Customer Reviews

Boys & Girls Book about Divorc

5 star:		(8)
4 star:		(1)
3 star:		(0)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(7)

 

 

This book is fantastically un-PC; so much that it verges on shocking. Those who want some bland and reassuring pap for their nearest/dearest child of divorce should look elsewhere.

I know nothing of the author biographically, but I can tell he's seen a lot of unhappy children. He's seen them lied to by adults whose intentions spanned the gamut of good and bad, and seen that misdirection and ephemism hurt children more than directness ever could. In other words, Gardner respects children and understands their need for plain talk. This book advocates for them.

Parents may be offended. But divorces occur more often where fundamental tenets of healthy relationships aren't respected, and things we rarely talk about are done to kids as a matter of course. Kids get used as adult-companionship substitutes. Kids get used as weapons against the Ex, or meal tickets. Parents drift off after the divorce and never drift back again. Parents fawn and drool on birthdays or Christmas and fail to call the rest of the year. To Gardner, this suggests a parent who does not love their child. What does it suggest to you?

The current vogue is pad all this over and "be reassuring," but Gardner prefers to let them in on the truth -- believing truth is something even children can eventually come to terms with.

I noticed this book because of my own miserable childhood.
No adult would like to tell me the truth about my parient's divorce even themselves.There were so many questions in my mind.I have wasted so many time to adjust it. The teachers never taught you how to deal with a divorced family and a sad father. There was no book about it. So, we are helpless.
When I saw this book,I felt so amazingly. This was a book written for us and truely helped us.

I read the book 16 years ago and it influenced me to become a psychologist. I even mentioned the book and Dr. Gardner in my application essay for graduate school. The book was easy to understand as a child and I still recommend the book to my children-patients. I highly recommend the book to parents and children who are dealing with divorce issues. The book also contains great illustrations. No book has had greater influence on my life and career

The negative reviewers are in denial and, although they believe they are doing the right thing by not being honest with their kids or themselves, they are hurting their kids and probably screwing them up for life so they too can repeat the mistakes of their parents and continue the cycle.

The chapter about what love is and how to recognize it is invaluable. It does NO good to teach a child that neglect, disinterest and selfishness is love because it is not.

The sad fact is that some parents do not love their children or love them very much. Face it and deal with it - adults and children alike. If you teach your kid that "not-love" is love then you're not giving your kid the skills to find and recognize Real Love.

Apparently, many negatives reviewers had a fit when they read the chapter about how to recognize love and they didn't continue reading how to help your child cope when their parent has little or no love for them. Maybe, as I did, they had to face facts that their own estranged spouse and/or a parent of theirs also did not love nor love them enough.

This book also addresses the fears that children have and denying that they have those fears is easier on the parent, but certainly not helpful to a child who is, well, childish and needs reassurance.

If you love your children, really really love them - then buy this book. Read it first yourself then use the chapters that apply to your situation and know that even though truth hurts and facing fears is difficult - you're doing right by your children. Sugar-coating and running away from facts is harmful to you and to your kids. It's time to stop taking the short-term easy way out and get real.

When I read the introduction, I had high hopes for this book. However, the book has some very disturbing parts. For instance, talking about where children will live when parents separate, Gardner brings up that some children end up in boarding school and foster homes. I was skeptical about that, but continued on. When he said that many foster homes are bad, I wondered if he considered what kinds of things he was telling these children. From my experience, children of divorce have enough fears and ghosts. They don't need an "expert" putting more fears into their heads.

I was also upset by the notion that he suggested that some parents don't love their children. While he may be correct, I don't feel that his planting the idea in their minds is going to make them feel any more comfortable with their parents divorcing.

I did not allow my child to read this. With all her raw emotions, I felt it would be abusive on my part to expose her to new, unnecessary fears.

I respectfully disagree with the reviews from well-meaning adults regarding Gardner's candor. Divorce is not last place at the science fair. Divorce is a civil war where children are given a front-row seat to the ugly, forceful destruction of their family. While unconditional love may be helpful short-term, it doesn't address the guilt, distrust or hatred children may have that they don't understand and cannot voice.

My parents put this book in my hands 25 years ago. To be sure, it contains stinging criticism of adult behavior that left my parents smarting, but it became a valuable tool for thoughtful conversation that restored confidence and trust. I still use its principals in adulthood.

Do I agree with everything this book said? Nope. Did I find the book useful anyhow? Absolutely. I encourage you to read the book for yourself, then decide whether to share it with your children. Whatever you decide, I encourage you to do what it takes to help children of divorce learn to think critically about their experience.

After a couple of years of trying to figure out what was wrong with my step daughter who's now 11, we finally found out that her mom has been repeatedly telling her numerous appalling lies about her dad which she believed and became scared and distante from her dad. She never mentioned the bad mouthing from her mom because she was told by her mom if she spoke up the judge would take her away from her mom. Finally it all came out during an extended stay with us and with the help of a couple of books "Divorce poison" and "The boys & girls book about divorce" we have been able to appropriately address this concern and the positive results already show in my step daughter. She has opened up about a lot of negative things going on at her mother's home which we were not aware of, and we have now been able to guide her on how to deal with it emotionally and how to address it directly with her mom. She acts and looks so much better now, her confidence has already improved and she is now relaxed with us like old time. Great book! Yes some aspect of it may seam a little harsh for children but after thinking about it I really agree with it and think that honesty about the facts while keeping out badmouthing, will help children confront reality and learn how to deal with it better. This book also provides good info that can be applied to any children from divorced family or not.

I purchased this book for my nine year old granddaughter to help her with any questions she might have about her parent's divorce. I was appalled when I picked the book up and read it. The chapter on how to tell if your father loves you was undescribable. How damaging this could be to a child who is already so bewildered and confused about their parents divorce to read if their father is consistently late to pick them up, it could mean he doesn't love them. Love and its reassuring and unconditional aspects are what helps children of all ages survive the emotional scarring of a divorce. I wanted to contact the author and the publisher and scream at them. I'm just glad that I read the book first before giving to my grandchild. They should be ashamed!!!!

What a talent !
Every young reader will know for sure that his mother & father is still his loving Mom & Dad even after they are divorced.
This book should be translated to many languages.

My children were 4 and 6 at the time. My 6 year old daughter could read this book and we could discuss "stuff" that was in her head, but didn't know how to say... Really a big help with her and with my son...