Customer Reviews

The Breaking Point : How Female Midlife Crisis Is Transforming Today's Women

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As a career consultant who works with midlife professionals, and a fan of Sue Shellenbarger, I was eager to read The Breaking Point. And mostly I was not disappointed.

I like the way Shellenbarger treats midlife crisis respectfully, rather than comparing midlife to a "second adolescence." She begins by exploring her own motivation and then sets out to understand the research in the field. I am familiar with the work of Professor Elaine Wethington, who is quoted to set the stage for a research perspective. However, I wish the author had reviewed other research and other respected authors, such as Jean Shinoda Bolen's work on goddesses of midlife.

Additionally, I was impressed that the author has interviewed fifty women. And, like many reporters, she makes her points by narrative rather than summing up.

On the other hand, I felt the book's organization could have been tighter. Shellenbarger identifies six archetypes: lover, adventurer, leader, gardener, artist and seeker. The book spends about 30 pages on the lover archetype, which Shellenbarger describes as potentially dangerous, and 15 pages each on the other archetypes. Was the lover predominant in her own study? Or did she (and the editors) believe this archetype would draw the greatest interest from readers?

It would have been interesting to get at least two or three stories for each archetype. The Gardener, for instance, is represented only by "Melanie." Following a series of career mistakes and miscarriages, the author writes, "For most of her adult life, Melanie...regarded herself as a 'happpy, active sensible person with a couople of good friends, a good marriage and a loveable son.'" (p 154)

Yet the archeype of Gardener suggests someone who has roamed the world and now is ready to come home. Why not give some examples here?

Shellenbarger wisely classifies her book as journalism, with no pretense of advice or self-help exercises. Even so, it is important to recognize that the fifty interviewees will be far from representative. They've offered to share their stories, which means they had time to do so, and they apparently believed their stories presented a positive image. They may have experienced some setbacks but they've triumphed.

Ultimately, an indirect lesson of this book is that midlife crisis belongs to the rich and educated. One woman begins twice-weekly sessions with a psychiatrist. All I could think was, "She must have had one great health plan -- or lots of money." These options are not open to most women 40-60. Many find themselves facing a more down-to-earth crisis as they lose jobs -- or their husbands lose jobs.

Bottom Line: Some women will be comforted or inspired as they recognize their own archetype. But the larger question relates to the way our culture and infrastructure still cling to old stereotypes. We may be getting stronger, more vibrant and more alive...but what do we do with these qualities?

I'm a 41-year-old woman who has already gone through a midlife crisis. Ten years ago there were no books like Shellenbarger's to "help" me with my process. Instead all we had were examples of men's midlife crisis, including the purchasing of red convertible sports cars and divorcing their wives for some hot, young thing. Shellenbarger sheds light on not only the reasons behind women's midlife crisis but also the ways "we" handle this time in our lives. I'm fascinated by the six different archetypes, or the passions women are drawn to as a result of their crisis, including the lover, adventurer, leader, artist, internal gardener, seeker and artist, that Shellenbarger found in her research. Although a word of caution here, the research is more like sitting around a table and talking with a group of friends than taking a poll of a 1000 women about this phenomenon. But that's what makes the book interesting and readable, you'll perhaps recognize yourself or your friends or family members in these women's stories.

This book was recommended to me and I foolishly bought it without checking the reviews on amazon. That'll teach me! I should have borrowed the book from the library and saved the money for a really useful book. I am a white middle class 53 year old woman with a rollercoaster of a past. I did not feel a connection with any of the (probably) white upper middle to upper class women who had untapped talents and had been personally selected by the author or had referred to her for inclusion in this "study" (and I use the term loosely). I am coping with middle age just fine without breaking a collarbone or having sex with multiple partners. What do I have common with the CEOs or most of the other women in this book? Nada. Well, the lesson I learned from this book was not the one the author intended: check the amazon reviews before I buy a book!

This book reminds me of another book on the same subject by Martha Beck called Breaking Point: Why Women Fall Apart and How They Can Re-crete their Lives. I was very surprised at this similarity. Beck's book puts the situation into a well articulated social, political, historical and economic context. While Shellenbarger's seems to be more of just the stories. I'd recommend both for people to compare and enhance their understanding of the topic.

For years Sue Shellenbarger has written a "Work and Family" column for the Wall Street Journal, one of the first to focus on the practical consequences of juggling careers and home. She's not a psychologist or sociologist, and doesn't pretend this is a scientific study. Rather, she tells the stories of women who reach the mid-point of their lives and find that somehow it doesn't work anymore. It's much more than menopause, the empty nest syndrome or a mid-life crisis. The author lays out six "archetypes"--representing six types of change women seek--the leader, the lover, the adventurer, etc. It made sense to me--I know far too many women who reach mid-life and abandon successful careers and start new ones, travel--with or without spouse, begin new ventures or new businesses.

When I was 40, I attended my husband's 35th college reunion--he and his classmates were in their mid-50's. I listened in on a women's breakfast meeting, and heard thrilling stories one after the other from women who were soaring, having finally completed child-rearing and the struggles to establish careers. What was going on I wondered?--being only 40, they'd seemed old to me. Now I understand!

I bought the audio book and I didn't like the way the woman read the material. Her voice was sappy and affected which was a real turn off for me. I felt the examples used in the book didn't quite capture a wide enough variety of woman. I actually came away feeling worse about "midlife crisis" which was not my purpose in purchasing the book. It was typical of the material out there already. Nothing fresh or new. For example, "the gardener" was one of the categories of women in mid-life crisis. Cut me a break! That is the old stereotype of a middle aged woman. There weren't enough modern references.

...add up to more than any one book can offer.

I've been reading this book, along with several others that, together, help give us the "big picture" of what it means to be a woman in midlife. Our mothers didn't have these stories to share--or didn't believe that they had permission to speak the stories aloud. These books break the silence that so often accompanies stories of aging in our "growing younger" culture.

Also recommended: KISS TOMORROW HELLO: NOTES FROM THE MIDLIFE UNDERGROUND BY 25 WOMEN OVER 40.

When I read a review of this book, I was interested and checked it out of the library. It was a quick and easy read, and, unfortunately, also a disappointment.

In author Shellenbarger's favor, it must be said that the book is literate, well-organized and based on a reasonable methodology of data collection. It even has footnotes. It categorizes female midlife crisis into specific types, and gives defining examples of each.

However, _The Breaking Point_ is also quite superficial, despite a few offhand references to Jungian psychology. After awhile, the collected personal stories which are used as examples start to sound like a litany of airheaded people who made bad decisions (dropped out of college to get married, married emotionally remote men, tried to mold themselves according to other people's expectations) and eventually wound up paying the price. The book also has virtually no perspectives that are not rooted in the last 50 years of human experience, which makes it difficult to take seriously.

I am a 52-year-old woman, recently retired, and I find it impossible to identify with these people. I also find it absolutely astonishing that anyone should find the notion of continued personal growth a radical solution to any problem.

This book may possibly be of assistance to women who are like those the author interviewed. There is at least one piece of sensible advice herein: throwing yourself into a series of sexual or romantic affairs may be dangerous to your mental health and your marriage.

Sorry, Sue, nice concept, weak execution.

I was glad to have found this book during a time in which I needed a lifeline. Reconizing that many women face similar issues is comforting. Understanding that going through a difficult time can also be a path to becoming stronger and happier is the key. Although it doesn't have all the answers, because we are all so different, it gives perspective. I highly recommend it.

This is a must read book for any woman approaching mid-life or well into it! Very insightful reading and most women will be able to relate to the information provided. The examples given of other women's experiences through this time of many changes are most helpful. I would very highly recommend this book.