Breaking Up with God: A Love Story [Hardcover]

Sarah Sentilles (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: June 7, 2011

I broke up with God. The breakup was devastating. It was like a divorce when all the friends you had as a couple are forced to choose sides and end up not choosing yours.

Sarah Sentilles's relationship with God was not casual. When it began to unravel she was in the ordination process to become an Episcopal priest, a youth minister at a church, and a doctoral student in theology at Harvard. You might say they were engaged and that the wedding was all planned. Calling it off would be more than a little awkward. But in the studying of the religion she'd been raised on and believed wholeheartedly, one day she woke up and realized . . . it was over.

In this powerful memoir of faith, Sentilles reveals how deep our ties to God can be, and how devastating they can be to break. Without God to mold herself to and without religion as her script, who was she and what was her purpose? Her relationship with God had been connected to everything—her family, her friends, her vocation, the places she frequented, the language she used, and her way of being in the world.

Not unlike after a divorce, she had to reorient her life and face a future that felt darkly unfamiliar. But this beautiful, brave book is surprisingly filled with hope, a coming-out story that lets others know it's safe to come out too, and that there's light on the other side.

Editorial Reviews

Review

“Breaking Up With God is a beautiful reminder that truth is found in questions, not answers, in seeking, not finding. From Sarah Sentilles, I have learned my ‘No’ to God can be every bit as helpful as my ‘Yes.’” (Philip Gulley, author of If the Church Were Christian )

“Sarah Sentilles’ book is a treasure and a triumph of the heart. Wise, funny, and fearless, she dares to take the ultimate questions seriously enough to be outrageously honest. May her journey be a challenge to those whose imperturbable faith may filter out the anguish and fragility of our world.” (Joanna Macy, author of World as Lover, World as Self. )

“Honest, like down-to-the-core honest, beyond what most people are capable of, especially in public on the topic of faith. I admire her as much for her conviction as for her talent as a writer.” (Kelly Corrigan, author of the New York Times bestsellers The Middle Place and Lift )

“Provocative, penetrating, honest and real. Sarah Sentilles, in chronicling her own story, chronicles the journey that all of us must take in search of our own humanity. Would that institutional religion were big enough to embrace and affirm her work.” (John Shelby Spong, author of Sins of Scripture )

“There is so much to love about this book...Her language is always straightforward, and her voice is strong and consistent, but straightforward isn’t just simple. At times the language is exalted, breathtaking, captivating and just stupid f-ing brilliant.” (The Parish )

“This is a wonderfully moving book, written with rare elegance, real passion, warm humor, and penetrating insight. Breaking Up With God will comfort those who no longer believe, guide those who are plagued with doubts, and challenge those who wonder how anyone could leave the faith.” (Bart D. Ehrman, author of Misquoting Jesus )

“[Sentilles] tells her story in a way that is never preachy or pushy. She is not angry or bitter and seems to have no intention of converting readers to her viewpoint. She simply shares her journey with a tenderness and authenticity that is both heartbreaking and hopeful.” (Library Journal )

About the Author

Sarah Sentilles is the author of A Church of Her Own and Taught by America. She is a scholar of religion and earned a bachelor's degree in literature from Yale and a master's of divinity and a doctorate in theology from Harvard. She lives in Portland, Oregon.

Product Details

• Hardcover: 256 pages
• Publisher: HarperOne (June 7, 2011)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0061946869
• ISBN-13: 978-0061946868
• Product Dimensions: 8.3 x 5.5 x 1.1 inches
• Shipping Weight: 12 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 3.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (44 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #164,451 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

25 of 28 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars Reads Like a Novel, June 3, 2011

By 

The Spinozanator "Spinozanator" (Harlingen, Texas) - See all my reviews
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This review is from: Breaking Up with God: A Love Story (Hardcover)

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Sarah Sentilles bares her soul in this rather complex memoir as she writes about many issues: growing up in a religious family where the Episcopalean mother begrudgingly joins the father's Catholic church, fighting bulimia, the usual issues of becoming an adult - but mainly, how she loses her faith. Her insecurities about herself are constantly intertwined with her relationship with God. I was struck by how vulnerable she pictures herself to be while waltzing right through Ivy League schools.

Readers are privy to her tumultuous spiritual life while she gets a degree in literature from Yale, serves in the Teach For America program (a "within our borders" version of the peace corps), attends Harvard Divinity School, gets in and then out of an Episcopalean ordination program for the priesthood, and finally, finishes a PhD in Theology at Harvard. At the commencement for Harvard Divinity School she was chosen to be the student speaker. Academically, this girl is not a lightweight - she presents herself to be more fragile than she apparently is.

Her writing is irreverent, matter-of-fact, and elegant - all at the same time: "It was like an arranged marriage, my faith, God like an older man: He invited my parents to his house. They sipped wine and ate bread. They promised him their firstborn."

Her split with organized religion had something to do with feminism. Most of her teachers were female and they made it painfully clear what a misogynist book the Bible is. It also had to do with the other well-known liberal theologians she studied under - Gordon Kaufman and John Shelby Spong, among others - while she simultaneously had a position in a church, preparing her for the Episcopal priesthood. "The distance between the theology I studied in school and the theology being practiced in the pews and preached from the pulpit by the other priests on the staff was enormous.....Divinity school had been like an autopsy of my faith and it didn't look the same any more....The vision of God being worshipped in that place was so narrow. In our weekly staff meetings we barely talked about God. Theology, it seemed, was not the point of running a church. Being an institution was the point."

In the end, I believe this is a "coming of age" book. Our author grew up, got a first-rate education, and eventually found ways to express her spirituality in ways that suited her. Her story is completely unique - a bit of a soap opera, but hard to put down.

6 of 6 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars A brave work of literature from a former believer., October 3, 2011

By 

Rachel (Pearland, TX, USA) - See all my reviews
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This review is from: Breaking Up with God: A Love Story (Hardcover)

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I knew I would have a lot in common with the author of this book, and I was intrigued, because the fact that the author would write such a memoir shows more bravery than I can muster to even really admit my loss of religion to myself. In my experience, the "religious minority" seems to be everyone; and as much as Christians claim to be persecuted, those outside the religion are truly shunned. So it was comforting to read her story, especially since it mirrored my own life so much. This book is not written as some angst-filled teen who decides to leave her faith out of rebellion. It's not even about going through some major personal trauma that makes her begin to question religion. Her internal battle over her spiritual beliefs comes from much depth and learning. It was just so amazing to read that someone else has felt and thought so many of the same things I have.

I wouldn't say though, that this is only a book for those who were once religious but are now disillusioned. There is value in this book for the devout, so that if they are interested, they can gain perspective into what makes some believers leave the faith. And I would also say that there is value in this book for those who were not raised in the church, and do not know what that experience is like. I think that this book has some great insight for anyone who seeks to look beyond the institution of religion, toward theology and philosophy.

12 of 15 people found the following review helpful:

3.0 out of 5 stars Grappling with a difficult subject, June 2, 2011

By 

Stanley Hauer (Hattiesburg, MS USA) - See all my reviews
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This review is from: Breaking Up with God: A Love Story (Hardcover)

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I confess that I wanted this book to be more hard-hitting, more rigorously intellectual than it is. I found the middle section the most interesting--Ms. Sentilles's wrestling with the discoveries of graduate school and how she dealt with them. The first third of the book is a sentimental memoir, the last third a requiem for a life that never could be.

There are some good zingers here: when one fat-headed parking attendant informed a female clergy member that "there aren't any women priests in the Bible," he is greeted with the response, "There aren't any cars in the Bible either." Bingo!

I read this book in one sitting, with great empathy for the author. Let's consider this a first draft for the book she really needs to write.