Boy Talk: How You Can Help Your Son Express His Emotions [Paperback]

Mary Polce-Lynch (Author), Michael Gurian (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: February 9, 2002

What events and processes occur in the lives of open and expressive boys that often change them into locked-down, uncommunicative adolescents? In this book, a counseling psychologist draws on her own extensive research to help your understand the communication challenges faced by your son or a boy you care about. The book begins with the assumption that boys of all dispositions, from outgoing athletes to introspective intellectuals, need help and support to make it through their adolescences. The book suggests ways you can help the boy in your life make small, incremental changes that will help him express his emotions. It also offers you, the adult, a variety of effective approaches for dealing with specific problem behaviors and situations you might encounter with your growing boy.

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

At last, a book about boys that doesn't rely on the testosterone theory of sex differences. Instead, psychologist Mary Polce-Lynch offers gender glasses to view the different ways that boys and girls learn to understand and express their feelings. Boy Talkis a powerful manifesto that urges readers to stop governing boy's inner lives by social norms. The heart of this resistance involves families and communities in breaking the "pack rules"--the cultural imperatives that restrict boys' access to and expression of their emotions.

Polce-Lynch is equally adept at detailing the big picture of our culture's discomfort with boys' emotions and a frame of strategy that supports their emotional development. Well-written chapters explore the cost of unexpressed emotion, the link between emotions and temperament, the development of empathy, alternatives to aggression, and a curriculum for critiquing media. The book counsels parents to become "emotional detectives" and describes high-impact techniques, including mirroring, blending, naming, and modeling. Engaging in its scope and detail, Boy Talk will change your conversations with young men. --Barbara Mackoff

From Library Journal

The language of emotions has a unique vocabulary that boys must learn to become socially competent adults. In fact, the lack of such training may, according to this book, explain phenomena like school shootings, substance abuse, and poor physical health. Though the causal links are hardly definitive, this book's ideas are drawn from research, and the author's own work is sound. A psychology professor at Randolph Macon College who is also engaged in private practice, Polce-Lynch explores the biology of emotions as it affects boys from childhood to late adolescence. She analyzes the "pack rules" of behavior, which mandate a suppression of most feelings except anger as well as a constricted view of women. Though the text is clearly written, the most accessible and useful chapters appear at the end of the book. These suggest tips for parents and other caregivers to help boys develop emotional awareness. This approach may be particularly valuable to those seeking an alternative to medication for boys with behavior problems. This book draws from theoretical insights explored in Daniel Goleman's Emotional Intelligence (Bantam, 1995) and complements William S. Pollack's well-received but more clinical Real Boys: Rescuing Our Sons from the Myths of Boyhood (Holt, 1998). Recommended for large public library parenting collections. Antoinette Brinkman, M.L.S., Evansville, IN
Copyright 2002 Cahners Business Information, Inc.

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Product Details

• Paperback: 200 pages
• Publisher: New Harbinger Publications; 1 edition (February 9, 2002)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 157224271X
• ISBN-13: 978-1572242715
• Product Dimensions: 9 x 5.9 x 0.5 inches
• Shipping Weight: 11.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (4 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #458,822 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

I grew up in the beautiful Finger Lakes of New York (Geneva)and currently live in Virginia with my husband, also a psychologist and author, and our daughters. My stepdaughter lives in North Carolina. I have worked in education and mental health throughout my career and enjoy teaching and counseling. I also enjoy writing. Having published professional articles over the years, I'm thrilled about the opportunity to publish two non-fiction books and to continue writing.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

15 of 15 people found the following review helpful:

4.0 out of 5 stars A Boy How-To...?, March 26, 2002

By 

Mendon "Mike" Burns-Gilbert (Sparta, WI USA) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Boy Talk: How You Can Help Your Son Express His Emotions (Paperback)

Are there boys in your life? In your family? Neighborhood? Anywhere? Not the immature, adult version but the true bonafide youth. Then reading this book should be on your "I've gotta do this now" list. Mary Polce-Lynch has crafted a highly accessible piece of work that gets you inside the sometime mysterious world of boys, as defined by today's culture and morals. You know, "boys don't cry" or "boys are tough-being an athlete maks you a real boy" or "boys don't talk about their feelings" or "don't show other guys your feelings" and the list goes on. Boy we have a knack for screwing people up, don't we?
The good doctor delves into the emotionless world of boys as outlined by the infamous "Pack Rules." But she goes beyond just identifying the problems we lay at these guys' feet(at a very early age). She offers a solid guide to raising emotionally complete boys who are able to express their feelings not supress them. And emotionally competent boys grow up to become much better men.
Dr.Polce-Lynch includes her research and clinical experiences to buttress what she has written. All in all, this book is a wonder and a joy to read. It offers a challenge too, to parents or any adult involved with boys to find ways to make them better people, to help them interact positively with the world around them. I have two sons, teenagers now, and this book opened my eyes to what I've done well and not-so-well in raising them. "Boy Talk-How You Can Help Your Son Express His Emotions" is a great guide for helping boys become better boys and superb men. Get it. Read it. Make a difference in a boy's life.

6 of 7 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars an important book, June 18, 2003

By 

a teacher (Syracuse, NY) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Boy Talk: How You Can Help Your Son Express His Emotions (Paperback)

I am an elementary school teacher and this book is just what I needed. It's usefullness in the classroom came as a surprise since I read it as a parent interested in my sons' emotional development. Background information about emotions and specific suggestions for supporting boys emotions at different ages (birth to 18) are invaluable. I have always wanted to support my boys' feelings but was reluctant...for all the reasons described in the book. After reading "Boy Talk" I feel freer to provide this support.

I haven't totally changed how I teach or parent. Rather, as the book suggests, I started doing a few small things differently. As a result I have observed fewer behavior problems in the classroom. (I think the boys just generally feel more respected and supported, too.) At home, I notice a closer relationship with my sons.

I recommend this book to anyone who wants to know more about boys' emotions but has been afraid to ask.

4 of 5 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Boy Talk-Excellent Adjunct to Therapy, April 9, 2006

By 

Kim Forbes (Norfolk, Virginia) - See all my reviews

This review is from: Boy Talk: How You Can Help Your Son Express His Emotions (Paperback)

I am a psychotherapist in private practice and I sometimes recommend a book to a client to read to help them better understand how to address a specific emotional issue they are struggling with. Sometimes this is quite helpful and sometimes the client never mentions it again.

Over the past several months, I suggested BOY TALK to three separate mothers I am working with and each of them came back to their session with the book in hand, thanking me for providing a resource that made sense to them. They talked about feeling more sure of themselves in terms of understanding their son's needs after reading the book. They also reported using the suggested techniques and tools with a sense of confidence and hopefulness with their sons.

I highly recommend this book for mothers and for all of us that impact the future men of our world. Kim Forbes LCSW