Break Up or Break Through [Paperback]

Dina Bachelor Evan (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: June 1, 2001

Dina Bachelor Evan is a licensed marriage, family, and child therapist with a PhD in psychology and one in holistic health. She has offices in Phoenix and Los Angeles.

An interview with Dina Bachelor Evan, Ph.D. author of Break Up or Break Through

You meet, you fall head over heels in love, you change your life for this person, and then suddenly you find you have nothing in common. You begin to fight, break up, and start the whole cycle over again. Sound familiar?

There has to be a better way. According to Dr. Dina Bachelor Evan, a psychotherapist with 16 years of couples counseling under her belt, there is. Her ideas, coupled with an astounding 90% success rate, are on display in the new book, Break Up or Break Through: A Spiritual Guide to Richer Relationships. Focusing on gay and lesbian couples, the book presents new paradigm for healthier, more fulfilling relationships. Dr. Evan talks about her book, her beliefs, and what most commonly goes wrong with gay and lesbian relationships.

Alyson: Why did you write this book?

Dr. Dina Bachelor Evan: In the gay community there are very few visible role models for successful relationships. We're in trouble. To make matters worse, today we are experiencing a relationship revolution in this country both in the straight community and the gay community. Divorce rates are skyrocketing, and statistics indicate the rates for long-term successful relationships in our communities are outrageously low. I have a 90% success rate with couples. I believe relationships are the finest spiritual teachers on the planet! Our ability to create long-term commitments and healthy families is the very foundation of stability and health in our community, just as it is in every civilization. Our ability to love profoundly, ethically, spiritually is a reflection of our character. I believe we all want these deeper values and commitments, yet we haven't been given the tools with which to create meaningful relationships. This book gives you those tools.

Alyson: What questions do people ask most about relationships?

Dr. Dina Bachelor Evan: Most people want to know how to tell when they are really in love. Other questions

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Psychotherapist Dina Bachelor Evan claims that 98% of the couples who come to her for counseling stay together giving credence to the advice she offers in Break Up or Break Through: A Spiritual Guide to Richer Relationships. Written specifically for a gay and lesbian audience, its rules for good relationships invoke universal self-help themes such as respecting boundaries, overcoming personal limitations and creating intimacy. With its breathing exercises, "Spiritual Relationship Personal Inventory" tests and upbeat chakra-talk, it should appeal to New Age couples gay and straight.

Copyright 2001 Cahners Business Information, Inc.

From Library Journal

Although this book is specifically aimed at a gay and lesbian audience, there is nothing in it (aside from a few pronoun references) that would preclude heterosexual readership. Psychotherapist Evan agrees with Paul Pearsall, author of Partners in Pleasure (reviewed below): too much unnecessary breaking up is going on. However, in stark contrast to Pearsall, she asserts that there can be no "we" until the "me" gets its act together. The majority of this work instructs readers how to let go of outdated emotional responses and live in the here and now. "Living in the Present," "Be Honest," and "Act Out of Love, Not Fear" are Evan's three rules for making relationships work. She explains that there is One Spirit, of which each of us possesses a little and which connects us to the Universe. Evan also offers exercises for single or dating readers. Hampered by a fuzzy and somewhat repetitive style (readers will wish they had a nickel for each time she proclaims that she's never had a patient die owing to an emotion), this book is a marginal purchase for most libraries.
Copyright 2001 Reed Business Information, Inc.

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Paperback: 356 pages
• Publisher: Alyson Books; 1 edition (June 1, 2001)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1555836399
• ISBN-13: 978-1555836399
• Product Dimensions: 9 x 6 x 0.9 inches
• Shipping Weight: 15 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 4.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (5 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,326,398 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

8 of 8 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Not what I expected, but exactly what I needed, September 11, 2006

By 

Jarred L. Harris "pensive witch" (Rochester, NY USA) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Break Up or Break Through (Paperback)

I originally picked this book up just before I ended a four year relationship. I originally bought it with the intention of giving it to my then boyfriend, but ended up reading it and keeping it for myself. Even though I broke up with said boyfriend, I learned a lot from the book.

This book is not so much about how to "fix" relationships as it is to learn how to make personal growth and healing a part of your relationships. The author's position -- and I'm inclined to concur -- is that in doing so, one's relationships will also grow, heal, and become more resilient and flexible.

The author spends a great deal of time talking about setting up and honoring boundaries, facing fears rather than projecting them onto the relationship, and understanding when a relationship is not about "the relationship," but about something that one or one's partner is struggling to work through on their own. She also stresses the importance of letting your partner work out their own problems and giving them an understanding ear rather than taking on the job of solving their problems.

This book is not for the person who wants a quick band-aid for their relationship. Instead, it is for the person who wants to become more self-aware and true to their innermost being, both when they're alone and when they're sharing their loves with someone else.

2 of 2 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Break Up or Break Through, October 13, 2004

By 

S. Mencer (Ohio) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   

This review is from: Break Up or Break Through (Paperback)

I loved this book. It is no-nonsense plain talk about being REAL as opposed to be "good" or "perfect" for someone else. Her words ring true and her exercises promote self-awareness, the first step in self-acceptance. I am a stronger person in a better relationship for having read it. Pick it up and browse through it in the bookstore. You'll probably take it home and be very glad you did!

4.0 out of 5 stars relationships from a spiritual perspective. helpful for anyone., August 19, 2008

By 

smart flower "smart flower" - See all my reviews

This review is from: Break Up or Break Through (Paperback)

This book is apparently written with the gay community in mind, but it is applicable to anyone. Insightful ways of looking at yourself in relationships, interesting questionnaires, and it definitely has a lot to offer for anyone looking for a way to let go of fear and create deeper, transformative and fulfilling relationships.