Customer Reviews

Breaking Free from the Victim Trap: Reclaiming Your Personal Power

5 star:		(5)
4 star:		(1)
3 star:		(0)
2 star:		(1)
1 star:		(0)

 

 

This should be a best seller for 10 years! I had just gotten stung by another betrayal and backstabbing event, I was depressed and felt hopeless... at age 45 (now 64) I had repeated this cycle a thousand times and more... from rescuing family, to erstwhile friends and boyfriends, not to mention unbelievably loser husbands, I felt like committing suicide! It was a rainy westcoast day in Everett, Wa, when I walked into a Unity bookstore, barely functioning and on a lunch break hoping to find some solace in this store as I had done so many times before... Suddenly this book popped out at me! I looked at it and looked again as my heart pounded! You mean someone actually understood that there was such a thing as a "Victim TRAP?"??? I was immediately thrilled and grabbed it off the shelf as if someone might get their hands on it before I did. My heart soared with hope and I couldn't put the book down.

What I learned about myself, the almost mystical triangle (you WILL play all three parts once you step onto the triangle-go-round, whether you are the Rescuer, or you claim to be the Victim, or whether you are the finger wagging persecutor... any of these positions that you 'fall into' (just like a trap), not to mention becoming an addicct to the DRAMA of each part, will inevitably lead you/me to becoming a Victim all over again.

I admit some of the book was tough to take at times as Dianne lays out all the pieces of the puzzle and helps you put them into their places, layer after layer, game after game, of roles we play, the games we get sucked into whether with ourselves or with others (even our pets!). But throughout the process Ms. Zimberoff reveals the secret... it is us! It is taking a position of POWER Vs. the innocent Victim, that we begin to CREATE a new life, a new expectation from ourselves and others... and ONLY then will we be 'set free' from a victim lifestyle.

What she perhaps doesn't warn enough about is when you decide you've had enough 'Black Holes' sucking you into their light sucking vortex, losing your energy, time, money, mind, etc., and you finally take a stand, you will meet resistance and even shunning from co-workers expecting you to rescue them, your children who refuse to grow up, your relatives that are 'always' in a big dramatic [self-made] crisis and expect you to bail them out as you have always done... These people will not be happy campers when you choose to no-longer give your life away to co-dependency, addiction to drama, the "need" to rescue, etc. They think they have your "number" and will whittle away on your soul fully expecting you to give in... and often we capitulate much to our chagrin.

But in the end, if you grew up in an addicted, abusive, manipulative and toxic, dysfunctional family, it is truly the only way out and on up to freedom from the "People of the Lie". Eventually we learn to turn our caretaking upon ourselves, walk carefully among our mine-field of self-made victims, loving them, but no longer being controlled by their unwillingness to grow up and take responsibility for their dramas, traumas and addictions.

I ended up ordering 10 of them from Ms. Zimberoff's website back in the 80's and have since grabbed any copy I've seen in a used book store or thrift store to share with people who, just like me, kept rescuing only to be doubly victimized by our "helpless, innocent, victims"!

The author describes dysfunctional families as those being co-dependent within a victim-persecutor-rescuer triangle. Although the author is a marriage and family therapist and on the back cover it is stated that she created a therapy model called 'Heart Centered Hypnotherapy', I was surprised to find a lack of compassion in her book. She gives many examples of her clients and it felt to me that her overall feel for them was utter disgust. She seems to assume the worst of each client .... families with alot of children purposely have that many kids to become or remain victims. rape victims attracted the rape because of faulty thought processes, children attract their victimization because of decisions made in the womb or shortly thereafter.

Read cautiously if you are feeling fragile with regards to any guilt or the normal processing of your own or your family's victimization. This author will call you a self-pitier, a whiner, a complainer, and attribute many unkind motives to why you have 'attracted' this into your life. She will encourage you to repeat affirmations such as 'I am 100% responsible for what I attract into my life". Since everything from car accidents to a child's parents arguing is something that was 'attracted' into a person's life, it gets pretty discouraging.

I tried to weed through the harsh and judgemental attitude of this author, rescuer turned persecutor, and get something good out of the book. It was difficult but I did find some usable stuff.

I hope there are other books out there a little kinder and gentler with regards to people who have been victimized.

Author shows how to deal with growing up in dysfunctional home and how to become a victor, not a victim. The book explains the dynamics of personal relationships & how to improve them & be a success. Author has a set of self-help audiotapes available through the Wellness Institute that are well worth listening to. There isn't any reason why we can't become I CAN Americans like we used to be. Read this book now!

Better than Co-Dependent No More - more thorough, especially in dealing with non-addict type relationships - more about co-dependecy in general and the triangle - recommended by my therapist.

This book gets beyond the surface to the heart of the matter. Great reading for everyone. We all like to feel a bit sorry for ourselves once in a while, some more than others. If you only read one self help book - let it be this one.

The ideas in this book have changed my life. Being able to take care of my inner child and changing my decisions have let me be responsible and attract what I want into my life. If you are looking for healing I highly recommend this book.

This book had some really good insights in regards to the dynamics involved with victim relationships. It will certainly add depth of understanding to most people seeking knowledge of victims and family systems that create and keep people mired in such mind sets. It helped me realize I had to do some forgiving of some things I was holding on to so that I could gain some of my power back. I give it 5 stars for the way that insight was conveyed. Author sings praise for hypnosis in every chapter which was distracting and claimed people could go back to when they where in the womb and correct feeling of being unwanted. That I don't buy. If you can look past some kookiness that gets repetitive after a few chapters then there is some good info here.