Customer Reviews

Brain Injury: A Family Tragedy

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Although the book gives the unimaginable tough account of the unbearable journey of caring for a person with the type of brain injury Gary Jr. underwent, I found the author to be completely biased especially with respect to her obvious hatred towards her ex-daughter in law. Knowing the difficulty of caring for her son, one would expect complete understanding and forgiveness about the impossibility of a single mother of two to care for the victim. Trying to juggle finances, single motherhood, and 24 hour care is an impossible task and I particularly found very offensive the author's suggestion to her daughter in law to sell her possessions to pay for therapy. It is no body's business to be telling people what they should do or not, specially when they do not have to bear any consequences coming from implementing their suggestions. Afterwards, the parents ended up in the situation in which the wife was previously. Their clear resentment is obviously because they were forced to take the ultimate responsibility for Gary Jr. while it would probably be more comfortable for them to seat and criticize the wife while they did not have any responsibility (i.e. financial) towards their son. Although their caring for their son is very noble, I guess they did not really have a choice other than take over the responsibility. That is what is expected from parents, you can not really divorce your blood family.

The book also is misleading and outdated in the terminology used throughout. Gary Jr. had an Anoxic Brain Injury as a result of his cardiac arrest - and NOT a traumatic brain injury as she makes reference throughout the entire book. The prognosis and the type of injury are very distinct, and as far as factual information, there's more available throughout the Internet than in this book.

I speak based on my own experience of caring for a husband who had exactly the same brain injury - except that my own case is worsened by the fact that his level of care is such that requires 24 hr nursing care. We have a baby and not only dealing with the whole situation is very difficult, but listening to people who have the best intentions but do NOT really bear any responsibility nor are impacted by their good advise is most unwelcome. It is nobody's place to pass judgment - like this book does in each single page.

I can not think of any reason whatsoever to read this book. Do not waste your time and money.

Brain Injury - A Family Tragedy is a must read. It gives good insight as to how devastating a brain injury is and its affect on relationships within the family.It shows the struggle that families go through trying to deal with our current health care system. And it shows how strong the parent/child bond really is- even when we are adults. I have been a small part of Gary's health care team for the past four winters in Florida, his parents are the big part and we share his good days, his laughs, his hard times and health concerns. This book is a very accurate portrayal of what brain injury can do - it also depicts an accurate account of the love Gary receives everyday. I have become part of their extended family because Gary Sr. and Patt are such warm and caring people and even though we do have a tough day, on occasion, I truly enjoy my time with Gary - his sense of humor still seeps through his dark world and he makes me laugh everyday.

The book is inspirational, well written and interesting. It touches all of our emotions. You will alternatively laugh and cry with this family's experiences. You will celebrate the love and devotion the family displays as well as the indignity and negligence the main character indures throughout his fight for a virtuous existence. The book can be a self-help reference for those who don't know where to turn when their brain injured loved one falls through the cracks of our society's mandates. Brain Injury - A Family Tragedy, can help families who unfortunately have to experience this type of tragedy, by offering coping skills to learn from through another family's experiences.

I began to read this book with the idea of being able to learn to help myself (mildly brain injured due to a tumor), and, most especially, to be able to help a close friend who, is in NeuroICU (over 8 weeks as of this writing) from a TBI caused by an assault (still under investigation which is my reason for remaining anonymous). From my own experience I know that he will never be the same person he was. At this time, I don't know what he has been "left with" in terms of function - physical, emotional, or mental. I learned a lot from Mrs. Abrahamson's book, from her experiences as she has negotiated this mine field of so called services and experts..... there is a tremendous amount of misunderstanding and, yes, prejudice against the brain injured. People don't understand that it can't get "all better" with an operation or a medication. Perhaps it's too frightening to imagine and they don't WANT to understand. This is something that can happen to ANY of us. The fact that the injury is "invisible" leaves us open to the misunderstandings and cruelty - we're thought of as "crazy" or "stupid" etc.. A person with a VISIBLE disablity often has more chance of being understood and assisted - at least medically. There were many times, as I read this, that I recognized parts of "the new me" in Mrs. Abrahamson's writings - most especially the memories and loss of memories. I've had to relearn events (I have some missing years), I've learned about deaths in my family - and grieved well after the fact because the death was new to me - my body may have attended funerals but my mind, my brain did not.

I can see, from my own life, as well as what is happening to my friend and his family, the terrible strain on family members, family dynamics, the finances (I haven't found insurance companies to be all that helpful in covering the specialized neuro-psychological help and cognitive training that is desperately needed. It's a very hard thing for a relationship to survive, as evidenced by the breakup and breakdown of the Abrahmson family. I know of several families that have broken up over this type of injury (my experience mostly is with brain tumor injury but, in a lot of ways, the results and the attitudes are the same). My heart goes out to ALL of them -the injured as well as their families.

Please forgive my writing - I'm trying to be as clear and organized as I can. You see, I too have short-term memory issues (though mine are fairly mild all things considered) and also problems with executive functions. Staying focused and on task, and paying attention requires tremendous effort these days (and my insurance will not allow me to seek the help I need to overcome/learn to live with these issues). I have learned that the best way for me to communicate is in writing because I can come back to it, edit, re-edit and I have much difficulty with "finding" words.

Bless all of us - the brain injured, the families and please let's pray for more understanding and help. ellen

I was a Court Reporter for 30 years and was shocked the first time I heard the phrase, "There are worse things than death," but I soon learned its true meaning. What the Abrahamsons have gone through is truly a tragedy and "worse than death".

For Patt to be able to portray in her book, the agony, the heartbreak, the stress and the tenacity to break through the bureaucracy is the mark of a very special person. Only a mother's love could carry someone through such times and come out on top.

I've known Patt for years and have seen some of her columns in the local paper, but never dreamed she could put all these feelings and happenings into a book. They are a wonderful family and in spite of Gary, Jr.'s 24 hour a day care, they are living life to the fullest as best they can.

Once I started reading her book, I could hardly wait to get to the next chapter. It was difficult to put the book down and others have told me the same. What a manual for people going through the same kind of difficulties. You have to walk in those footsteps to really understand.

Nina Johnson

Two years ago in 2001, my husband, Patrick and I met Patt & Gary Abrahamson and their son, Gary Jr. outside of our condominium in Ft. Myers, Fl. After introducing ourselves, we recognized that Gary Jr. was severely handicapped and needed the full assistance from both of his parents. At the time we didn't ask any questions but learned from other people in our building that he was brain-injured and needed 24-hour care. After we became more acquainted with them we realized what total care really meant. They are the most dedicated and unselfish parents we have ever known and that takes in a lot of territory. It was only after we had the opportunity to read this book (which we couldn't put down) did we realize the magnitude of sacrifice that this family has been through. They are truly an inspiration to all of us. Their whole life revolves around Gary Jr. each and every day from the time they awaken until the time they go to sleep. Gary Jr. is their life. They have accepted God's will and turned their family tragedy into a "Parents Labor of Love". This book is a must-read for all parents and children alike and especially for those of us who complain about the trivial things of life. It is our honor and extreme pleasure to call these people our friends.
Rita & Patrick Ryan

Stricken by a heart attack at the age of 37, Gary Abrahamson, Jr. suffered a severe brain injury due to oxygen deprivation. When his care became too overwhelming for his wife, his parents, Patt and Gary Abrahamson, Sr., stepped in. Since 1989 they have provided him with 24-hour loving and patient care.

This book is the story of Patt and Gary's extensive search for medical and financial help for their son. Patt doggedly explored all avenues available, and even found some unknown to the community at large. She traveled the country interviewing doctors, social workers, hospitals, trauma centers, politicians - any and every entity that could possibly be of help. Her travels through the bureaucratic labyrinth are astounding.

The Abrahamson's persistence and tenacity were finally justified with the awarding of a settlement by the doctors involved in Gary's initial heart attack treatment. They are now in their 70's and are still providing 24-hour care for Gary, but are secure in the knowledge that when they are no longer able to care for him, he will be well provided for.

This is a book that is well worth reading, whether or not your family is somehow involved in a similar situation. It's a story of faith and love, and devotion to one's family. I highly recommend it.

The story of Patt and her family is something that touches, inspires, and informs all of us: --family members and caregivers who struggle to find resources in the midst of tragedy --personnel at agencies that provide health care and social services, to help them see their own insensitivity and need for the information that family members can provide about the person with the brain injury, and how they respond, and what they need --government employees who want to make federal funds available in their state to enhance brain injury resources --everyone who finds themselves fighting a large and serpentine so-called "system" against incredible odds. Patt and her family have been able to find peace and a greater joy than they could ever have imagined. In reaching out to help others, they continue to be blessed themselves. You'll find yourself recommending this book to everyone you know. A real page-turner!

Aloha, my name is Arlo Abrahsmon and I am writing this review in the spirit of awareness. The tragedy of my father has ripped my family apart. I caution anyone who reads this to condsider the untold story. While the author (unfortunealy, this is my grandmother) has done a fine job under such terrible circumstances, I believe it is partly because of her guilt of an abusive parent that has motivated her to act as she has. (this was revealed to me by my father before he was ill) Also, I can say that the depictions of my mother are not accurate and biased. Please know that this book brings dishonor to those who do not deserve it. I have read this book and I am ashamed that my mother, me or my brother are depicted negatively. We too, love our father and suffer from emotioal pain. This is why I feel compelled to write this response. As you can see, this caring mother has disowned her flesh and blood as evident by the following email from the author of this book, to her grandson, me.

The author of this book wrote this to her grandson in a recent e-mail

"As for our relationship with you two, we don't consider you grandchildren or Abrahamsons based solely on how you both have ABANDONED your father. You are Ostlund boys and live in your own selfish little world. We ALL suffered when this tragedy happened to our beloved son, and only when you become parents will you understand. God forbid you would have to deal with grandchildren who would treat your son as if dead in similar circumstances and call it honor. But God does have a way of seeing to it, "what comes around--goes around!" By no means to I mean to discredit the author, but the truth must be told and I have a right for all to hear my review. Sincerly Arlo Abrahamson (son of Gary Jr.)

The book is a weaving together of anecdotes,humor,factual information,and wisdom. It is a reader/user-friendly resource book-easy to understand,interesting, and comprehensively informative.