Customer Reviews

Boy Vey!: The Shiksa's Guide to Dating Jewish Men

5 star:		(10)
4 star:		(2)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(2)
1 star:		(7)

 

 

I read this book while I was dating a Jew for a few months. It was a lighthearted, occasionally helpful book (I didn't know his neurosis was normal until, to my great relief, I read a chapter on it in this book!). "Boy Vey" does, as others have already pointed out, rely on some stereotypes and generalizations; but hey, generalizations and stereotypes are often there for a reason, so at the very least it helps to what they are, right?! This book helped me (a girl from the rural Midwest... not exactly a place where I grew up with a lot -or any- Jews around, so since I now live in a predominantly Jewish neighborhood in a large city I need all the help I can get) clear up a FEW questions I had about my Jewish boyfriend of the time. The book was particularly appealing to me because it is told through the experience of a girl who was raised with a Presbyterian background and who is inexplicably drawn to Jewish men. I was more or less that girl until realized how difficult it truly is to have a successful relationship with a Jewish boy.

From the beginning, this book makes it clear that it will not touch upon the highly controversial issue of interfaith dating, and for a good reason. Interfaith dating (particularly Jewish-Christian interfaith dating) has been a highly passionate religious and cultural debate that's been raging for thousands of years. A few books in the year 2005 aren't going to have the solution to that debate, simply because a few books aren't going to erase or re-write thousands of years of deeply held religious and ethnic traditions and beliefs. So, it makes perfect sense that this book isn't there to touch upon this issue. Fair enough.

But with that said, unless you (the shikse) read "Boy Vey" knowing full well that you're going to face a lot more issues in your relationship than not understanding what "schlep" means, you may find this book to be misleading in terms of what your prospects are of having a long-lasting, good relationship with a Jewish man. The general attitude of the book is that if you learn a few Yiddish words and get accustomed to Jewish holidays and food and family, then you'll essentially melt right into the Jewish culture, or at least his family, when this is in fact far, far from reality. A shikse will, more or less, always be just a shikse to a good Jewish family (parents, grandparents) who cares for their boy that you're lusting after. You will, save for a few extraordinary cases in a few rare (undoubtedly very secular Jewish families), feel like you are "the other." And for a boy who loves his family and is fiercely proud of his heritage, religion, and homeland (and I'm talking about the homeland of Israel; not Queens, Liberty Heights, or Cote des Neiges)... not to mention that pungent and potentially terrifying (to a shikse) power of his Jewish mom and her favorite weapon (guilt), it's going to be very hard for his desire or love for you to overshadow his upbringing, culture, family, and the deeply ingrained tradition for which it all stands for. No matter how much he might like you and you might like him, it's going to be a very rocky road ahead if you two date and this book simply glosses over that fact.

I don't want to sound overly negative, but if you are serious about getting into a relationship with a Jewish guy and you don't have a lot of background on the Jewish faith or culture, then please do more research into it than that which this book talks about. In my 4-month, relatively casual relationship with a Jew, the two of us faced a great deal of uncertainty, questions, and even some racism, despite the fact that we were both fairly open-minded individuals. Interfaith dating is not as simple as it seems... or as simple as this book makes it seem.

And my final thought: don't get me wrong. Jewish guys are great. There's always that possibility that it might work. Several of my better friends (keyword here is "friends") are Jewish guys and they're such great men that I wonder where in the world all of the Jewish girls are and why they haven't scooped up these handsome, intelligent, and caring friends of mine... those lucky, lucky Jewish girls! (By the way - this is a book that would be mildly useful and worth looking at if you happen to have a few Jewish friends.)

The bottom line is that this book is a fun and somewhat useful book, but ONLY if you're already fully aware of the social, cultural, and religious implications involved with dating a Jew.

I recently finished Boy Vey - such a quick, funny read - and had more than a few laughs over the dating anecdotes (both the author's and her subjects') presented in this book. I really hope that Grish's readers realize she's speaking from her own experience - and backing up her points with those from the jewish community and interfaith couples - so it's not just her voice that's heard, but a mix of voices. The book is an entertaining but helpful guide, though it definitely requires an open mind and willingness to trust that the author's writing with her tongue firmly planted in cheek. It's a leap of faith I was happy to take - and to that end, really enjoyed. I highly suggest this book and wish her the best of luck!

I saw an article about this book in the post, so I checked it out. I have to say, it's much funnier than I thought it would be. I assumed it would be just a collection of warmed-over stereotypes, but Grish is a very funny writer, with an interesting slant on a subject she obviously knows very well. Her chapter titles alone are so well done (SUMMER CAMP IS NOT A CULT AND OTHER HONEST MISTAKES is my personal favorite). What could have been a tired play off of those well known jewish characteristics became under Grish's affectionate pen a warm look at her favorite dating species. I am not a shiksa, so I can't attest to how well the book works for those women out there looking to get in good with the jewish guys, but the advice seemed on the money to me. More importantly, it was funny advice. Highly recommended.

This book had me laughing from beginning to end because majority of the things she talks about are so dead on! Coming from a "shiksa's" point of view, Grish nailed it. I was actually talking about this book with one of my clients who was jewish, and he called me last night to tell me that he picked it up for his wife...and his daughter! Even if you aren't dating a jewish man yourself, the book is full of witty lines and makes for a great beach read.

I picked this up to help me out with my new (and first!) jewish boyfriend, and it's been very helpful. Especially over the last month, when it saw me through a myriad of new holidays with humor and understanding. I thought the writing was warm and sweet, with every chapter infused with love for these thoughtful and sensitive jewish men. The mom chapter has been especially useful (and apt). They might be stereotypes, but at least in my case, that stereotype is very much the truth and this fun and useful book has helped me get in good with a mother as far from my own as emotionally and psychologically possible. So new Shiksas of the world, give the book a read and hopefully you'll be as thankfully guided along as I was.

The problem is that the author is an experienced 'Dater' of Jewish men. She hasn't taken the step to marry one and see all the problems arise. Doron Kornbluth's Why Marry Jewish (written for Jews and non-Jews) deals with the surprises that come after the wedding - many of which would surprise the author.

What was the most annoying part . . . the stereotypes that are scattered through the book? The vacant page-filler that has no beginning, middle or end? The Jewish recipes that include a corned beef sandwich on buttered bread? The fact that the author shows no respect for Judaism or its tenets? Can't make up my mind. If you must read, take it out of the library. Don't waste a penny on this insipid drivel.

I enjoyed this book. I picked it up because, being a Jewish woman in search of a nice Jewish boy, I wanted to see what the enemy was up to. I was prepared to detest her, but she didn't say anything that was outright wrong and offensive, and at times she was quite funny. Lots of people will cry stereotype, and there is plenty of that in here, but we're not talking about genetics here (except for the body hair comment. I know some nice smooth Jewish guys, thank you.) We're talking cultural stereotypes, and most of the ones she points out are based in fact. I've got no problem with all the nice generalities she saddles us with, since it shows we're doing something right in how we're raising our boys. Maybe because I myself have dated some gentiles in my day, I'm more sympathetic. But I enjoyed looking at Jewish men through the eyes of a non-Jew. It made me appreciate them even more. Now someone needs to write a book to make them appreciate me...

HIlarious and almost too accurate account of what it's like for shiksas to date Jewish men. Quick, entertaining, and informative.

I know that a lot of people really like this book, but I have to say I found it disturbing. After reading an interview with the author, I decided to take a look at the book for myself. Stereotypes, even when they're supposedly positive or said in jest, can be hurtful. They reduce one's humanity to a list of characteristics. I, for one, I'm not a doctor or a lawyer or an engineer. I do not find Jewish women to be overbearing, and I find this characterization particularly offensive. For that matter, I doubt I could pick pastrami out of a lineup, trimmed or not. Saying that Jewish men are all funny, career-driven, and respectful of women may seem different from saying that they are greedy, dirty, and materialistic, but both characterizations come from the same source. That source is bigotry, and bigotry, no matter how couched it finds itself in lighthearted anecdotes or ostensible admiration, just isn't that funny.

Finally, a comment about the title. If there's one thing that I did learn from my Jewish mother (and grandmother, and great-grandmother for that matter), it's that the term "Shiksa" is totally unacceptable. I married a non-Jewish woman, who has since converted, and I can't imagine anyone ever referring to her by this defamatory word.