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on June 5, 2000
Excellent for anyone who is trying to get a handle on what interpersonal boundaries are and how they work.
The concept of interpersonal boundaries can be hard to grasp, but Anne Katherine's book makes it easy, even for a layperson. Clear and concise, this book can be read on a single afternoon, but keep you thinking for days.
Including exercises designed to help increase awareness of boundaries, and life stories that illustrate how boundary dysfunction occurs, the book paints a clear picture of boundaries, enmeshment, and triangulation.
I recommend this book to anyone who wants to be a good parent, have a successful marriage, resolve childhood and current issues, or even manage a well functioning workplace with good employee relations.
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on November 11, 2000
If an interaction feels icky and you don't know why, perhaps this book can explain things.
We can't control how others treat us, but this book shows us how to tell them, in a positive and productive manner how we feel about being treated poorly.
This book is also an eye-opener for those who may not even be aware that their boundaries are being violated. The author illustrates many types of boundaries and how they can be respected (or disrespected).
By following the advice in this book, you will improve your interactions with others.
*Included in this book is a free jerk filter. It does an excellent job of weeding out those who choose to react badly when you set your boundaries.
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on December 7, 2010
I was looking for a book on how to establish healthy boundaries in everyday situations such as work and family. Specifically I was looking for positive ways to say no without ruffling feathers.

I read about two thirds of this book and put it down because it is really geared towards women who can't say no to men's advances. Much of the content deals with abuse and incest.

While this may be helpful to some, the title and description of this book were misleading to me.
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on February 6, 2000
As an eating disorders specialist and registered dietitian, I find many people who are using the obsession with food to avoid dealing with other issues. In many cases these are boundary issues and this book does an EXCELLENT job of helping people improve their boundaries and become more emotionally healthy people which is a necessity in recovering from disordered eating issues and other addictions. I would highly recommend this book and I frequently distribute it to my patients
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on July 31, 2000
This book impacted my life more than any other I have ever read (I have read thousands), or class I have ever taken (I have two college degrees).
My children were taken from me. Social Services stepped in. I ran for a long time focussing on the lies that they accepted as fact (way too numerous to mention). I thought I was a great Mom. In many ways I was, but I now know I didn't teach my children boundaries. I grew up with none. I am still fighting for my four children, but in a very different way. I now spend the time I have with them totally focused. I try to help them to see how important boundaries are. Taking care of your self, does not mean you can't take care of someone else, in the long run, it is better for all. I didn't matter before. Today my children see a mother that cares about herself. I am working hard at learning my own boundaries and respecting the boundaries of others.
This book has changed my perspective, thus changing my attitude.
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on October 4, 1998
This is an excellent book to help in the understanding of what consitiutes a boundary in interpersonal relationships with family, friends and co-workers. If everyone recognized boundaries then there would be little need for therapists and counselors. Sometimes a boundary exists where it isn't readily recognizable and that's where this book comes in very handy when working with my clients. It's written in relatively "jargon free" simple style so one can concentrate on the content of the subject matter, not the vocabulary of the author. For those interested in personal growth, this is a winner!
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on August 13, 2006
This book is okay. I think her book "Where to Draw the Line" was much better. Still this is a good workbook format and Dr. Katherine is the boundary master. Not sorry I bought it, but would recommend going to the other book first.
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on July 18, 2010
My therapist recommended this book to me back in March (2010) as a means of helping me to understand boundaries and why my relationship wasn't working. Sadly, I waited until June to get the book. Had I gotten the book in March, I would have recognized that my relationship was not working because it was abusive. By the time I got the book I'd recognized that (back in May). I now find it re-affirming and have still gotten TONS of useful information as a result of reading it.

This book covers nearly every modern "issue" that one could have and addresses all of them as issues of boundaries and recognizing what is acceptable and what is not -- at work, at school, at home, in your relationship, or in social settings -- based upon what you find acceptable for your own life.

If you've ever felt guilty saying "no" to someone, this book is for you.
If you've ever felt like a doormat or wondered why people don't seem to treat you respectfully, this book is for you.
If you confuse assertiveness with rudeness, this book is for you.
If you think people who speak up for themselves are pushy, this book is for you.
If you ever suffer in silence while someone kicks the back of your seat, sits too close for comfort next to you on the train, talks too loudly on their cell phone in an otherwise quiet space, or pushes past you to get somewhere, THIS BOOK IS FOR YOU.
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on March 27, 2010
As a man who is recovering from child abuse - at the hands of both women and men (but mostly women), I took great offense to this book. This book is not about boundaries. It's about how men abuse women. It's about how men are scumbags.

The stories of abuse appear to be made up. I couldn't find any reference to these people being clients of the writers, or being real people at all.

All but two of the stories focus on women who are abused by males - fathers, step-fathers, husbands, and even two-year old brothers. The only way that women can abusive in this book is by allowing men to abuse a female.

In the two stories that focus on men, the men are still the abusers. One is about a man justifying why he beats his wife and doesn't let her have a life of his own.

When the author talks about men not being in touch with their feelings, it is explored entirely in terms of how this makes their wives suffer. The other story about a man says things like:

"His wife complained that he would not accept feelings as valid reasons for behavior. If she said she was tired of cooking, he insisted she was being unreasonable."

At one point, Anne Katherine goes off on a gratuitous tangent about how secretaries and nurses do all the work while the man gets the money and credit.

There was one VERY, VERY, VERY DISTURBING paragraph in the book:

"Your therapist is not your buddy. Certain therapeutic approaches say it's okay to be friends or even lovers with clients. As a victim of this philosophy I can testify that this confusion of roles leads to confusion of boundaries."

First of all, there is NO therapeutic approach that says it's okay to be lovers with your client. Second, notice how Anne Katherine calls herself a victim of `this philosophy' and not `one of these therapists'. Take from that whatever you like.
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on September 14, 2011
I am going through a nasty divorce & since the split I have had alot of questions surfacing that I never thought about before. I wondered why & what went wrong in the relationship why I blamed myself!! I have been in relationships before that ended, but this was different a commitment of marriage, a man I took vows with, someone I thought I would spend the rest of my life with, so when I found that our marriage was over I was devastated!!! My whole world & everything I/we built for our "supposed" future gone "poof"..I wanted answers so I started searching for them within myself, because I didn't want to find myself in the same situation in the future. I recommend this book, because it is a clear insight of how we all live to please others, or how we always excuse other people's behavior or comments that hurt us!! We have been taught for generations that we are to put up with hurtful comments, inappropriate touching, we are made to feel guilty, or shamed, or were bullied into doing things for others that we do not want to do, but history & family tells us we have to..!! We have been taught to accommodate others, we have learned to put others needs above OUR OWN, to SACRIFICE OURSELVES for others. Whether it be for the sake of the family or for your boss or neighbor we all do it..
I highly suggest this book if your searching for answers to prevent yourself from further harm by others. I highly suggest this book if you want to better YOURSELF not someone else. This book has so many situations I can relate to, I wished I had read this book when I was younger, it would have helped me be more aware & it would have helped the decisions I made when I was raising my daughter, I could have done so many things differently!
This book IS AMAZING it will help you learn who you are(not neg views from others), what you like about yourself, that setting a personal space for yourself from harm is OK!! That inappropriate invasions of your space from others or of any kind is NOT alright!! Especially protecting your emotional boundary it is the best sense of self!! If something doesn't feel right, THEN IT'S NOT RIGHT!! JUST KNOW WHETHER YOU READ THIS BOOK OR NOT IT IS OK TO SET BOUNDARIES FOR YOURSELF & OTHERS..
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