Customer Reviews

Breaking Apart : A Memoir of Divorce

5 star:		(15)
4 star:		(2)
3 star:		(1)
2 star:		(3)
1 star:		(11)

 

 

I have a problem with books like this. Although the world certainly has an overabundance of people with "problems" that can neither be ignored nor assumed to simply patch themselves up over time, it seems rather unfortunate that Ms. Swallow has determined to openly flay her ex-husband (in and of itself a rather cold, heartless, and calculated move against someone who - according to Ms. Swallow herself - does not have the emotional capacity to defend or redeem himself) as well as display her children's trauma to the world.

There are reasons for the psychological and psychiatric professions. I'm going to safely bet that if going through a painful divorce, it would be much more cathartic (and much more advantageous for the family as a whole) to actually visit a professional of some sort, rather than attempt to self-diagnose and engage in the "woe is me" fest that books like this represent.

There is nothing even remotely helpful in Ms. Swallow's book - unless you find it helpful to have yet another example of the self-absorbtion of many divorced parents.

Ms. Swallow's children will eventually grow up - when they do, I can only hope that they will seek professional guidance, rather than following in their mother's footsteps and foisting more atrociously self-serving writing onto us all.

My own divorce experience is rather different from
Ms. Swallow's. Instead of an active participant, as she was, I was a
13 year old child in the center of a nasty divorce. Now 3 years later,
I can look back into it with eyes that are slightly less emotional,
but until a week ago, their own feelings, however torrential and
visable, were something of a mystery to me.

Until I read Breaking
Apart. As I opened the book, it was a mystery to me. Why I read the
book is something of a mystery to me, as memoirs have often struck me
as an indulgent genre, the chicken fried steak of literature. But as
my eyes darted into and through the book (I read its 352 pages in
about 1.5 hours), something clarified within me. Through
Ms. Swallows's clear, engaging prose, I learned what it meant to go
through divorce as an participant. The sorrow of being torn apart from
your partner dawned upon me. The similarties between a childs and a
wives divorce experiences shocked me. I remembered, as did swallow,
the feelings of destruction of yourself, that you are dust in a cruel
world. It is a beautiful, powerful book. ...

Please press the little
"order the book" button to get this deeply mooving
memoir. Even if you have never been subjected to the perticular
ravages of divorce, read it to learn something about the world, read
it because it is beautifully written, read it because it is a powerful
book.

As a divorced father of two, I tried to share the author's pain as she slowly delves into her own experiences. However, as I read chapter after chapter, I found out more about her own emotional problems than her husband's supposed ones. How could any good mother publicly denigrate the character of her children's father? One day her poor sons will realize how she put their pain on display in order to satisfy her fear that she was as much responsibile for the failure of her marriage as her husband.

There is a lot of vitriol for this book in the older reviews that I read. Perhaps that is understandable, as divorce is a minefield of a topic and danger lurks at each step. But I read this book from a different vantage point: it is one woman's story of her marriage and the dissolution of that marriage. It was thoughtfully written, at times painful, and in the end, Swallow leaves us with a note of hope.

Part of what Swallow accomplishes while telling her story is accepting that yes, she must share the blame for the end of her marriage. Human relationships are complex; marriages are especially complex because there are so many bonds. Part of what makes this memoir ultimately a story about hope is the way in which she learns to relate to her ex-husband as a partner--no longer a marriage partner but rather a parent partner. Perhaps an appropriate analogy is that during her separation, she grew up and found a way to equalize the power dynamic that had eluded her throughout her marriage. She became her own person, and that was something I celebrated as I read the book.

Finally, the children. I can only stand in awe at the colossal task of raising children after divorce. Some reviewers have expressed concern or disgust at the idea that Swallow would air the dirty laundry of her family life for the whole world to see. I wonder if her children might actually benefit from being able to read her memoir because it will help them to understand themselves and their upbringing better. Perhaps knowing their mother's story will help them make wise choices if and when they decide to partner with someone and have children of their own. If nothing else, I think they will feel how very loved they were by both parents, even if their parents no longer loved each other.

This book is so realistic and gives a unique view of what it's really like to go through divorce. It's also helpful by illustrating some mistakes she made that others could avoid. I recommend it to anyone who is considering divorce.

An interesting and well-written memoir which will resonate with any woman who has experienced divorce, especially if she has children. I'm eager to read Swallow's next book.

I have never written a review here, but I just looked at the negative reviews and I felt compelled to defend this book that was my life-line at a certain point in my life. I think, that unless you have experienced something similar to this -- and not all divorces or marriages mirror this -- it is difficult to understand. I was married to a very intelligent, charming, and bi-polar man as well. It really helped me to step outside myself and see the situation from a different vantage point to understand why I made the choices I did, like having a second child, then a third. I cried, nodded and talked to the book the whole way through. It was such a close mirror to what happened to me. It was also a great book to give to my mother, my best friend and my sisters who were never privvy to just how bad things were until it was over. It helped them understand what it was like for me. She ended it with hope for me that the future was going to be OK. Now I have just discovered her sequel, memoirs on remarriage. Once again she is a step ahead of me in the same life path. I remarried last weekend. This book may not be great for someone who has never had a similar experience. But for anyone who has clung to a dream of the way life should be despite being emotionally battered, and then faces reality, will definitely appreciate it.

I had considered reading this book after finding on this site an odd mix of older, mostly negative reviews, immediately followed by a cluster of positive comments. I have to say, despite my best intentions, I wasn't particularly moved by the end. I'm uncomfortable with the overly sentimental style Swallow throws out, particularly in relation to her personal problems. This is not material that lends to melodrama if children of divorce are meant to read and apply to their own lives. I fear all they will come away with is more than they needed to know about not divorce, but the author.

While I could see this book becoming a respectable late night Lifetime movie, I would hardly call it a must read. The book chronicles (in agonizing detail) the authors separation and subsequent divorce. The thinly veiled attempt at helping others through this difficult process is frequently overshadowed by seemingly unending pleas for sympathy and desperate attempts for the validation of her feelings.

If you are going through a similar situation, I would avoid this book at all costs. Upon finishing this book, you may, as the author did, have a completely distorted perception of your life and the rest of the world. On the other hand, if you would like to wallow in the misery of a failed relationship and convince yourself that a worse fate cannot befall you, order this book immediately.

While I could see this book becoming a respectable late night Lifetime movie, I would hardly call it a must read. The book chronicles (in agonizing detail) the authors separation and subsequent divorce. The thinly veiled attempt at helping others through this difficult process is frequently overshadowed by seemingly unending pleas for sympathy and desperate attempts for the validation of her feelings.

If you are going through a similar situation, I would avoid this book at all costs. Upon finishing this book, you may, as the author did, have a completely distorted perception of your life and the rest of the world. On the other hand, if you would like to wallow in the misery of a failed relationship and convince yourself that a worse fate cannot befall you, order this book immediately.