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A Brass Pole in Bangkok: A Thing I Aspire to Be Paperback – June 19, 2006


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Product Details

  • Paperback: 338 pages
  • Publisher: iUniverse, Inc. (June 19, 2006)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 059539390X
  • ISBN-13: 978-0595393909
  • Product Dimensions: 0.8 x 5.9 x 8.9 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 1 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 5.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (5 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,196,697 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews

About the Author

Fred Reed is a part-time sociopath, former Marine, and lifelong keyboard mercenary who lives in Mexico and should not be allowed to associate with your children.

More About the Author

According to Fred, who is an occasionally reliable source (though he says his heart isn't in it): I was born in 1945 in Crumpler, West Virginia, an unincorporated coal camp near Bluefield where my maternal grandfather was the camp doctor, and steam locomotives chuffed spectacularly in to load coal at the tipple. (When someone got sick on the other side of the mountain, the miners would put Big Pat, as granddad was called, in a coal car and take him under the mountain. He had a robust conception of a house call.) My father was a mathematician, but then serving in the Pacific aboard the destroyer USS Franks. My paternal grandfather was dean and professor of mathematics at Hampden-Sydney College, a small and (then, and perhaps now) quite good liberal arts school in southwest Virginia. In general my family for many generations were among the most literate, the most productive, and the dullest people in the South. Presbyterians.
After the war I lived as a navy brat here and there--San Diego, Mississippi, the Virginia suburbs of Washington, Alabama, what have you, and briefly in Farmville, Virginia, while my father went on active duty for the Korean War as an artillery spotter. I was an absorptive and voracious reader, a terrible student, and had by age eleven an eye for elevation and windage with a BB gun that would have awed a missile engineer. I was also was a bit of a mad scientist. For example, I think I was ten when I discovered the formula for thermite in the Britannica at Athens College in Athens, Alabama, stole the ingredients from the college chemistry laboratory, and ignited a mound of perfectly adequate thermite in the prize frying pan of the mother of my friend Perry, whose father
was the college president. The resulting six-inch hole in the frying pan was hard to explain.
I went to high school in King George County, Virginia, while living aboard Dahlgren Naval Weapons Laboratory (my father was always a weapons-development sort of mathematician, although civilian by this time), where I was the kid other kids weren't supposed to play with. I spent my time canoeing, shooting, drinking unwise but memorable amounts of beer with the local country boys, attempting to be a French rake with only indifferent success, and driving in a manner that, if you are a country boy, I don't have to describe, and if you aren't, you wouldn't believe anyway. I remember trying to explain to my father why his station wagon was upside down at three in the morning after I had flipped it at seventy on a hairpin turn that would have intimidated an Alpine goat.
As usual I was a woeful student--if my friend Butch and I hadn't found the mimeograph stencil for the senior Government exam in the school's Dempster Dumpster, I wouldn't have graduated--but was a National Merit Finalist.
After two years at Hampden-Sydney, where I worked on a split major in chemistry and biology with an eye to oceanography, I was bored. After spending the summer thumbing across the continent and down into Mexico, hopping freight trains up and down the eastern seaboard, and generally confusing myself with Jack Kerouac, I enlisted in the Marines, in the belief that it would be more interesting than stirring unpleasant glops in laboratories and pulling apart innocent frogs. It was. On returning from Vietnam with a lot of stories, as well as a Purple Heart and more shrapnel in my eyes than I really wanted, I graduated from Hampden-Sydney with lousy grades and a bachelor-of-science degree with a major in history and a minor in computers. Really. My GREs were in the 99th percentile.
The years from 1970 to 1973 I spent in largely disreputable pursuits, a variety that has always come naturally to me. I wandered around Europe, Asia, and Mexico, and acquired the usual stock of implausible but true stories about odd back alleys and odder people.
When the 1973 war broke out in the Mid-East, I decided I ought to do something respectable, thought that journalism was, and told the editor of my 327
home-town paper, "Hi! I want to be a war correspondent." This was a sufficiently damn-fool thing to do that he let me go, probably to see what would happen. Writing, it turned out, was the only thing I was good for. Using my clips from Israel, I argued to the editors of Army Times that they needed my services to cover the war in Vietnam. They too let me do it. Editorial bad judgement is a valuable resource.
I spent the last year of the war between Phnom Penh and Saigon, leaving each with the evacuation. Those were heady days in which I lived in slums that would have horrified a New York alley cat, but they appealed to the Steinbeck in me, of which there is a lot. After the fall of Saigon I returned to Asia, resumed residence for six months in my old haunts in Taipei, and studied Chinese while waiting for the next war, which didn't come. Returning overland, I took up a career of magazine free-lancing, a colorful route to starvation, with stints on various staffs interspersed. For a year I worked in Boulder, Colorado, on the staff of Soldier of Fortune magazine, half zoo and half asylum, with the intention of writing a book about it. Publishing houses said, yes, Fred, this is great stuff, but you are obviously making it up. I wasn't. Playboy eventually published it, making me extremely persona non grata at Soldier of Fortune.
Having gotten married somewhere along the way, I am now the happily divorced father of the World's Finest Daughters. Until recently I worked as, among other things, a law-enforcement columnist for theWashington Times. It allowed me to take trips to big cities and to ride around in police cars with the siren going woowoowoo and kick in doors of drug dealers. Recently I changed the column from law enforcement to technology, and now live in Mexico in Jocotopec, near Guadalajara, having found burros preferable to bureaus. I now share my existence with Violeta Gonzales, who was what God had in mind when he created women but just hadn't quite perfected the idea until recently.
My hobbies are crawling South America, scuba, listening to blues, swing-dancing in dirt bars, associating with colorful maniacs, and writing seditious columns.
My principal accomplishment in life, aside from my children, is the discovery that it is possible to jitterbug to the Brandenburgs.

Customer Reviews

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Most Helpful Customer Reviews

23 of 23 people found the following review helpful By Artur Oczko on November 30, 2006
Format: Paperback
I have not read a funnier book since Bill Clinton's "My Life."

This collection of short pieces is just priceless. Each hilarious piece is a page or two long, so you can read here and there. Hilarious, sane, and educational.

I am buying this for all my friends.
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17 of 18 people found the following review helpful By Paul D. Perry on November 3, 2006
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Fred has topped himself with a witty vivisection of every form of modern political corretness. Fred pokes ,prods and bludgeons with a purpose, however he clearly is a man who understands that evaluating the modern condition cannot be done in a historical vacuum but must accompany honest evaluations of the strengths and weaknesses of the past.
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14 of 16 people found the following review helpful By Paul H. Zimmerman on November 25, 2009
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I read this when I want a 'lift' it is so irreverent and true I immediately gain a better mood!
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful By Keith H. (Arizona) on August 31, 2011
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Hilarious. The PC crowd should be forced to read every page, maybe they would see the error of their ways. But, probably not.

I spent a couple decades wandering the globe after my time in Southeast Asia and Fred describes the characters one ran into with precision. I miss the road.

I started highlighting favorite paragraphs and dog earing pages. Halfway through I discovered that that just about every page was dog eared and highligted.

I have recommended this book to all of my friends and will be gifting it some who really need to read it.

Fred, keep up the great work.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful By Hercy A. Lord on March 20, 2013
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I was so fortunate several months ago to stumble across this author and bought three of his books. I LOVE his writing, his outlook on life and events, his NOT politically correct philosophy which is so much like my own. He is so FUNNY, clever in his writing and I think unique. He covers just about every topic old and new in short articles which engenders laughter and agreement that he is exceedingly bright and KNOWS how the human mind works. I visit his website frequently for his latest thoughts on modern events! When I get depressed on what has happened to America, Fred can always make me chuckle.
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