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The Boy He Left Behind: A Man's Search for his Lost Father
 
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The Boy He Left Behind: A Man's Search for his Lost Father [Paperback]

Mark Matousek (Author)
4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (14 customer reviews)


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Book Description

February 6, 2001
In this extraordinary real-life detective story, the acclaimed author of the bestselling memoir Sex, Death, Enlightenment takes us on a search for the father who abandoned him-a journey that changes the course of his life forever. An exploration of morality and identity, The Boy He Left Behind is about coming to terms with the uncertainties of life, the tenacious bonds of family, and the high, sometimes heartbreaking, cost of love.


Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

"I was conceived on a bathroom floor by a woman trying to forget herself and a man who materialized out of nowhere," Mark Matousek tells us. His father soon dematerialized, turning up for the last time in 1961 to make an unsuccessful attempt to kidnap 4-year-old Mark. Thirty-five years later, now HIV-positive, Matousek decides to hire a detective to look for the man he never knew. His compassionate, startlingly funny memoir mingles the tale of that quest with recollections of his troubled youth, a reconstruction of his parents' early lives and his mother's 14-year affair with a married man, tender portraits of his three sisters, and a loving depiction of his new boyfriend, Louis, whose support helps Matousek grapple with his past. Hilarious character sketches of everyone from the oddball private eye to a slick Manhattan magazine editor lighten the dark shadows cast by many of Matousek's memories, including one sister's suicide and his mother's admission that "I should never have had you kids." In Matousek's complex rendering of the world, there are no easy epiphanies or shortcuts to wisdom--which will come as no surprise to readers of his previous book, Sex Death Enlightenment. But there are sturdy friendships, hard-won courage, and the hope of lasting love. --Wendy Smith --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

From Publishers Weekly

Following his acclaimed memoir, Sex Death Enlightenment, Matousek has produced an equally riveting account of his search--at age 38, with the help of a private detective--for the father who abandoned him at age four. A former senior editor of Interview magazine, Matousek grew up in suburban Los Angeles in the late 1950s and '60s. His mother struggled in poverty to raise three daughters and Mark, whom she defended against homophobic taunts while punishing him with silence and emotional distance for what she feared was his true sexual identity. Without a father, Matousek says, he felt unworthy, "fundamentally unblessed, as a person and as a man." He blames the absence of his father for the family's spinning out of control. Marcia, the author's half-sister, committed suicide at 29; Matousek finds evidence suggesting that their father sexually abused her. His other sisters suffered difficult relationships throughout their lives, while at 14 Matousek embarked on binges of petty crime, drugs and sex with other boys and girls, followed by years of nomadic spiritual wandering in Europe and India. There is no closure here--dad is never found--but at his mother's deathbed, Matousek's rage, longing, guilt and dread melt into acceptance and grief. In tandem with the private-eye manhunt, Matousek undergoes successful treatment for HIV infection. A searing meditation on the psychic harm suffered by men and women without fathers, this wise odyssey wrestles with questions of life and death and the search for the meaning of one's existence. (Mar.)
Copyright 2000 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

Product Details

  • Paperback: 272 pages
  • Publisher: Riverhead Trade (February 6, 2001)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1573228524
  • ISBN-13: 978-1573228527
  • Product Dimensions: 8.2 x 5.4 x 0.8 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 7.8 ounces
  • Average Customer Review: 4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (14 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #2,126,187 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

I was born in Los Angeles on February 5, 1957, graduated from the University of California, Berkeley in 1979, and received a fellowship to Worcester College, Oxford, the following year, with an M.A. in English Literature from the UCLA in 1981.

After graduation, I moved to New York, where I worked as a stringer for Reuters, International, then in Newsweek Magazine's letter department, before being hired as a proofreader at Andy Warhol's Interview Magazine. I was the magazine's first staff writer, and became senior editor the following year, conducting hundreds of interviews with figures well known in film, television, books, fine art, politics, design and science. In 1985, I quit my job and spent most of following decade as an itinerant dharma bum and freelance journalist, traveling between Europe, India, and the United States. Shifting professional gears from pop culture to psychology, philosophy and religion, I was a contributing editor to Common Boundary Magazine, where my back page column, The Naked Eye, appeared from 1994-1999. I received a National Magazine Award nomination for "America's Darkest Secret" (about the epidemic of incest in the U.S.) and published essays in numerous magazines, including The New Yorker, Details, O: The Oprah Magazine, Tricycle, The Utne Reader, AARP Magazine, Out, Good Housekeeping, and Harper's Bazaar.

After working with Sogyal Rimpoche on The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying, I collaborated with religious writer Andrew Harvey on Dialogues With A Modern Mystic (interviewing Harvey for Britain's Channel One documentary of the same name). My first book, Sex Death Enlightenment: A True Story (1996) became an international bestseller published in ten countries and nominated for two Books for a Better Life Awards. Having served as co-editor on Ram Dass's book, Still Here, I published my second memoir in 2000, The Boy He Left Behind: A Man's Search for His Lost Father (Los Angeles Times Discovery Book, Randy Shilts Award, excerpted in the Sunday supplement of the London Guardian). I've taught creative non-fiction writing at Manhattanville College and published essays in numerous anthologies, including Wrestling With the Angel, Voices of the Millenium, A Memory, A Monologue, a Rant and a Prayer, Oprah's Best Life. I am also a contributing editor to O: The Oprah Magazine, Tricycle: The Buddhist Review and a frequent blogger for The Huffington Post. My most recent book is When You're Falling, Dive: Lessons in the Art of Living (2008). Also, I'm collaborating with Eve Ensler as the Creative Director of V-Men (the male arm of VDay, Ensler's organization for ending violence against women and girls) and curate their online essay series (www.vday.com). Currently, I am at work on a performance piece called "Ten Ways To Be a Man," which will serve as V-Men's artistic vehicle and will premier in September, 2011.
Ethical Wisdom: What Makes Us Good is available now.

 

Customer Reviews

14 Reviews
5 star:
 (6)
4 star:
 (8)
3 star:    (0)
2 star:    (0)
1 star:    (0)
 
 
 
 
 
Average Customer Review
4.4 out of 5 stars (14 customer reviews)
 
 
 
 
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews

11 of 11 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars Wonderful story, a very open and vulnerable story-teller, June 18, 2000
By 
J. Lyda (Raleigh, North Carolina) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   
I picked this book up purely on a hunch, having gone through my "father-work" a few years back. What a wonderful story. I read this book in 48 hours. I gave it to my wife, who rarely shares my literary taste, and she read it in 24 hours. Matousek is a very courageous and honorable story teller. I was rivited until the last page. All so human are the people in his life. He is honest about his rage...honest about his loss..and honest about his compassion. Highly recommended.
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6 of 7 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars I couldn't put it down!, December 3, 2001
By 
Mom to 2 (Valencia, CA) - See all my reviews
This review is from: The Boy He Left Behind: A Man's Search for his Lost Father (Paperback)
I came upon this book in the library with no prior knowledge of the book or the author. From page one I was captivated by Mark's life story and finished the book in 2 days. I'm surprised that it never received more recognition, as it has become one of my all-time favorites. It covers so many topics...religion, homosexuality, family relationships, love and loss...that anyone can relate to and identify with. Written with honesty and humor, I highly recommend this book to everyone!
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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars Another "Hard to put it down" little book, May 1, 2001
By 
One of the more frequently occuring mind stretchers that occur as adults is the quest for coming to understand our parents. It is part understanding ourselves, part seeking the reason why we are here and the meaning associated with that why. Mark Matousek has written a searing account of his dysfunctional family, sparing noone in the wake, not even himself. His writing is lucid, poetic, and yet very much in the mode of a mystery chef. He knows how to keep us connected to his style by inserting the detective work of seeking his father who deserted him at an early age, while he succinctly sets about releasing all his autobigraphical data in short chapters that identify why each member of his biological family as well as his extended family is a case study of maladaptation. For me the most enlightening aspect of this book was not about his failed search for his father, but about his discovering the gentle core of his seemingly abusive mother - on her deathbed. This is a well written book, at times bordering on a pity-party, that shows how even the worst of inherited familial traits can be overcome.
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