Customer Reviews

Breaking Up with God: A Love Story

5 star:		(17)
4 star:		(8)
3 star:		(10)
2 star:		(8)
1 star:		(1)

 

 

Sarah Sentilles bares her soul in this rather complex memoir as she writes about many issues: growing up in a religious family where the Episcopalean mother begrudgingly joins the father's Catholic church, fighting bulimia, the usual issues of becoming an adult - but mainly, how she loses her faith. Her insecurities about herself are constantly intertwined with her relationship with God. I was struck by how vulnerable she pictures herself to be while waltzing right through Ivy League schools.

Readers are privy to her tumultuous spiritual life while she gets a degree in literature from Yale, serves in the Teach For America program (a "within our borders" version of the peace corps), attends Harvard Divinity School, gets in and then out of an Episcopalean ordination program for the priesthood, and finally, finishes a PhD in Theology at Harvard. At the commencement for Harvard Divinity School she was chosen to be the student speaker. Academically, this girl is not a lightweight - she presents herself to be more fragile than she apparently is.

Her writing is irreverent, matter-of-fact, and elegant - all at the same time: "It was like an arranged marriage, my faith, God like an older man: He invited my parents to his house. They sipped wine and ate bread. They promised him their firstborn."

Her split with organized religion had something to do with feminism. Most of her teachers were female and they made it painfully clear what a misogynist book the Bible is. It also had to do with the other well-known liberal theologians she studied under - Gordon Kaufman and John Shelby Spong, among others - while she simultaneously had a position in a church, preparing her for the Episcopal priesthood. "The distance between the theology I studied in school and the theology being practiced in the pews and preached from the pulpit by the other priests on the staff was enormous.....Divinity school had been like an autopsy of my faith and it didn't look the same any more....The vision of God being worshipped in that place was so narrow. In our weekly staff meetings we barely talked about God. Theology, it seemed, was not the point of running a church. Being an institution was the point."

In the end, I believe this is a "coming of age" book. Our author grew up, got a first-rate education, and eventually found ways to express her spirituality in ways that suited her. Her story is completely unique - a bit of a soap opera, but hard to put down.

I knew I would have a lot in common with the author of this book, and I was intrigued, because the fact that the author would write such a memoir shows more bravery than I can muster to even really admit my loss of religion to myself. In my experience, the "religious minority" seems to be everyone; and as much as Christians claim to be persecuted, those outside the religion are truly shunned. So it was comforting to read her story, especially since it mirrored my own life so much. This book is not written as some angst-filled teen who decides to leave her faith out of rebellion. It's not even about going through some major personal trauma that makes her begin to question religion. Her internal battle over her spiritual beliefs comes from much depth and learning. It was just so amazing to read that someone else has felt and thought so many of the same things I have.

I wouldn't say though, that this is only a book for those who were once religious but are now disillusioned. There is value in this book for the devout, so that if they are interested, they can gain perspective into what makes some believers leave the faith. And I would also say that there is value in this book for those who were not raised in the church, and do not know what that experience is like. I think that this book has some great insight for anyone who seeks to look beyond the institution of religion, toward theology and philosophy.

I confess that I wanted this book to be more hard-hitting, more rigorously intellectual than it is. I found the middle section the most interesting--Ms. Sentilles's wrestling with the discoveries of graduate school and how she dealt with them. The first third of the book is a sentimental memoir, the last third a requiem for a life that never could be.

There are some good zingers here: when one fat-headed parking attendant informed a female clergy member that "there aren't any women priests in the Bible," he is greeted with the response, "There aren't any cars in the Bible either." Bingo!

I read this book in one sitting, with great empathy for the author. Let's consider this a first draft for the book she really needs to write.

Sarah Sentilles grew up striving for God, and upon reaching adulthood decided to enter the Episcopal priesthood. She finally ended up on Harvard Divinity School's ordination track. However, all was not well with Ms. Sentilles' relationship with the Almighty and, as documented in this fine memoir, her inner turmoil finally came to a head.

We begin the author's story with some insight into her early life and religious leanings, but the book hits its stride once she lands at Harvard. As she pursues her divinity degree, Ms. Sentilles discovers that Harvard's openness to theological diversity doesn't translate well to church-level ministry. She chafes against doctrinal rigidity and patriarchal subordination, all the while wrestling with nagging doubts and uncomfortable questions about the nature of God and the darker side of Scripture.

I identified with Ms. Sentilles' struggle in many ways. Like the author, I was a longtime believer who served in ministry and graduated from seminary (although I'm sure my student loans weren't nearly as steep as hers). As she did, I continued to confront my issues with Christianity and refuse anesthetic answers until eventually I came to the conclusion that my faith was untenable. And we both sometimes miss the comfort of the old ways.

Some readers will probably dismiss the ultra-liberal author as an unsaved person going through religious motions. Indeed, my former conservative evangelical Christian self would have doubted that her name was in the Book of Life as well. But really, all she did was think outside of the theological box and uncover who really hangs out behind the curtain. Perhaps all roads can lead to the same rational place.

"Breaking Up With God" is an excellent example of how a critically thinking believer in God was finally unable to reconcile faith with experience and came to a difficult - and courageous - conclusion. Recommended.

I thoroughly enjoyed Sarah's book. Take religion out of it if you 'd like - she talks about many things that we have all dealt with growing up (image, relationships, parents, college, etc) - In all honesty, it was a great read, sort of a trip down memory lane, on many levels. And, my mom read it first, she also thoroughly enjoyed it..... Nicely done. I look forward to the next...

Sentilles presents herself as a bright but fragile and uncertain woman who obviously has had self-esteem problems from the start. Her venture into Christianity was, as she honestly admits, a way to validate herself. But that validation depended very much on what she wanted others to think of her, rather than being purely internally driven.

Consequently, the book is stronger on personal issues (which, as another reviewer said, should have been condensed) than on theological ones. Her largely emotional concept of Christianity made it clearer to me than any other book I've read the extreme attraction that nonnatural belief systems can have. I'm thinking of pentecostal services which are about as theological as a rock concert.

Sentilles' book makes an interesting contrast with one written by Colette Livermore, a long-time "slave" of Mother Teresa. Livermore finally quit in disgust because it became obvious that "Mother" valued rules and obedience far more than relief of suffering. Livermore was clearer in her reasons to dump Christianity than Sentilles, but their aims were different. I, a hard-core atheist and believer in people over ideology, found both books to be enlightening.

This is the autobiographical progression of a young woman's crisis of faith while preparing for ordination as an Episcopal priest. The conflicts between her beliefs in feminism, and the church's liturgy and practices, ultimately led the author away from the Christian faith.

Well, you can find good stories of "inner conflict" and loss of faith in an institution, and you can find not-so-good ones. I found this a hard book to include in the former category. I sympathized with the author's difficult and rather universal predicament, but her bouts of personal problems and dysfunctions generally seemed more about grasping and short-term gratification than about genuine spiritual conflict or long-term progress, these personal difficulties seemed as much a cause as an effect, her responses to other people often seemed very puzzling, and there seems to have been some transference here.

Training in any profession definitely involves disillusionment, but it can be a more profound experience than her comparison to a brief romantic fling might indicate. It was generally hard to believe the author's problems were all caused by her conflicts with an established institution, and it's hard to believe hers was the only good response available, which detracts from the book's message. Sorry, but it was genuinely difficult to productively relate to the story, or to most decisions presented in the book. I'm sure the author had fine intentions with deep insights, but this generally failed to come across in the book. She made a choice, I wish her well, and I hope she can make a positive, resilient difference in the face of her difficulties.

As a non-religious person (raised without religion and have stayed that way), I didn't know if I would get anything out of Breaking Up with God. But I did - lots.

This book is as close as I've ever gotten to truly understanding the relationship between a believer and God. Ironic, since it's about breaking up with God. But like most breakup books, the story is all about the relationship, with the breakup right at the end. I've taken religion classes and studied the Bible in literature classes, so I've had an academic exposure to Christianity. But Sentilles's incredibly open, honest, truthful style gave me unique insight into the real heart and soul of belief in God. And I think she's the perfect person to explain it, and to answer questions that I've never felt comfortable asking a believer. Someone who is madly in love is not likely to give you a very coherent explanation of love, but someone who fell in and out of love and now has distance from the relationship can give you a much better explanation of what it was all about. That person, for me, for explaining the experience of loving the Christian god, is Sarah Sentilles. Plus she writes beautifully, and like another reviewer said, you really feel like you know her by the end of the book.

I was also surprised that the book is a total page-turner. I read it over a few days, and was seeking every free moment I could to get to the next chapter. My husband, intrigued by the cover, picked it up as well, and motored through it in a day. Given that he usually takes a few months to read a book, that's a true sign of how compelling a read this is!

I was leery about starting this book. People I showed the title to got angry: "How DARE she!" and "You're not going to read that, are you?"

Yet I opened the cover and discovered a courageous, poetic, deeply authentic memoir about a woman's thorough soul searching. It's painfully honest, but not at all scary.

I couldn't put the book down. I read it in one sitting and felt refreshed and uplifted from it. There were many passages where I winced and thought, "I would not have gone there," but it's very interesting to follow someone who did.

Sarah Sentilles dives relentlessly towards her true inner self in often messy, embarrassing ways. Yet she also includes a great many views on God from top theologians and even gets into neuropsychology (Capgras Syndrome). Her book pulled me away from the pontificating marketing insanity of the people who brought you such hits as, "I kill you in the name of Christ." Her journey led me to a better place in myself, one that is adequately human and creative and content.

People who might feel very isolated and perhaps even suicidal could use her story to help them through their darkest hours and lend them light. It could help them discern their true faith from imposed belief systems. This book is a true blessing.

Author Sarah Sentilles writes in her prologue, "Still, I hesitate to call what happened to my faith a breakup." Then she doggedly sticks to the breakup format throughout the whole book, not only in her chapter titles, but in continuous references to her affair and love and breakup. But I am not finding faults with the prologue - in many ways it was the best part of the memoir.

The first hundred pages or so, detailing her upbringing, should have been edited and condensed. We got the idea, fairly quickly, that she was scared of religion and prayed a lot as a child. The repeating of this in different examples was redundant. When she finally got into the `meat' of the subject, it felt disconnected and confused.

The promise in the prologue never fulfilled. I wanted to know about her realizations, and the anxiety facing those realizations, and what it was like for her to face life with a completely different outlook. Her story didn't match mine, at all, and I had wanted to read a similar story. Of course, no one would have the exact history that I have. But the problems created from losing one's religion could be more universal. I faced then, and now, discrimination for not believing. How did she tell those around her? How did the pity and disdain change her? These things I wanted to know, and she didn't tell. In fact, her breakup with god didn't really fully happen. She seems now to be agnostic, and not an atheist. She broke up with her career path. Maybe she'll write a more complete memoir when she comes fully to grip with her disbelief.

It's important for those of us who have chosen to step off the ingrained path of religiousness to speak out. Kudos to Sarah Sentilles for attempting to share her story with the rest of us, even if the attempt is flawed.