45 of 53 people found the following review helpful:
3.0 out of 5 stars
Mildly entertaining, but not sufficient; glosses over deeper, more important issues, November 2, 2005
This review is from: Boy Vey!: The Shiksa's Guide to Dating Jewish Men (Paperback)
I read this book while I was dating a Jew for a few months. It was a lighthearted, occasionally helpful book (I didn't know his neurosis was normal until, to my great relief, I read a chapter on it in this book!). "Boy Vey" does, as others have already pointed out, rely on some stereotypes and generalizations; but hey, generalizations and stereotypes are often there for a reason, so at the very least it helps to what they are, right?! This book helped me (a girl from the rural Midwest... not exactly a place where I grew up with a lot -or any- Jews around, so since I now live in a predominantly Jewish neighborhood in a large city I need all the help I can get) clear up a FEW questions I had about my Jewish boyfriend of the time. The book was particularly appealing to me because it is told through the experience of a girl who was raised with a Presbyterian background and who is inexplicably drawn to Jewish men. I was more or less that girl until realized how difficult it truly is to have a successful relationship with a Jewish boy.
From the beginning, this book makes it clear that it will not touch upon the highly controversial issue of interfaith dating, and for a good reason. Interfaith dating (particularly Jewish-Christian interfaith dating) has been a highly passionate religious and cultural debate that's been raging for thousands of years. A few books in the year 2005 aren't going to have the solution to that debate, simply because a few books aren't going to erase or re-write thousands of years of deeply held religious and ethnic traditions and beliefs. So, it makes perfect sense that this book isn't there to touch upon this issue. Fair enough.
But with that said, unless you (the shikse) read "Boy Vey" knowing full well that you're going to face a lot more issues in your relationship than not understanding what "schlep" means, you may find this book to be misleading in terms of what your prospects are of having a long-lasting, good relationship with a Jewish man. The general attitude of the book is that if you learn a few Yiddish words and get accustomed to Jewish holidays and food and family, then you'll essentially melt right into the Jewish culture, or at least his family, when this is in fact far, far from reality. A shikse will, more or less, always be just a shikse to a good Jewish family (parents, grandparents) who cares for their boy that you're lusting after. You will, save for a few extraordinary cases in a few rare (undoubtedly very secular Jewish families), feel like you are "the other." And for a boy who loves his family and is fiercely proud of his heritage, religion, and homeland (and I'm talking about the homeland of Israel; not Queens, Liberty Heights, or Cote des Neiges)... not to mention that pungent and potentially terrifying (to a shikse) power of his Jewish mom and her favorite weapon (guilt), it's going to be very hard for his desire or love for you to overshadow his upbringing, culture, family, and the deeply ingrained tradition for which it all stands for. No matter how much he might like you and you might like him, it's going to be a very rocky road ahead if you two date and this book simply glosses over that fact.
I don't want to sound overly negative, but if you are serious about getting into a relationship with a Jewish guy and you don't have a lot of background on the Jewish faith or culture, then please do more research into it than that which this book talks about. In my 4-month, relatively casual relationship with a Jew, the two of us faced a great deal of uncertainty, questions, and even some racism, despite the fact that we were both fairly open-minded individuals. Interfaith dating is not as simple as it seems... or as simple as this book makes it seem.
And my final thought: don't get me wrong. Jewish guys are great. There's always that possibility that it might work. Several of my better friends (keyword here is "friends") are Jewish guys and they're such great men that I wonder where in the world all of the Jewish girls are and why they haven't scooped up these handsome, intelligent, and caring friends of mine... those lucky, lucky Jewish girls! (By the way - this is a book that would be mildly useful and worth looking at if you happen to have a few Jewish friends.)
The bottom line is that this book is a fun and somewhat useful book, but ONLY if you're already fully aware of the social, cultural, and religious implications involved with dating a Jew.
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11 of 12 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
From one shiksa to another..., August 16, 2005
This review is from: Boy Vey!: The Shiksa's Guide to Dating Jewish Men (Paperback)
I recently finished Boy Vey - such a quick, funny read - and had more than a few laughs over the dating anecdotes (both the author's and her subjects') presented in this book. I really hope that Grish's readers realize she's speaking from her own experience - and backing up her points with those from the jewish community and interfaith couples - so it's not just her voice that's heard, but a mix of voices. The book is an entertaining but helpful guide, though it definitely requires an open mind and willingness to trust that the author's writing with her tongue firmly planted in cheek. It's a leap of faith I was happy to take - and to that end, really enjoyed. I highly suggest this book and wish her the best of luck!
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7 of 9 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
welcome to the new millenium, June 9, 2005
This review is from: Boy Vey!: The Shiksa's Guide to Dating Jewish Men (Paperback)
I saw an article about this book in the post, so I checked it out. I have to say, it's much funnier than I thought it would be. I assumed it would be just a collection of warmed-over stereotypes, but Grish is a very funny writer, with an interesting slant on a subject she obviously knows very well. Her chapter titles alone are so well done (SUMMER CAMP IS NOT A CULT AND OTHER HONEST MISTAKES is my personal favorite). What could have been a tired play off of those well known jewish characteristics became under Grish's affectionate pen a warm look at her favorite dating species. I am not a shiksa, so I can't attest to how well the book works for those women out there looking to get in good with the jewish guys, but the advice seemed on the money to me. More importantly, it was funny advice. Highly recommended.
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