why didn't I ever know about this book? You don't hear much about it- I stumbled upon it browsing around Amazon one day. For people wondering if they should buy this book, get it if:

-you're not turned off by a Christian writing approach
-you feel like there's a problem because you're trying to be a good person all the time by always saying "yes"

In a nutshell, this book is for people who don't know how to set boundaries for themselves. In other words, they're always saying "yes" to things and taking responsibility for things- even when it's not their job.

And boundary lines of your responsibilities need to be present in more areas of your life than you might realize, such as...

-your family
-your friends
-your mate
-your kids
-your self

The book covers boundary conflicts in each of these areas leaving no stone unturned. Therefore, its no big deal if you have only one or two problem areas- just go to those sections.

This book will help you realize what a boundary is, why it's okay to have them and just how to develop them. So if anything in this review sounds like if might apply to you- don't hesitate to check out the book. Other neat self-help books I liked include "Finding Happiness in a Frustrating World".

418 of 451 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Turning my life around, February 3, 2000

By A Customer

This review is from: Boundaries: When to Say YES, When to Say NO, To Take Control of Your Life (Hardcover)

As a Christian, I continually struggled with feeling depressed from being a doormat, and being nice because it was "part of the abundant Christian life." Everyone spoke about Christianity as being a joyful, full life that I would love and never want to return to the secular world. Then why did I feel so miserable? Why did the secular world seem so appealing, where I could be as nasty and selfish as I wanted to?

The answer was in "Boundaries". As I read the book, I could identify with something in every chapter. I'm the type of person who will let everyone else step all over me to keep themselves happy. As long as I didn't raise a ruckus, and the peace was kept, everything was okay, right? WRONG! Inside I was always seething with anger, and I was livid with the fact that I had to continually step out of the way for everyone else while they ran right over me.

Through reading this book, I realized that it's OK to set boundaries in all interactions; in fact, I now believe that it would be wrong NOT to set boundaries in things. Slowly but surely, with the help from this book's message, I've been setting boundaries for a happier life that's filled with more peace, joy, and abundance than ever.

106 of 114 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent Self-Help Guide for men & women of all ages, October 10, 1999

By 

DAWN STERN (Pennsylvania, USA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Boundaries: When to Say YES, When to Say NO, To Take Control of Your Life (Hardcover)

I found Boundaries to be extremely helpful to me and my family. The authors point to Biblical references for boundary development & enforcement. The authors also illustrate real-life examples of people who have boundary issues and give practical advice on how to resolve conflicts in all relationships...parent-child, spouse-spouse, friend-friend, etc. I firmly believe that this book is vital for people who desire to have Godly, healthy relationships. When my children are mature enough to read & understand this book, I will definitely encourage them to read it. I believe that it will be helpful for my children as they prepare for adulthood and also as they begin searching for a mate. I highly recommend this book for everyone who is in the midst of relationship trials & tribulations.