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594 of 623 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Turning my life around
As a Christian, I continually struggled with feeling depressed from being a doormat, and being nice because it was "part of the abundant Christian life." Everyone spoke about Christianity as being a joyful, full life that I would love and never want to return to the secular world. Then why did I feel so miserable? Why did the secular world seem so...
Published on February 3, 2000

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71 of 84 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars take control !
This book is helpful in recognising both where boundaries are /should be in your life and where they have been compromised or violated, and the consequences of that.There are plenty of Biblical references and the book is God-centred.

I think this book is good reading (maybe even essential) for all Christians because - for a myriad of reasons - it's hard for so...
Published on February 2, 2006 by Lorna


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594 of 623 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Turning my life around, February 3, 2000
By A Customer
As a Christian, I continually struggled with feeling depressed from being a doormat, and being nice because it was "part of the abundant Christian life." Everyone spoke about Christianity as being a joyful, full life that I would love and never want to return to the secular world. Then why did I feel so miserable? Why did the secular world seem so appealing, where I could be as nasty and selfish as I wanted to?
The answer was in "Boundaries". As I read the book, I could identify with something in every chapter. I'm the type of person who will let everyone else step all over me to keep themselves happy. As long as I didn't raise a ruckus, and the peace was kept, everything was okay, right? WRONG! Inside I was always seething with anger, and I was livid with the fact that I had to continually step out of the way for everyone else while they ran right over me.
Through reading this book, I realized that it's OK to set boundaries in all interactions; in fact, I now believe that it would be wrong NOT to set boundaries in things. Slowly but surely, with the help from this book's message, I've been setting boundaries for a happier life that's filled with more peace, joy, and abundance than ever.
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279 of 292 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars This Book--> The Pencil That Will Help You Draw the Lines, February 3, 2009
Wow, why didn't I ever know about this book? You don't hear much about it- I stumbled upon it browsing around Amazon one day. For people wondering if they should buy this book, get it if:

-you're not turned off by a Christian writing approach
-you feel like there's a problem because you're trying to be a good person all the time by always saying "yes"

In a nutshell, this book is for people who don't know how to set boundaries for themselves. In other words, they're always saying "yes" to things and taking responsibility for things- even when it's not their job.

And boundary lines of your responsibilities need to be present in more areas of your life than you might realize, such as...

-your family
-your friends
-your mate
-your kids
-your self

The book covers boundary conflicts in each of these areas leaving no stone unturned. Therefore, its no big deal if you have only one or two problem areas- just go to those sections.

This book will help you realize what a boundary is, why it's okay to have them and just how to develop them. So if anything in this review sounds like if might apply to you- don't hesitate to check out the book. Other neat self-help books I liked include "Finding Happiness in a Frustrating World".
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149 of 166 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent Self-Help Guide for men & women of all ages, October 10, 1999
By 
DAWN STERN (Pennsylvania, USA) - See all my reviews
I found Boundaries to be extremely helpful to me and my family. The authors point to Biblical references for boundary development & enforcement. The authors also illustrate real-life examples of people who have boundary issues and give practical advice on how to resolve conflicts in all relationships...parent-child, spouse-spouse, friend-friend, etc. I firmly believe that this book is vital for people who desire to have Godly, healthy relationships. When my children are mature enough to read & understand this book, I will definitely encourage them to read it. I believe that it will be helpful for my children as they prepare for adulthood and also as they begin searching for a mate. I highly recommend this book for everyone who is in the midst of relationship trials & tribulations.
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65 of 71 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Very beneficial to those who always seem to be way too busy!, December 7, 1999
By A Customer
I am so glad that I read this book. I have begun to see that I need to set boundaries in my life and that it is OK to do that. So many people today are "burnt out" and "at the end of their rope" because they take on too much responsibilty. This book will seriously help you to see where you need to change and will give you good instruction in how to change. You CAN set good, healthy boundaries in your life! This is a book that you really need to read!
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167 of 192 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Practical Advice, November 8, 2003
By 
Verified Purchase(What's this?)
This review is from: Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life (Paperback)
Recently I'd reached a stage of being overwhelmed by life; I'd been recommended several books, and I read "Boundaries" as the first one, the others being "Ordering Your Private World" by Gordon MacDonald and "The Purpose Driven Life" by Rick Warren. After reading Boundaries, I have come to terms with my own inability to set personal boundaries and I took ownership of my own choices which I have made.
On reading several negative comments about the book, I notice the persons complain of things that are actually not promoted in the book - there is a balance that is actually promoted, that boundaries are not an excuse to say "No", as irresponsibility is warned as another extreme of boundaries and goes against biblical principles. Some persons complained that people didn't seem to like them after they established boundaries, "Bonding first, boundaries second". Like any concept it could be taken to an extreme. I should warn that without a strong biblical background or the support of a group these concepts could easily be misapplied and used as weapons (boundaries are not weapons) instead of defenses to protect who we are.
The risk of misapplication of the concepts does not negate the fatc that this book is biblically sound, and promotes healthy relational concepts -- if applied correctly.
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79 of 92 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Tremendous!, May 31, 2000
By A Customer
Verified Purchase(What's this?)
I discovered the boundaries method when I took a class on Townsend and Cloud's "Healthy Changes." It has absolutely changed my life. Although I am pretty assertive and do express my boundaries to others, this book has helped me with another problem: not second guessing myself. Often I would make a decision and find the people around me getting upset over what I had chosen.
The boundaries book helped me understand that I own my own life and the opinions of others are not my responsibility. Nine times out of ten, the "opinions" I was getting from others turned out to be nothing more than manipulation in disguise, and an attempt to get me to cave in. I would not cave in, but I would feel very guilty about it for months to follow. No more.
I highly recommend this book to Christians and non-Christians, as the book emphasizes the exemplary relationship between God and humanity. It proves, once and for all, that true Christianity is not a religion. It's the ultimate relationship.
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47 of 54 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars This book can change your life!, October 4, 1999
By A Customer
My husband and I read this book mainly to help us deal with his family. My husband has always tried to be "the good son" who pleases his family regardless of sacrifices he (or I) must make. This book has shown us that it is OK to set limits even on those whom we love. And that "honor your father and mother" (or other family members) does NOT mean absolute obedience and submission. This book is a MUST if you have any controlling people in your life who frustrate you but you are unsure how to lovingly address the issue.
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71 of 84 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars take control !, February 2, 2006
This book is helpful in recognising both where boundaries are /should be in your life and where they have been compromised or violated, and the consequences of that.There are plenty of Biblical references and the book is God-centred.

I think this book is good reading (maybe even essential) for all Christians because - for a myriad of reasons - it's hard for so many of us to say "No!" As a result we risk ending up being burnt out, or withdrawing from our circle because we are hurt. We can even end up depressed and /or resentful because we don't know how to set healthy limits for ourselves. This book shows you how you can start to set boundaries, how you can help those you love to respect those boundaries, and the result will be a fuller life.

Make no mistake this isn't an easy ride!

Quote: Before boundaries. "Stop yelling at me. You must be nicer". After boundaries "You can continue to yell if you choose to. But I will choose not to be in your presence when you act that way" (p 259)

I did find the book hard going at times, but that was mostly because of issues that came up as I was reading. It probably would be very good to work though this book with someone you trust. And although I didn't have it, I think working through the workbook might also be very helpful.

I rated this book 3, but it's close to a 4 for content and style. It is easy to read, but allow yourself time to be changed as God works in you through it. I will definitely refer to this book often - because it's helped me identify things in myself.

Be blessed :)
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28 of 31 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Boundaries is a life-changing book, March 3, 2006
This review is from: Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life (Paperback)
Do you often feel others take advantage of you? Say yes when you really want to say no? Explode with rage when people ask you questions? Feel like you don't have respect? These behaviors are often signs of improper boundaries.

A boundary is like a line marking the stuff for which we are responsible, defining who we are and, just as importantly, who we are *not*. The book covers healthy boundaries as they relate to family (including kids), friends, work, self, and God. Even if a person does have boundaries, they are not always necessarily healthy. To protect ourselves, we may create rigid boundaries (like a wall). The authors explain that a healthy boundary is more porous than that.

The book is religiously centered, but I'd still recommend it for non-Christians (or non-practicing) with the caveat to take what you like and leave the rest. I found the principles to be pertinent whether or not a person is Christian.

I would recommend considering purchasing and working through the Boundaries workbook in conjunction with the book. For me, it was helpful in determining where I needed to change or establish boundaries. Applying (in the workbook) what I read in the book to situations in my own life really helped me retain the information and change the dynamics of my relationships.
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40 of 47 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars The Second-best Book I've Ever Read, September 8, 2003
By 
John Bockmann (Prescott, AZ United States) - See all my reviews
The subtitle caught my eye: "When to say YES...When to say NO...to take control of your life."
I'd been struggling in a relationship with my girlfriend in which I couldn't seem to say "no" to "physical stuff" & never really felt like I could make a choice--like she and I were kind of melting together. I felt addicted to her, and I was miserable and desperate.
About that time, I was also a first-year middle school teacher and my kids were constantly getting the best of me ("F*** you, Mr. Bockmann!") & my administration wasn't backing me up. I hated my job.
So I bought the book and devoured it like a starving man devours meat & potatoes :0)
I won't go into detail about its contents (you can see a list of chapters if you click on the "Boundaries" book jacket link), but suffice it to say that my life has changed dramatically since I've read this book & put its principles into action.
Moreover, it prepared me for the responses I would get from people who were used to my boundary-less former self: from "You're so cold!" to "You don't love me!" to outright screaming of horrible things at me (by my own mother, no less). Thanks to Boundaries, I was able to stand my ground, respect my mother, and get throught those times.
She has never yelled at me since then, and our relationship has become one of growing mutual respect and love. The difference is incredible.
I'm also happy to say that, though my students hated me during my first year (they claimed I wasn't being fair, of all things...and they were right!), I was able to employ boundaries with my ensuing classes, with whom my popularity knew no ends. Most importantly, I was a good teacher & modeled respect and healthy limits to my students.
(In case you were wondering, I taught for five years & I'm now a flight student--doing what I really love--thanks in part to what I learned through Boundaries :0)
I recommend this book to anyone who will listen, and I'm especially gratified to see it improving their lives just as dramatically as it improved--and continues to improve--mine.
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Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life
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