34 of 37 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars
Very useful information, but does have some shortcomings, August 28, 2006
This review is from: Breaking Free From Boomerang Love: Getting Unhooked from Abusive Borderline Relationships (Paperback)
This is a unique book in that it presents how to become disentangled from a relationship with someone who has borderline personality disorder. Most books are aimed at the person with BPD and not the people on the receiving end of the dysfunctional behavior. I can see where this is very helpful, for many people and the advice is sound.
The basic premise of the book is that someone suffering from BPD is going to keep your life on a roller coaster and that you can't reasonably expect quick results or magical solutions. It puts the burden back on the person in the relationship to determine why they are in it and why they allow themselves to keep being treated poorly in the face of little change or no change.
The parts that were particularly poignant involved articulating the pain of someone who is in love with someone with this disorder. It really paints a clear picture of what it feels like to be in relationship with someone with Borderline Personality Disorder.
The solutions presented are straightforward and practical. The premise is that the loved one of someone with BPD has to look at their own codependent behavior around trying to rescue someone who requires intensive psychotherapy and/or medication. It's a reality that BPD is difficult to treat under the best circumstances and it is just plain unrealistic to expect a loved one with this problem to suddenly get better by themselves or with short-term therapy.
People with BPD can and often are very intelligent and charming. When they are at their best, which could be for a considerable length of time, it is easy to believe they might change. The stage of over-valuation is also very seductive, unfortunately, it eventually swings to devaluation and acting out. A relationship defined by these characteristics is "crazy making" and this author is very clear about the path forward which is something many people need to hear in no uncertain terms. At a minimum, they need to understand what they are dealing with and make an informed choice. This is not something most people involved with a BPD partner do.
While the book has some very good content, I think it could be better organized and the cartoons were more of a distraction for me than an enhancement. They also didn't seem to fit with the serious tone of the book. I also didn't think the book hung together as well as it could with more work around structure.
There aren't a lot of good books out there on this specific topic, but I can imagine a better one. Still, I think it is worth buying and you will benefit from reading it. However, I expect more in terms of writing, organization and presentation. Hopefully, they will clean it up in the next revision or someone will write a better one.
Nonetheless, this book does address the problem and in this sense it is invaluable. If you are in a relationship with someone with borderline disorder, this could be your life preserver.
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50 of 60 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Making sense of the insanity, May 31, 2006
This review is from: Breaking Free From Boomerang Love: Getting Unhooked from Abusive Borderline Relationships (Paperback)
The most striking part of this book is that it clears the mistaken notion that is prevelent in being involved with a personality disordered person that the underlying problem is you. Borderlines make a person feel so loved, so secure etc., in the begining (high value stage) and then a free-fall into insainity when the person completely morphs into a different personality, whom is cold, super angry, emotionally out of control and totally unreasonable and you find yourself lying emotionally wide-open, flat on your back, wondering what in the hell happened. (de-valuation stage) I have also found that these stages are predictible. In my case, the borderline I was involved with made a complete transformation every 90 days. Education and status are irrelevent with this disorder, my involvement was with a "mental health professional" whom was very adept at hiding the symptoms for BPD. One way of protecting yourself is to really try to know as much as possible about their relationship history. A middle age person, whom is over-adoring and loving, but has a history of failed relationships is displaying a huge RED FLAG, because BPD's cannot maintain long term relationships unless they become involved with a co-dependent, who keeps "hanging in there" hoping for that person to eventually begin to act "normal". This book is an excellent resource for anyone involved in a relationshp with a borderline. This book helps one to see that the only reasonable course of action is to remove yourself from the relationship, if at all possible. Borderlines very rarely improve and if they do, it is usually fleeting and generally they continue to get worse, regardless of medication and therapy. Positive outcomes with BPD is very rare, ask any experienced therapist, or read the DSM mannual. Suffering can be defined as trying to change the unchangeable. A great book for understanding whats really going on and regaining your life and well-being.
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20 of 22 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
A must for those healing from a BPD relationship, February 15, 2005
This review is from: Breaking Free From Boomerang Love: Getting Unhooked from Abusive Borderline Relationships (Paperback)
In her book Boomerang Love, Ms. Melville shares her insight and experience in surviving the insanity of a Borderline relationship. As I read her book I felt as though I was reading a journal of my chaotic marriage with my BPD wife; except I was reading Ms. Melville's words. Her shared experiences and life lessons served as great validation in gaining an understanding that I was not alone in my experiences with dealing with a loved one with this all consuming disorder. Ms. Melville's book belongs in every therapists office and every Non's book collection, as it provides a rare insight into the life of a person in the difficult position of recovering from the abuse sustained in a Borderline relationship. I would highly recommend this book to all friends and family members of someone diagnosed or suspected to have Borderline Peronality Disorder.
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