15 of 15 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars
An excellent resource!, July 6, 2001
This review is from: The Bride Wore Black Leather...And He Looked Fabulous!: An Etiquette Guide for the Rest of Us (Paperback)
I don't usually post reviews but this book is so unique, so useful, so needed in the Alt.sex community, that I am compelled to comment. I found the BDSM scene four years ago. I had many questions about how to navigate the community in a polite and respectful manner. Once in the BDSM community, I crossed paths with transgender folk, polyamorous folk, and queer folk. This has been a journey of discovery for me and at times I've been at a loss how to interact and build friendships - I wasn't sure about the etiquette and I didn't want to offend people in the process of getting to know them.
This book would have been a tremendous help. And actually, after reading it, is an interesting and engaging etiquette guide for interactions with the world at large. It is useful for navigating dating within any community, social events (parties, weddings) in any community, and delivers good advice for the workplace as well.
In many cases I found my initial judgment of how to approach new people was correct. I was relieved to see that in some cases, the reactions I had seen were inappropriate from the other party. But in other cases, I found new strategies for showing empathy and respect. I did disagree with one statement in the book: The author's opinion on public displays of affection at large street fairs (Pride & Folsom Street Fair) is that anything beyond hand holding and social kissing is not appropriate. These events are targeted at encouraging people with alternative lifestyles to be proud of that lifestyle and is one of the few places that you *can* freely express your sexuality. I believe that attendees understand that in advance and the "displays" they see are not a surprise, therefore, acceptable. But the book gave me another perspective on this situation.
This book is now at the top of my "what to recommend to a newbie" in the scene list. No, it doesn't address the play & safety issues that must be considered before jumping into BDSM play, but it gives you a foundation for respectful communication that really is required before those other conversations should occur.
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7 of 7 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
A good dose of etiquette, June 26, 2001
This review is from: The Bride Wore Black Leather...And He Looked Fabulous!: An Etiquette Guide for the Rest of Us (Paperback)
This is a must read for all the altsexers out there! In fact, even though I am altsexer myself, I found the information in here invaluable in my "normal" life. Many of the situations and attitudes that are pointed out by Campbell apply to everyday situations outside of the community. I found this book invaluable and an incredibly good reminder that people need to be polite to each other. In fact, I've read passages of this book to straight friends who have asked me how to act in certain situations and even though the book was meant for altsexers it worked fabulously in straight situations. I would say that this is an easy and fun read. It is something that I think everyone should read altsex or not. We could all use a dose of politeness everynow and then!
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4 of 4 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars
Miss Manners for the extremely, er, eccentric., October 18, 2001
This review is from: The Bride Wore Black Leather...And He Looked Fabulous!: An Etiquette Guide for the Rest of Us (Paperback)
I admit it; I bought this book mainly because Donna Barr, one of my favorite artists, illustrated it. However, I found it quite enjoyable reading, both for its look into subcultures I hadn't known existed (and sexual variations ditto) and for its calm, "Miss Manners" approach to etiquette for extremely non-traditional people, social situations, and subcultures. It would be quite useful to anybody who wants to get into this sort of activity, as well as to those who find that a loved one is involved and want to know how to react and what to say.
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