Customer Reviews

Boundaries: When to Say Yes, When to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

5 star:		(258)
4 star:		(42)
3 star:		(23)
2 star:		(13)
1 star:		(22)

 

 

Wow, why didn't I ever know about this book? You don't hear much about it- I stumbled upon it browsing around Amazon one day. For people wondering if they should buy this book, get it if:

-you're not turned off by a Christian writing approach
-you feel like there's a problem because you're trying to be a good person all the time by always saying "yes"

In a nutshell, this book is for people who don't know how to set boundaries for themselves. In other words, they're always saying "yes" to things and taking responsibility for things- even when it's not their job.

And boundary lines of your responsibilities need to be present in more areas of your life than you might realize, such as...

-your family
-your friends
-your mate
-your kids
-your self

The book covers boundary conflicts in each of these areas leaving no stone unturned. Therefore, its no big deal if you have only one or two problem areas- just go to those sections.

This book will help you realize what a boundary is, why it's okay to have them and just how to develop them. So if anything in this review sounds like if might apply to you- don't hesitate to check out the book. Other neat self-help books I liked include "Finding Happiness in a Frustrating World".

As a Christian, I continually struggled with feeling depressed from being a doormat, and being nice because it was "part of the abundant Christian life." Everyone spoke about Christianity as being a joyful, full life that I would love and never want to return to the secular world. Then why did I feel so miserable? Why did the secular world seem so appealing, where I could be as nasty and selfish as I wanted to?

The answer was in "Boundaries". As I read the book, I could identify with something in every chapter. I'm the type of person who will let everyone else step all over me to keep themselves happy. As long as I didn't raise a ruckus, and the peace was kept, everything was okay, right? WRONG! Inside I was always seething with anger, and I was livid with the fact that I had to continually step out of the way for everyone else while they ran right over me.

Through reading this book, I realized that it's OK to set boundaries in all interactions; in fact, I now believe that it would be wrong NOT to set boundaries in things. Slowly but surely, with the help from this book's message, I've been setting boundaries for a happier life that's filled with more peace, joy, and abundance than ever.

I found Boundaries to be extremely helpful to me and my family. The authors point to Biblical references for boundary development & enforcement. The authors also illustrate real-life examples of people who have boundary issues and give practical advice on how to resolve conflicts in all relationships...parent-child, spouse-spouse, friend-friend, etc. I firmly believe that this book is vital for people who desire to have Godly, healthy relationships. When my children are mature enough to read & understand this book, I will definitely encourage them to read it. I believe that it will be helpful for my children as they prepare for adulthood and also as they begin searching for a mate. I highly recommend this book for everyone who is in the midst of relationship trials & tribulations.

I am so glad that I read this book. I have begun to see that I need to set boundaries in my life and that it is OK to do that. So many people today are "burnt out" and "at the end of their rope" because they take on too much responsibilty. This book will seriously help you to see where you need to change and will give you good instruction in how to change. You CAN set good, healthy boundaries in your life! This is a book that you really need to read!

Recently I'd reached a stage of being overwhelmed by life; I'd been recommended several books, and I read "Boundaries" as the first one, the others being "Ordering Your Private World" by Gordon MacDonald and "The Purpose Driven Life" by Rick Warren. After reading Boundaries, I have come to terms with my own inability to set personal boundaries and I took ownership of my own choices which I have made.

On reading several negative comments about the book, I notice the persons complain of things that are actually not promoted in the book - there is a balance that is actually promoted, that boundaries are not an excuse to say "No", as irresponsibility is warned as another extreme of boundaries and goes against biblical principles. Some persons complained that people didn't seem to like them after they established boundaries, "Bonding first, boundaries second". Like any concept it could be taken to an extreme. I should warn that without a strong biblical background or the support of a group these concepts could easily be misapplied and used as weapons (boundaries are not weapons) instead of defenses to protect who we are.

The risk of misapplication of the concepts does not negate the fatc that this book is biblically sound, and promotes healthy relational concepts -- if applied correctly.

I discovered the boundaries method when I took a class on Townsend and Cloud's "Healthy Changes." It has absolutely changed my life. Although I am pretty assertive and do express my boundaries to others, this book has helped me with another problem: not second guessing myself. Often I would make a decision and find the people around me getting upset over what I had chosen.

The boundaries book helped me understand that I own my own life and the opinions of others are not my responsibility. Nine times out of ten, the "opinions" I was getting from others turned out to be nothing more than manipulation in disguise, and an attempt to get me to cave in. I would not cave in, but I would feel very guilty about it for months to follow. No more.

I highly recommend this book to Christians and non-Christians, as the book emphasizes the exemplary relationship between God and humanity. It proves, once and for all, that true Christianity is not a religion. It's the ultimate relationship.

This book is helpful in recognising both where boundaries are /should be in your life and where they have been compromised or violated, and the consequences of that.There are plenty of Biblical references and the book is God-centred.

I think this book is good reading (maybe even essential) for all Christians because - for a myriad of reasons - it's hard for so many of us to say "No!" As a result we risk ending up being burnt out, or withdrawing from our circle because we are hurt. We can even end up depressed and /or resentful because we don't know how to set healthy limits for ourselves. This book shows you how you can start to set boundaries, how you can help those you love to respect those boundaries, and the result will be a fuller life.

Make no mistake this isn't an easy ride!

Quote: Before boundaries. "Stop yelling at me. You must be nicer". After boundaries "You can continue to yell if you choose to. But I will choose not to be in your presence when you act that way" (p 259)

I did find the book hard going at times, but that was mostly because of issues that came up as I was reading. It probably would be very good to work though this book with someone you trust. And although I didn't have it, I think working through the workbook might also be very helpful.

I rated this book 3, but it's close to a 4 for content and style. It is easy to read, but allow yourself time to be changed as God works in you through it. I will definitely refer to this book often - because it's helped me identify things in myself.

Be blessed :)

I have been searching for years for a way to separate myself from certain destructive people and also from my professional clients ( I am a family lawyer). A critical part of my recovery from chronic alcoholism (sober 3 years) and continuing depression has to be a greater sense of honoring myself and my own values. This is by far the finest analysis of boundaries and their importance that I have ever read. I have recommended it to my own therapist! Also, non-Christians should not be wary of the Biblical content. It is universal.

Most Christians struggle with the demands and frustrations resulting from their everyday relationships. Cloud and Townsend have produced a true classic in this volume, presenting Biblical concepts that address those demands and frustrations. I have just finished reading this book again for the second time, and chances are good I will read it again in the future.

The authors introduce their work with a short section entitled, "A Day in a Boundaryless Life." Most persons can easily identify with the young woman depicted in this typical life situation. The authors then describe the concept of boundaries in detail, and how boundaries are developed in our lives. They present ten laws of boundaries, and then proceed to describe common myths regarding them. These laws and myths, as well as the rest of the book's content, are very readable and easy to understand.

In the second portion of their work, the authors touch upon the areas of life in which boundaries can be helpful. I cannot think of any area that is unaffected. These areas are: family, friends, spouse, children, work, self, and God.

The authors conclude by describing typical resistance to boundaries. They also summarize the benefits to be gained as persons persevere through that resistance to a more ordered life. Before ending their book, Cloud and Townsend revisit the young woman depicted in the opening section. This time the title is, "A Day in a Life with Boundaries." She now has learned to incorporate boundaries into her own life, and the change for the better is amazing.

This book is a must-read for every Christian believer who wants a wealth of Biblical insight into Christ-honoring relationships. I have recommended it to others in the past, and after this second reading am even more enthusiastic about doing so. Buy it, read it, and allow God to transform your relationships for the better!

My husband and I read this book mainly to help us deal with his family. My husband has always tried to be "the good son" who pleases his family regardless of sacrifices he (or I) must make. This book has shown us that it is OK to set limits even on those whom we love. And that "honor your father and mother" (or other family members) does NOT mean absolute obedience and submission. This book is a MUST if you have any controlling people in your life who frustrate you but you are unsure how to lovingly address the issue.